[Baukje]

Hi Martin,

It’s 3 AM right now, and I’m wide awake. I’m really struggling to accept that I’m awake, and I keep obsessing over it, constantly searching for reassurance. Even in the middle of the night, I listen to your podcasts, though it doesn’t exactly help me fall asleep.

My insomnia and anxiety started again about five weeks ago when I had to switch medications for my atypical facial pain. I had been on mirtazapine for five years but began transitioning to amitriptyline (which helps with nerve pain) while tapering off mirtazapine. At first, everything was going smoothly, but about two weeks ago, things started to spiral. I’m still on an extremely low dose of mirtazapine, but after one sleepless night, everything went haywire. Now, I’m struggling with intense anxiety, sleep issues, and when I do manage to sleep, I wake up feeling highly aroused and unsettled. I can’t seem to stop obsessing over my sleep, medication and health, and it’s making me feel desperate and scared.

I feel this knot in my chest almost all the time—day and night. And when I finally do fall asleep, I experience these jerks or twitches.

I have read the Dare method. And it’s helping a bit. But still wide awake. And i can’t seem to focus on something that makes me feel better like watching a show, because of the high anxiety.

I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance. I know this could be part of the withdrawal process, but even knowing that, and despite all the knowledge I have about not making it a big deal, I just can’t shake the fear. I keep getting overwhelmed and scared. I feel so stuck at this moment.

Thank you for listening.

[Author]

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