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Yes I believe removing yourself from the place causing you frustration (in this case tossing and turning in bed) is not going to help you get better. Do you like watching TV in bed? You just have to learn to do something you enjoy until you’re ready to let sleep happen.
I understand Pauline. You’ll see my first post mentioned I was willing to do the steps, but mentally I rebelled against the notion of enjoying wakefulness. I kept doing it though, and did find some enjoyment even though I was awake. Then, even though I didn’t have a lot of sleep, I was able to sleep on my own the next night and that was an incredible victory for me. Ask yourself, is being in bed, wide-awake and frustrated better than being wide awake awake in front of the TV, a book, etc.? Which one has the stronger chance of either 1) making you sleepy enough for sleep again, or 2) diverting your attention from your frustration?
Well I’m very new to the process and have not cured by insomnia but am feeling hopeful I will so not quite sure I’m in a place where I should be giving advice lol. I will tell you what has worked for me and what I’ve learned.
Easier said than done, but until you can be ok with being awake, you will continue to struggle. That is insomnia in a nutshell, the fear of not being able to sleep which equals the fear and loathing of being awake during “sleep hours” which fuels insomnia, period. Intuitively, even before being coached, I surmised that watching the clock, napping and sleeping in were probably not helpful for most. I’ve never called out of work because of a bad night because I assumed being busy at work was a good thing vs. staying home to sleep in and further confusing your sleep drive.
I rise at 6:30 am no matter what, but did not know about a starting sleep window so now I’m doing that. What I’ve done that helps is after waking and working out, I had other enjoyable things I’d do in the hours before work, for example, personal spiritual study, I do volunteer work by writing letters to the elderly and shut-ins. NOW I have a gameplan for the nights I’m not sleeping. I reserve those activities for evening to busy my mind OR when I cannot sleep and must “embrace wakefulness”. I recently purchased a crochet kit because I want a calm activity I can do in dim light just because I personally hate bright lights in the house after dark and not because it’s a sleep effort. Some sleepless nights I lay comfortably in bed thinking of good memories. I’ll listen to podcasts and there’s always good ole TV lol. If being in bed awake does not agitate and frustrate you, stay there, if it does GET UP!
Martin taught me you can’t run from you thoughts. They are just thoughts, they have zero bearing on whether or not you will sleep. It’s the AROUSAL that FIGHTING the thoughts create that keep you awake. For me the key is to face the fact (which seems obvious) and tell myself “ok Steph, you’re not sleeping. What else can I do?” When I have upsetting thoughts I tell myself “ok you’re not sleeping but if don’t get to sleep tomorrow may be tough but I’ll get through it. I also cannot make myself sleep so I will not be unkind to myself about something I cannot control. Hmm what’s on TV?” I also tell myself “way to build that sleep drive”. You have to TRY to change the negative narratives around sleep to something at least tolerable and acceptable.
I wish you the best and hope this helps some. 🙂
You have helped me TREMENDOUSLY! I know there may be setbacks and some bad nights but now I have the mental tools to know how to manage those without going down the rabbit hole. God bless.
Yes Martin thank you that is very very helpful. I feel maybe the message has softened a bit from you should definitely get out of bed to do what makes you feel comfortable with no anxiety whether that’s getting out of bed for some, staying in bed for others, the main point is to do whatever keeps you from trying to orchestrate sleep again. 😊
Thank you. I’m fine with repetition. I’ve printed out Martin’s emails and read them over and over again. I think it’s probably a good way to retrain the brain.
There are too many success stories and I feel confident that if we stick to the techniques and suffer through the rough patches, we can get better like the others. I keep reassuring myself by relating it to diet and exercise. Many weeks maybe even months of hard work and pain will pass before results are seen. Or look at it as the necessary pain needed before you can hold the beautiful baby 😊
Hmmm…I have found watching TV in the bed has in the past helped me doze off because I do like the comfort of my bed and may prefer to relax channel surfing there instead of the act of getting up. But it seems that staying in bed once awake, watching TV in bed, or watching TV at all during wakefulness has been somewhat discouraged? I’m not fighting any suggestions and will do whatever seems most effective even if it’s hard for me. I don’t want to do the wrong things.
Thanks Martin for your reply. My journey is new so I expect some pain before the relief. I’ve seen so many success stories around CBTI I have faith I can be one to one day. 😊
I’m starting my journey to cure my insomnia and this was very inspiring to read. I became dependent upon vodka and trazadone and just this week dumped my vodka and threw the trazadone down the toilet because as you said non natural sleep methods make you feel AWFUL! Way worse than a sleepless night. Thank you for sharing.
