Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Colibri,
I can relate to your experience down to the very detail. I’m not writing this as someone who is fully out of the woods but as someone who is no longer in the darkest depths of this experience. My mindset is NOT even close to perfect and while I completely agree and strive to get to a place that Chee describes, I do want you to know that there is hope for progress even if you can’t achieve that at peace with insomnia mindset right away.
As someone who was extremely resistant to medication I did eventually agree to go on a low dose of Zoloft and at one point was on 3 different sleeping medications that barely worked + kolonopin in the afternoon.
After starting Sleep Reatriction Therapy under the watch of a local practice, I’ve been able to wean off of all the sleeping medications and am currently on the very lowest dose of kolonopin that I take in the afternoon (like hours before bedtime so technically not for sleep. I went from .5 to .25) and am continuing to taper off that while still managing an average of 6 hours of solid sleep a night. Something I never thought would happen again after getting nothing to MAYBE 6 hours of broken sleep once a week if I was lucky and even then it was the kind of sleep I couldn’t tell if I was asleep or awake for. The meds helped me be calm enough to partake in the Sleep Restriction Therapy and start setting up a new circadian rhythm which between the grace of God and SRT is the only reason I think I’ve been able to wean off of most of them and still maintain solid sleep. The hours aren’t my favorite (I usually conk out at 10 and wake up 4/5) but I’m learning to embrace the new circadian rhythm and early morning time. When I have a rough night which these days means having a hard time falling asleep and then getting 4 hours (which at one point I would have done ANYTHING for) guess what? I panic and get upset and feel fear bc I’m human and there’s no shame in it. I am absolutely striving to attain the at peace w insomnia perspective but I just want you to know that I am healing without having achieved it first and the medication has been a leg up in helping to calm down my nervous system enough to achieve it. Medication or no medication, peace of mind or no peace of mind you deserve to feel no shame. Give yourself as much love as possible. This is hard and heartbreaking and you are strong for simply being here. I just wanted to share my experience hoping it helps <3
Thank you for the reply. These are the exact words I especially needed to hear today. The last three nights have been choppy sleep wise but I‘m officially over 2 weeks off my sleep aid and still learning how to manage these unpredictable waters. I did manage to fall asleep last night but then woke up 2 hours later and struggled to fall back asleep to the point of crying until eventually I got maybe another 2 hours in and some light sleep. This caused me to not wake up at the time my SRT has me on, and I feel like such a failure and like I’ll never get stability again but at the same time I refuse to give up and truly hope to feel indifferent towards this one day. For now I’m still reminding myself to celebrate the hours I got and know that it makes sense to sleep less after a night of longer sleep which I got the night before and once again stayed in bed a little longer than usual. My body isn’t ready to linger in bed longer yet without there being some repercussions the next night. I truly long for the day when sleep isn’t even on my mind. For now being patient with myself and still celebrating the small wins of sleep onset and falling back asleep even if later in the night. The fear is the worste part, you are spot on Chee.
Update: my first victory with a “set back”. Last night I slept 6 hours. I was nervous all day that this was the beginning of a regression but instead of sitting around and not following through with my day, I let myself feel the fear bc I didn’t really have a choice tbh but I ALSO did everything (for the most part) I had planned on doing: baked a cake, jogged, prepared to host any moms bday today, went on a date w my husband…I wasn’t leaping for joy through the whole day and there were tears but I did it anyway and that’s a huge behavior shift for me. The next time I have a hard night I’ll remember this and how the next night I was okay. Sleep came. I look forward to the day when I no longer keep track or care but for now where I am in my journey is progress and I’m proud of it. Especially bc I’m on day 12 of sleeping without my sleep aid 🙂 Posting for the sake of anyone else who is struggling w the restoration journey while tapering and I hope it’s helpful.
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me last night! I fell asleep on the couch around 10:30 and woke up at 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep after. I just sort bounced between the couch and bed letting my body rest. The good news is it’s my 9th day sleeping w/o medication. And for me to have those 4.4-5 hours is a solid win, I’m just used to get a littttlle bit more. My sleep window is supposed to be 12:00-5:30 but it feels very rigid and my body wants to fall asleep around 10:30/11 most nights so I usually let it and wake up around 4:30/5. I’m grateful for the hours my body is getting on my own and plan on living my day as usual. Am I little bummed? Yes. But heading to the gym soon anyway and I don’t feel too bad. There are ups and downs and that’s okay 🙂 plus it’s still an up to be falling asleep at all w/o meds after a taper! It will be ok!
Totally to be expected—my sleep therapist says it will look like a graph with steeps and lows before it starts to resemble a straight line 🩷 you’re supported here and not alone. Also agree this is a much more positive and supportive forum.
I’m not taking lunesta but am currently tapering off other medications. Posting regularly about my progress and ups and downs bc I think it’s important to show the journey! I wish I saw more of that on here tbh when it comes to seeing people’s progress with medications. Not quite at the same point as you just yet bc I’m doing an every other day taper and what I consider good is not what my final hope is for sleep (still fragmented, short, and nothing like my original sleep just yet) but every little step counts as a victory! Anyway here for sharing and support 🙂
I’m so glad to know how much better you are doing! And that you also had drowsiness as your first sign. For me the drowsiness starts usually when I start to dim the lights during my wind down time, it’s like it sends my mind a signal that it’s time to go to bed. I’m hoping that the quality of my sleep improves with time but for now it’s one step at a time and I’m grateful even for fragmented without the the restoril! Did you find that your sleep deepened in time?
