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Deb-
Yes you are right. I often times find myself hoping I drift off before the anxiety sets in and if I don’t achieve this I feel defeated. As soon as that first shot of adrenaline happens, frustration sets in.
Accepting whatever happens is really hard haha. I have anxiety in other areas of my life besides sleep, and my whole life ive always fought it off, whether consciously or subconsciously. Accepting does not come naturally to me. I do recognize that fighting with the insomnia is completely pointless. But I also want so so badly to sleep because the days after I do are so much better than those that aren’t. its hard to accept the possibility of a rough day
Some nights are good while others aren’t. I’m not quite sure the difference between them. Sometimes I drift off easily and others it’s like my brain is catching me drifting off and sends me a shot of adrenaline. These nights are hard because the techniques don’t seem to work because I’m halfway between sleep and wakefulness. Trying to practice mindfulness during the day to see if it carries over into the night so my brain stops doing this.
It’s hard to be positive after a rough night but I’m trying to be. My dream is to become a nurse and I hope I can get ahold of this insomnia so that I can do what i want in life.Another thing. I’ve been trying to think of insomnia as a gift. Hard to do I know, trust me. But something is off balance in our lives that puts us in this sleepless situation. We are unhappy and unbalanced. Insomnia has forced me to look at my life and the way i handle things and proccess things. In this way insomnia is the universes way of telling me I need to change something, because I wasn’t realizing this on my own. So when I lay awake at night I think of it like this and there is comfort in that. Everything happens for a reason. Once we find a good balance again, our sleep will improve. We just need to trust the process.
Mac-
What helps me is when I can’t fall asleep or when I wake up and can’t drift off is I literally say out loud “I am experiencing insomnia right now. Right now this is part of my life. I can’t do much about it but fighting it or stressing over it will not help. It is here right now, but the less attention I give it, it will eventually go away. Nothing lasts forever.” And then you really just have to be ok being awake and really understanding the thoughts that come into your head and not letting them grab hold of you. This isn’t guaranteeing you will fall asleep, but your brain will learn eventually and things will improve, just keep hope.I have also heard that a certain amount of time meditating can be as refreshing as sleep and as good for your brain as sleep. This idea relaxes me as I think to myself “if I cannot sleep I will meditate and that will be refreshing and good for my brain.” Having this option often calms me enough that I don’t need to use it but when I can’t sleep I meditate and take solace in the fact that I’m really benefiting from it and it is refreshing. Some articles say it can make up for an hour or 2 of lost sleep which it sounds like you’re missing out on by waking up at 4 or 5. Try looking into meditating. Not just at night but during the day.
another quick question for Deb,
Was your light sleep often so light you weren’t even sure you were asleep? ive been experiencing this where I could swear ive been awake, aware of noises and aware of things going on around me. but then when I go to look at the clock its been like 2 or 3 hours since I last checked but it felt like maybe 20 minutes. and ill have stayed in the same position so its not like ive been tossing and turning or laying there with my eyes open. Its such a weird thing. Only happens some nights, and others I know that ive been sleeping and can tell.
Thanks! yeah I did research on them as soon as I got them. In my mind I was like this is ok because its only temporary and my “sleep will get back on track.” but I quickly realized I was heavily using them as a crutch. even on nights I didnt take them id keep them close by and just having them there provided comfort. I only took maybe 5 total ever, but I hated how I already felt so dependent on something for sleep which should come naturally. Ended up flushing them down the toilet.
Sometimes at night I battle with myself when it comes to doing guy’s exercises or practicing mindfulness. My mind starts to struggle with the balance of doing nothing like a good sleeper should do, and practicing the techniques if that makes sense. It feels like im supposed to be doing nothing so when I start to do mindfulness in bed I worry im defeating the purpose.
Hey everyone. I am new to this forum and have been following this specific thread for a while from a distance. I wanted to share my story with you guys and maybe get some advice also.
I am 24 and have been dealing with insomnia for around 5 months now. Insomnia shattered my entire world/ I let insomnia shatter it. I was attending a UC and doing great and on my way to graduating in June. Then a perfect storm kind of hit me and insomnia came blasting through the door. I was stressed with school, my dad was dying (now passed away), my best friend and I were often fighting over petty stuff, my cousin who was my main support system away from home was dealing with her own health issues and retreated from my life, and the biggest of all, I had a roommate who lived above me who would stomp around and have dance parties into the early hours of the morning. At first I was losing an hour or two of sleep every night and didnt think much of it (was used to getting 8-9 hours every night). so I started exercising and thought maybe I should try taking some melatonin to help me out. neither of these things helped my sleep (shocker). in fact, it was getting worse and worse. I then ended up having a completely sleepless night. I still didn’t panic, I had faith id be fine the following night and things would go back to normal. Well they didn’t, another sleepless night followed and intense anxiety came with it. Shaking, adrenaline rushes, heart pounding, the whole night. This continued again the next night and again the night after. I couldn’t think straight, my anxiety was through the roof. I even considered suicide because I was so convinced I had lost the ability to sleep. I went to urgent care and they gave me antidepressants and Xanax. I didn’t take the antidepressants because I knew I wasnt depressed, I was just terrified of this insomnia. I took the Xanax a few times, and while helpful, I quickly realized this wasn’t something I could keep doing. I stopped the Xanax and tried listening to audiobooks, falling asleep with the tv on, falling asleep with the lights on, trying to read myself to sleep, taking hot baths before bed, drinking tea, OTC meds (actually made me more awake?!), I tried everything but Ambien because I was scared of the side effects. everything would work for like 2 days and then would stop working.
Long story short, my anxiety over sleep got so bad that I stopped eating, stopped going to classes, stopped talking to my friends, constantly called my mom sobbing. I ended up leaving school and moving home because I just couldn’t even care for myself anymore and spent every day wishing that I would die.
once I moved home the insomnia improved, probably because I was back in my comfort zone. But then it hit me again pretty quickly. It was so bad I resorted to crawling into bed with my mom some nights (not so cool when you’re 24 years old). Insomnia was ruining my whole life and I had no confidence in my ability to literally do anything anymore.I then came across guy meadows book (before I saw this forum). I guess I just got lucky in all my research. I read through it quickly and started implementing the techniques. Ive now had 2-3 weeks with sleep ranging from 7-10 hours a night. I know 10 is a little much haha. some nights are harder than others, last night being one of them, but I have more confidence that I wont spiral out of control. I think what has helped me also, is looking up how to accept and let go from buddhist teachings and other books. While they may not be talking directly about insomnia, just understanding what accepting and letting go truly means is really helpful and after reading Guy’s book I still felt I didn’t really understand, and there is no harm in looking to other recourses to further your understanding.
Accepting and letting go is hard and some nights I don’t always grasp it and find myself trying to accept the insomnia in an attempt to fall asleep which is in fact not accepting at all. It takes time to break the habit of trying things in order to fall asleep rather than just actually being in the moment and truly accepting.
One thing I still struggle with on bad nights is these rushes of anxiety right as I drift off. its like my mind catches me falling asleep and is like oh nope thats no good and I become aware of falling asleep and this wakes me up. this doesn’t happen every night but does every so often, so im assuming I haven’t fully accepted sleeplessness on these nights. I also sometimes have this half awake half asleep anxiety that keeps me in this weird state all night and is hard to overcome with Guy’s techniques, but that might get better with practice. Anyone have any suggestions for this in the mean time?
Sorry for the long post!!
