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I think the pressure is less after the first half of the night is over. Even if I know the time, it creates less urgency. However, I think I am now creating a habit where I distract myself to avoid tuning into the body and emotions, the hard work, and that might be counterproductive in the long run. I might need to stick to journaling , reading, coloring until I am calm enough to accept the wakefulness.
Also, the hyper vigilant state gets stronger as the night goes on and limits access to the wise mind. I’m still very vigilant this morning and worried I might make a mistake at work. Does meditation practice with several weeks of silent retreats contribute to making the hypervigilance worse? Every time I nodded off to sleep, I would wake up with a jerk.
