[anmareta]

There are so many, here is one for example, google

Meditation: The RAIN of Self-Compassion (10:42 min) Tara Brach

That meditation was how I started.
She has really good meditations in her website and books.
Try it and play around with them. There are other authors, but this one helped me to start, maybe it helps you. 🙂

[anmareta]

🙂 I also try to do the visualisation exercises during the day. I find it’s easier to practice in the day than in the evening. For some time I just did them in the day and then once got the hang of it, apply it in the evening.
Also taking small steps, one day at a time.

[anmareta]

@manfred, I get it. I struggle with that. I know that struggle. I do not know if this brings some comfort, but what I do sometimes, is visualize all the people that I share this holding me. So it’s not just me holding the fear, but the love of people. I just think of loving people in my life holding me. My mom, friends, the nice friendly cashier at the store, the dog I walk, my family, as I said I am spiritual, so the love of God holding me (which can be the love in the universe – I am a hundred percent sure that love is there because I have felt it – that strong force is holding me). Your support is a sign of that loving force, of everyone here, of this forum connecting us all, I really focus and visualize that love all around me. The beautiful energy and I describe it more and more specifically. With this loving force around me, it’s easier to feel the anxiety because am being held by something bigger much bigger than myself and I know that can sustain it. It’s not just me, is something much bigger than me which I have no control. So that infinite space is much stronger and can hold it. Then it becomes a bit less difficult to be with that uncomfortable feeling. I have reminders around the house of that love, pictures, little gifts from friends, movie tickets, little teddy bears, and I have them around my bedroom, so if my brain can’t hold the visualization, these little things around, remind me again of that love. Anxiety needs love, fear needs love. It feels less rejected and somehow at some point, it calms down. I think the baby (anxiety) woke up, and needs some attention. That analogy has helped me.

[anmareta]

@Jaran thanks for sharing your experience and indeed you are not alone on this. I get also inspired by your journey and that you are facing your fears now and trying this. It’s hard work!! It inspires me to keep ongoing.
For now, I am actually making peace that I do not sleep for so many hours. Actually, I have family members who also have insomnia and they inspire me too. They already have grandchildren, but what they share with me helps me so much. Both of them accepted their insomnia and they do not think there is something wrong with them. Some days they get more hours others less, but the fighting is not there. That has helped me a bit too. In the beginning, I thought, well they are just wrong and weird. But now, I am getting it, they are not and I am not. Since they did not fight so much with their insomnia, they enjoy life and get up quite early and go on with their day. I do not get how. I asked my aunt a hundred times, why is she not so angry and anxious as me? She says, well when she is tired and her body needs sleep it will come, so no need to rush. I talk to her a lot and it helps me to calm myself down. Also, seeing that she is older than me with grandchildren even and a full life makes me realize that my thoughts that my life is over are not a fact. Indeed, is the fear in me. It is damn uncomfortable and still a pain for me to have this, but I feel I am in the process of accepting it more and more.

Also, there is a very beautiful youtube video on how to be with anxiety when it comes. It has helped me on the nights that I am anxious and my head is going a hundred miles. It can be found with this title on youtube: – Understanding and fixing the real cause of anxiety…

Here it is explained what fear does and how to be with it in theory and in other videos, there are more practical ways on how to do that. I think being tired is annoying, but what is more challenging for me and what I have worked super hard for so many years is to get rid of the anxiety that is connected with insomnia. Actually, now realizing that I do not need to fight it and just feel it.

[anmareta]

@manfred thanks! In regards to your question, I use tons of modalities to learn to feel comfortable with certain emotions (e.g. fear, anger, sadness, etc) that I usually want to numb, run away from, avoid. Learn to feel comfortable with the unconfortable.
I had therapy that was one thing. My therapist gave me different exercises, such as first describing what thoughts and bodily sensations do I have when I am experiencing anxiety.
Examples of thoughts are the ones you mentioned and bodily sensations are rapid heartbeat, fainting sensation, chest tension, tensing muscles, etc. Then I had to observe those emotions while breathing in and out in the session and then I noticed that they changed. They do not stay the same. They come really strong, peak, and then drop. It can happen multiple times. Then I saw that yeah they were uncomfortable but not dangerous. For example, when I have bloating pain because I ate too much, I feel super uncomfortable, but I am not in danger. Slowly, my brain is not fighting it, but more relaxing into it.
The panic workbook and anxiety coach website explains some of those exercises and he has some youtube videos you can read on the self-help section. He also has some breathing exercises for it.
Meditation is kind of that too and the sleep school website explains that sensation specifically for fear of insomnia. There is a free trial for the app and you can see if the meditation for sleep anxiety series works for you. In the beginning, is super hard because I have been working my ass off to run away from those emotions, so it’s scary to face them at the beginning, so that’s why for me it was better to do therapy first to have someone guiding me next to me. However, you can ask anyone you feel safe to do the meditation with you that is a calm person.
As always practice makes perfect and when I feel fear now, I try to see it as like, ok this is my opportunity to practice, instead of fighting it, I try to welcome it. It is super hard and I had soooo many setbacks, but it gets better!
I also had something called psychosomatic therapy and in that one, I learned some visualizations to feel the fear. They are anchoring exercises. Google – act mindfully and you can see that they have free stuff. I like the anchoring exercise because it helps to show me that I can hold the fear and is not going to kill me. I have thoughts that say they will, but now I am feeling more at ease seeing that they are just thoughts. Scary thoughts indeed, but just thoughts not an actual fact. Also, after having them for so many years and seeing that indeed they did not kill me, I see them more for what they are thoughts. Like I can have the thought that my hair is pink and my thoughts can be screaming my hair is pink, but hey my hair remains black. So my mind can produce all kinds of thoughts and I can keep seeing them as thoughts.
Also, Netflix has some cool series on headspace-guided meditation. Those are also nice and easy to start practicing feeling ok with the feelings and thoughts that we all humans have.

