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So, ummm, would you mind very much if I messaged you? I wrote a reply just now and yikes, thank every deity out there that I read it over because it was long enough that Tolstoy would have felt embarrassed for me 😕 It occurs to me that humiliating myself in front of one person (you) might be preferable to doing so in front of a bunch of them (you + others).
I'd even send you the abridged version, if you wanted…
'InsomniAmy' wrote on '28:even in a moment of desperation, meditation.Ditto 😀 For me, THAT was the big sign I was desperate!
Sorry, I don't know how to do that fancy thingy where you put more than one quotation in a reply!
Yes, I'm medicated, but only barely, and I've run through every single antidepressant currently available in the U.S.. Yes, I've tried therapy (ten years), and I've gone through seven psychiatrists.
Same on the antidepressant front (though I'm definitely verrry medicated heh.), and similar rolodex of psychs. Actually my last one just left, so I'm currently psych-shopping. Again. That psych was brilliant, though, and wouldn't give up; he was trying a hundred and one off-label meds – for the MDD, I mean. The closest thing to a solution we found was dexedrine (the uberstimulant), taken constantly throughout the day …which obviously isn't quite an ideal solution 🙄 , but keeps me from being suicidal and OD-ing every few days, unlike all the normal antidepressants I've tried thusfar.
For a year or two I found Xanax kind of helpful for my insomnia. Oh, I should add that I didn't stop taking it because I developed dependence or tolerance- nothing like that. It remains a perfectly serviceable aid that I use to manage my anxiety, and now and then I still take it when I can't fall asleep; it just isn't my main sleep aid anymore because my insomnia became different.
Anyway, I was put on Xanax for anxiety, and various psychs over the years have taken it away and then prescribed it again. My current psych, who is absolutely brilliant, told me that he thinks that might be part of why I still find it effective and am not hooked 😀 You see, he told me that even more than with a lot of other substances, if you stagger when you take benzos (either in terms of dose or timing), you are much much less likely to have such problems.
I currently use it for my anxiety, and am careful not to take it every day or even every other day if I'm using a high dose, and after spending a little more than 3/4's of my life (I'm in my late 20s, though) on it, still no problems here. I'm not promising that you'll be fine, since obviously everyone's chemistry is different… but that cuts both ways: you might be one of the many who can't get addicted to benzos, period!
Good luck 🙂
'Martin' wrote on '31:You mention you've had a sleep study done – what did you learn from that? Any other sleep issues such as sleep apnea?
Thank you! 🙂 Thanks for the kindness.
I've had a few studies done because some of my psychs wanted a new one when we began together. Early on they found RLS and I was put on Requip, which has been bliss^2! I hadn't realized that maddening feeling was an abnormal thing to experience all night. The thing was, my problems with the sleeping itself didn't change at all.
There haven't ever been diagnoses of other physiological things; no, they've never found indications of apnea of any kind.
The most recent study – the only one since the current version of my insomnia began – made a huge deal out of a single discovery: it all did in fact go the way I'd been saying :roll:three
I'm currently scheduled to see some hot-shot sleep psych, so he might have another study done as well. Unfortunately I have 3+ months remaining before my appointment. By then I should be down to 15 minutes between each time I wake up 😮
HA! Ok, but I'll burden you with just some since I am what my college applications counselors deemed “excessively well-rounded”(nutso).
I'm one of those people who does well with everyone, except spiders/satan-
on-way-too-many-legs… and to a lesser degree, humans. Currently in my tiny apartment I only have room for a couple of little parrots; I have also somehow been lucky enough to own an amazing horse for the past 11.5 years, whom I keep nearby and adore beyond all reason. I used to love volunteering with different animal-related groups, but injured myself and haven't been able to for the last few years (though my physical therapists say I could be almost OK in less than a year, so we'll see).
I used to do every kind of art I could, including glassblowing, which was my favorite, but I can't come close to affording it on disability. For the next few weeks, though, I actually get to do it again, because my parents out of nowhere gave me a set of lessons!
Until the psych disorders forced me to stop my studies (yet again) and take several more years off, I loved studying dead languages and how they worked. Around the same time, I had a blast as a research intern at two biochemistry labs as well, though. Sattered a bit, you suppose? 🙂
The honestly dumb thing is how into athletics I am; I don't mean watching, by the way, because I get bored. I just love(d) doing a bunch of random physical activities. It's dumb because #1 I seem (unintentionally) to gravitate towards semi-risky or sometimes merely unusual ones. More importantly #2 I am diminutive, fairly weak, and decidedly unathletic! 😀 I guess I also should add that I acquired my pretty significant injury doing – this is why I have to laugh at it – arguably the only one I excelled at in the slightest then!
That's an abridged list of my hobbies. There are more things, but I'm nervous it's already tedious. It could have been worse, though: I could have gone into what I'm like too 😉
I feel a bit like I've taken everything. Of course almost nothing has even touched me. The fact that I've tried every Rx mentioned here and none felt like more than a sugar pill makes me want to use the nightly application of a cement wall to my cranium as my new sleep aid. I've tried several off-label meds as well, and also some old school things that not many doctors like to prescribe anymore.
I have a truckload of psychiatric disorders, so my psych prescribes for me and the only thing he's ever given me that has actually kept me asleep through an Entire night was Chloral Hydrate. Obviously it is a completely unsuitable long-term solution. As I've been led to believe, even once in a while is kind of dangerous because the margin of error is pretty small and it can be deadly with much less difficulty than most other things used for sleep. It's one of those meds that's been around for a long time and was pretty popular but has been replaced by fancier sleep aids since. Very few pharmacies carry it now (in a few states around here, anyway), and I've had several say they are unable to order it for me.
All that said, it has been a godsend for me. In general I have a very high tolerance for meds and rarely suffer side effects, so I'm a bad example, but for what it's worth I don't find myself at all groggy or in any other adverse way affected the next morning, even though my psych initially warned me I almost certainly would. I take it about once a month now. I'm terrified it will stop being effective, so I try not to use it even that often.
I'm writing this hoping no one tries this, really, and I'd feel extremely guilty it someone did but I'm mentioning it to put the information out there and so I might even be able to compare notes with someone else who uses it.
