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You’re not alone! This is a normal and needed part of the process. When the night just becomes another part of your day and you’re not dreading it or celebrating it – – when you’re paying attention to the rest of your life and not sleep or fear, that’s when things get better. So let your brain do its thing on those less than ideal nights and remember it’s not a big deal. You’ll be fine and it will become less interesting!
Chrissie, I am past the course and have actually been practicing these concepts for a few months now. I experienced this every other night or every few nights thing that you’ve described and it feels incredibly frustrating. However, it gets better. I have found that the difficult nights are just my brain letting me know that it needs a reminder that being awake (or feeling anxiety or having difficult thoughts) is not dangerous. It’s amazing how all of that can make sense on a rational level but deep inside your survival brain, it actually takes EXPERIENCING that it’s not dangerous several times in order for it to sink in. I also found that my brain might adjust for a bit and I’d sleep better, and then it would find another rock to turn over and worry and then start the whole awake process over again. Eventually you get used to this and start almost losing interest in it – it’s at that point that things start normalizing more and more. It becomes kind of boring to your brain. I promise it will get better – just buckle in and go for the ride with your brain while still choosing do something that’s meaningful for you in those moments. Best wishes!
@jackHawkins I think those landmine nights are actually a necessary part of the process, as difficult as they are! I have found myself so discouraged and alarmed with them but as I’ve gotten further and further with this process (I’m past the 6 week course and have been practicing for a few months now), I have realized that the rough nights are just additional opportunities for the brain to see that the difficult stuff is not dangerous. The more of those nights you have, the more used you get to them and stop fearing them. You can’t force yourself to stop fearing them so they just come up as your brain needs another reminder, so think of it that way (oh my brain needs another reminder that this is ok and now I’ll just use this time to watch that show or read that book, etc). You’ll find that your brain finally gets bored with it all and sleep comes more and more regularly. Stay the course:)
I experienced this too – struggled a lot to keep my head up until sleep window. I found it easier to engage in activities that would help me stay awake but not energize me too much. For me, walking around the neighborhood in the evening listening to music or to some of Martin’s podcasts worked very well. I also did puzzles. I found that for the first bit when I was trying to reign in my thoughts, anxieties, and crazy wakefulness, it was best to stick to my sleep window so as to have that consistency for my body. I didn’t veer from it until I started filling it with sleep most of the time. Hope that helps.
You will find that there is a major paradox with insomnia (and any other fear). The only way to overcome the fear of not sleeping is by not sleeping and still living your life. When I started out with insomnia, I was terrified of how I would perform in my job. My job is a very sensitive one that carries a great deal of responsibility. Now after working on my skills taught in this course and practicing them for several months, I have gone MANY days at work without having slept the night before. I even did three days in a row with each of the three nights prior not having any sleep. I certainly did not feel awesome – but I did my job and I did it as well as I normally do it. I was probably even more alert because I was worried about having not had sleep. I now no longer fear not having sleep and going about my day afterward. Yes, I have to watch myself and not just sit doing nothing for long (because I’ll fall asleep), but it is entirely possible to have a meaningful, productive day after not sleeping. You just got to let the worry not steer you and go through it. It will be fine.
Christina, as a fellow mom, I can appreciate your worries about being present as a mother. I have been dealing with insomnia for a while and have been developing my skills for dealing with it for a few months now. I have had a lot of “practice” nights mixed in with the nights of good sleep and overall, I am feeling much less anxious and am getting normal sleep the majority of the time. The practice nights where I’ve suddenly been awake all night because of one little thought that snowballed can be extremely discouraging. Do not be disheartened by them. They are a necessary part of the process so that your brain will learn that you are okay. It takes time and practice to learn these skills. Be patient with yourself because while all of the content on here may sound rational and make sense, your brain takes a bit longer to learn on a deeper level that wakefulness, anxiety, and difficult thoughts are not actually a threat. Stay the course. It will get better and you will eventually not be fearful of being awake at night any more… it is at this point where you return to what was normal for you before insomnia:)
Elvinalim, I completely understand the feelings you have shared. I have been there and I am not totally out of the woods yet. However, with much practice, I can see some changes taking place. There are a few things I’ve noticed that have been significant for me. One is the realization that any fight I put up to either the anxious thoughts/feelings or to being awake at night just adds fuel to the fire. “Fight” includes marinating in disappointment – don’t let it pull you down for long. I have found that I literally have to give myself completely over to being willing to experience these things, and also still be willing to choose to do things that are productive to me the next day. It is so hard at first in those moments and it takes diligence, but it really works. The other thing is actually waiting until I’m feeling sleepy cues of nodding off to turn the light off and allow myself to sleep. If it doesn’t happen and I start feeling anxious, I turn the lamp on my bedside table right back on and start reading or watching Martin’s sleep snippets on YouTube. There have been many nights where I’ve gone through this process 5 or 6 times before I’ve gotten any sleep. I’ve also had several nights of no sleep at all. But I’m getting to the point of normalcy with having a bad night here and there. Don’t give up. You can do this. Have faith in the process.
My experience with the 3 Good Things exercise has been excellent. I actually look forward to writing down three good things that happened and particularly thinking further about why they happened. It had helped me to look beyond the stuff that is bothering me, namely the lack of sleep or the anxiety that sometimes seems to swallow me up. I am going to continue the 3 good things practice on most nights when it is convenient for me.
Yes it’s such a relief to know there are actual tools and skills that can address this issue. I’m not a fan of medication and think it’s a slippery slope.