The sleep book has some nice things that I read when I am feeling overwhelmed with my thoughts:
examples

Accepting insomnia requires being willing to sit with, lean into, make space or open up to the pain and suffering that you have been trying so desperately to control and avoid. By doing so, you’ll allow yourself to sleep naturally and move forward with your life.

Meadows, Dr. Guy. The Sleep Book: How to Sleep Well Every Night (p. 79). The Sleep School. Kindle Edition.

I will fail.
Fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons for struggling with sleeplessness. This can either be because you fear you will fail to cope the next day and the potential consequences of that, or you fear simply not being able to perform the act of sleeping like everyone else. The Sleep School’s Five-Week Programme paradoxically teaches you to be willing to fail at sleeping because it is only when you can accept wakefulness that you can sleep.
• It will hurt.
It goes without saying that if you don’t sleep, then you don’t feel particularly good the next day.
Excessive tiredness, aches and pains, and mood swings are all very common. In reality though, while uncomfortable, most sensations experienced through sleeplessness do not cause actual physical hurt, despite your mind telling you otherwise. Let go and be open to experiencing such discomfort rather than wasting your energy struggling with it.

Meadows, Dr. Guy. The Sleep Book: How to Sleep Well Every Night (p. 75). The Sleep School. Kindle Edition.

These are just some examples and they are really really hard. I do not even know how I have done so far, but that is to show that I CAN TRUST MY BODY. Even if there are some thoughts that think otherwise, the fact is my body can handle it and is getting better the more I give it a chance and I have patience.

I also have a spiritual side and that helps me too. I do some love and compassion meditation for holding the pain the next day when I did not have a good sleep. That helps me to be with the emotional mood swings and seeing that is ok to feel those. self-compassion dr Kristin Neff
has some good meditations I use.

Hope some of this helps!

[anmareta]

Hi @Turtlestamp, Happy you are doing better now! 🙂 It gives sooooo much hope!!!!

@Manfred, I can so relate to what you shared after having a rough night and anxiety kicking in with full-on power and thinking I am just going to die and my body is weird and does not know how to sleep and something is wrong with it. I can go on and on. My head goes 100 miles per hour. I can sayyy sooooooo much much about this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have that too totally! I will never sleep again and it’s over. Why even try?

For two years, I took quetiapine between 6 and 25 mg. It is an antipsychotic and it helps with thoughts. It lowers the number of thoughts in my head and is also a sedative. Well, you can read on Wikipedia about it. This medication is usually used in low dosage to help people to sleep. It worked for me and I slept. It has its side effects though, such as a zombie state the next day, numbing my emotions, also many more that you can read about. It’s also a medication that I needed to take every day because my body took time to get used to it. It’s not something I can take just as needed. It took me like a couple of weeks to get used to it, and in those couple of weeks, it was a rollercoaster and I got worst actually. Felt super anxious, depressed, and some suicidal thoughts. But then it stabilizes and then I was a clock, went to sleep, and woke up at the same time. For a while, it was good because of my complicated relationship with fear and my scary thoughts. I just did not want to feel fear and be aware of my crazy scary thoughts, so being numb was great!
However, in the last few months, I am doing another kind of therapy and I want to learn to befriend my emotions and thoughts. Not reject them but see them as another part of myself that deserves love.
Now, the psychiatrist prescribed me promethazine, which is an anti-allergy pill and it also has a sedating effect. I can use this one when needed, so I do not need to take it every day. However, I have not used it so far, which is giving me sooooo much confidence! I am trusting my body. I do not sleep 8 hours, mostly 5 to 6. Some nights I sleep 2 to 3 hours, but that’s ok, I can manage life. I am really kind to myself even though there is a critical voice that says it’s all going wrong and I will die, there is also a loving voice!!! it’s not so loud yet, but the more I practice the more it will grow. I am sure! See here is again! I can’t believe it.

What helps me is the ACT-i and CBT-i and sharing with you guys and people that have recovered from insomnia.
I just spoke to someone today that recovered from insomnia and he had weeks on 2 hours of sleep. I was like whuuuuut??? howww??? He said, yes it was though, but he did not die. It was his journey to confront his fears and befriend them and that’s how I am seeing this journey for me as well. It’s not comfortable is tiring but is teaching me soooooo much!!!
Also, he shared something about soldiers that are in a war zone and on like a couple of hours of sleep and they do not die. It’s kind of extreme, but somehow it puts things into perspective to that voice that is screaming I cannot do this anymore. It’s very personal, also. To me, that helped.
Also, I write. I let my critical voice (anxiety) express itself nowadays and look at it from a distance. I got this idea from David Carbonell an anxiety coach. You can google him. He wrote the panic attack workbook and the worry trick. So many ideas to learn to befriend anxiety. For example, I wrote this the other day:

My mind is running 100 miles/hour
with a 100 catastrophes of how my life will turn out
that scares my inner child

She cries inside, she cries inside

My life is ending slipping away in my mind,
I am dying
I am destroyed
I am lying death in the middle of the road

She cries inside, she cries inside

My mind adrenalized and full of fear screams
I am dying I have all these diseases that are ending my life
stopping me from taking risks and living life
It keeps me paralyzed

She is numb inside, she is numb inside

It’s cold in here and lonely
I am shivering and phony
Telling the world I am ok
While hell broke lose and it’s all foggy

She is cold inside, she is cold inside

There is no stopping
Where is it the off button?
My mind has lost its focus

She is hot inside, she is hot inside

Give me pills, give me something
Temazepam, Quetiapine, lorazepam
How can I end this state of mind?

She is lost inside, she is lost inside

Breathing in, breathing out
Slowly in and slowly out
Let me hold your hand
While we come out

She is loved inside, she is loved inside

Will it come back mama?
It might, but I will hold your hand! <3
There is no pill, like the love of God!

It’s like exposure therapy and the more I face my fear the less scary it becomes. It’s very paradoxical and also is in baby steps. Do not try to do it all in one day. I have a lifetime to learn this. It has been a journey of years and who knows how many more years and that’s ok 🙂
I think I share lots and lots! Not sure if anything helps, take what helps and ignore the rest! heheh
Also, the sleep school has many meditations that help with being with fear instead of running away from it and in time it also lower anxiety.
It’s not a quick fix like meds, but it works in the long term, with of course many setbacks, but hey who is counting.

[anmareta]

Thanks Scott for sharing your experience! Gives lots of hope 🙂

@turtlestamp also great to ask and heer from you and how you are handling it!

[anmareta]

@turtlestamp I have not experience that but could be a question for others in other groups. Also maybe Scott has a take on it or Martin..? The know more ppl with insomnia and their patterns

[anmareta]

You can firs try the free online course on the website and see how thst works for you

[anmareta]

@Dlupu Yean I can relate to the struggle. Did you enroll in the online course?

[anmareta]

Yes! I said to myself, I will give myself the gift to try this. I think I need to treat myself with lots of love and kindness in this process, so I try to frame things in a loving way and then I noticed I can move forward to things that are difficult more easily. In the end is really a gift even though it was tough to be off meds at the beginning (also I Neede to account for a withdrawal part from them for the first week), now I feel the fruits of it. I trust myself more!

[anmareta]

Also with the app you have a week free trial, so if you dont find it useful you can unsubscribe

[anmareta]

@turtlestamp the app is quite good! It is like someone is working with you everyday. I feel like I am supported at all times in the process. Plus the Facebook community and this. It totally helps me with the frustration and anxiety. My sleep window is also small and I decided to go off meds for at least a month. Knowing that I am giving myself a month feels like it won’t be forever. But actually it has been a great decision for now. I felt like I would not be able to do it, I grew too attached to them, but it’s been three weeks now and I don’t want to go back, my sleep confidence has grown but also is not terms of hours slept but that I can handle life with w.e. Hours I get from sleep. – Live is a really important concept for me from ACT. That confidence has grown for me.

[anmareta]

So happy to hear!!!!! Yey! I got so much hope from the webminar and also community. Many ppl facing the same struggle but now learning a more compassionate way of living with it. It’s a long term shot though but that’s OK. ?

[anmareta]

It’s starts una couple of minutes

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