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Hi Martin
Sounds to me like you might be giving sleep a little too much attention. Don’t analyse it or even think about how much you’ve had. Accept each night, whether you sleep, or not. It doesn’t matter.
Try to avoid any rituals ‘to help you sleep’ you don’t need them, don’t even think about it.If you are waking in the night it’s probably a good idea to have a sleep window with a strict 6am start. It’s certainly a good idea not to look at the clock at anytime (as you are already doing 👍). If you are awake at night try to stay ‘not bothered about it’ and do something you like, you mentioned reading, which is a good one. Just something to pass the time.
Duration of sleep is not important and I would try to avoid any emphasis on this. If you fall back to sleep soon after waking it might be better at the moment to get up and get on with your day to establish your sleep window. Once you are no longer focussing on your sleep you will find it starts to improve and then further down the line you can sleep whenever you like because you won’t care anymore!
Focus on living your life and not sleep. It will then naturally sort itself out.
Good luck!Forgot to say….well done for breast feeding and try not to give in to medication and having to give that up. I think you would feel regret. Keep learning from Martin, he is the best at insomnia.
Oh gosh, my heart goes out to you, it truly does! I’ve been there and remember it so well, even though it was a long time ago for me.
You have articulated precisely what it feels like and you are so right to say that you don’t realise how awful insomnia is until you are going through it yourself.
The first thing to say is that you are not alone. You are doing all the right things and you have the right attitude. So many things I might suggest you are already doing. I think the only thing that helped me was to realise that you CAN function safely without sleep, you can care for your baby. It feels like you are not coping but you are.
The whole thing is about reducing the importance of sleep in your mind and directing your focus on life. The key is to understand that it’s about fear. Fear of being awake at night (like a phobia) and you need to work on reducing that fear by rationalising that ‘I’m safe, I’m calm, I’m not scared of this, I can function regardless’. I know it’s not easy and it takes time and practice.
It’s somewhat against the rules but I have to say at the time I took sleep whenever I could get it, little naps at any time they happened, when the baby was asleep.
Keep reminding yourself, you will cope, you can get through this, it is temporary and your baby is safe.Cherish your new little baby, who sounds very well behaved! Things will get better soon and allow you to enjoy this new chapter in your life. Good luck!!
Hi Horadedormir
You should do what you feel most comfortable with. The idea is to do whatever keeps you feeling calm and helps pass the time while you are awake. If you wake up in the night (for whatever reason) if you feel sleepy then stay in bed, relax and see if you go back to sleep. If you don’t, after say 20 mins (which is a guess as it’s not a good idea to keep checking the clock), then do something you enjoy. If you like reading, then do that. If you like watching tv, then do that. There are no rules. The important thing is not to struggle with sleep.
During the day try not to focus on sleep, don’t analyse it, or measure how much you’ve had. Try to get on with life regardless and accept that for a while your sleep may be disrupted but it’s temporary.
Insomnia becomes a problem when you focus on sleep more than life.
Good luck.I think that’s a very good point Viniamont. I also believe that reducing the focus and not trying to fix it, is very powerful. It’s a fundamental thing everyone with insomnia needs to learn. Stop trying to fix the panic and just let it be there. Well said 👍
Why would you get psychosis or hallucinations?
Insomnia can only be resolved by changing your mindset towards sleep. It’s not easy and it takes time. I’m still working on it too.It’s a good idea to listen to all the suggestions on this forum to try and find something that works for you. We are all sufferers and know what you are going through. We are all different too, so keep reading and find something that resonates with you. Good luck.
Hi Anni
So sorry to hear how bad things have got for you. So many of us have these terrible times with insomnia where you can feel so desperate. I’ve said before, there isn’t a quick fix (sadly) it’s something you have to work on over a period of time. The first thing is to realise that it has a grip on you and at the moment it is all consuming where you are thinking about it all the time. You have to learn to take back control. Every time sleep comes into your mind during the day say ‘hallo negative thoughts, I hear you but I’m getting on with my day’ keep refocusing on your life. It’s all about calming down and blocking out the tiredness. If you stop giving it all your attention its grip on you will reduce.
I’ve felt just like you are feeling so many times and somehow you have to find the strength to pull yourself out of the abyss. Focus on life and not on sleep, stifle it out. Go to bed thinking ‘it doesn’t matter whether I sleep or not, I’m getting on with my life regardless’. It takes time and there will be more miserable nights. Accept that (I know it’s tough!) but eventually it will start to give in.
Don’t let lack of sleep hijack your day, choose to live your life as normal and put the anxiety in its place.
You can try doing some meditation during the day and maybe journaling about your negative thoughts and about the stresses in your life. Separate yourself from them by writing them down or saying them out loud when you are alone (I do it when I’m driving sometimes, I have a good shout!😁). Let it come out then calm yourself and get on with your day. Remember, you can’t control when sleep happens but you can reduce the brain interference that’s preventing it from happening. Once you realise that you CAN still function without sleep then it loses its importance and the battle stops.
Stay strong 💪 you can get through this.I forgot to answer your question about the sleep window 🤦🏼♀️
You could reduce it to about 5 or 6 hours, which is what I did to start with. I went to bed about 12 midnight and got up at 6am.
It’s hard to stay awake during the day and evenings are even tougher but try and just have one small nap if you can.Always get up at the same time (I do 6am) and only ever go to bed when you are very sleepy.
Hope it helps, give it time.Hi Laura G
I’m feeling your panic and desperation as I’ve been there. Insomnia is a terrible thing and can screw up your life almost more than anything else.
The good news is that it is temporary and you can get better and you will, even without Martin’s course. I’m assuming you have done the free course which is how you are on this forum. That’s enough to get you on the right track.
Martin’s information and support for insomnia is the best you will find anywhere. I have had insomnia for decades before I found him and now I’m on the road to recovery.The first thing to say is that it’s not a quick fix and it takes time to change your mindset about sleep. Changing your attitude to it and reducing its importance is the key. Remind yourself constantly of these points:-
Sleep is a natural thing like breathing.
Your brain will do it automatically if you allow it to.
You cannot control or manipulate it.
You cannot win a battle with it.
The least amount of importance you give to it the better.
You don’t have to do anything special to get sleep.
You don’t have to avoid things to get sleep.So sleep responds best to you doing nothing, no rituals or aids for sleep. Like you, I tried sleeping tablets and found that they made me feel worse than having no sleep at all.
At the moment you have developed a fear of being awake, because you’re scared of how bad you will feel the next day, how you can’t function and who is this awful person you’ve turned into??!!
Recovery is about reducing the fear, reducing the struggle and panic you feel at night when you are awake.
Take deep breaths to start with, calm yourself down and think ‘what can I do at night to pass the time while I’m awake?’ If it means getting up and watching tv then do that. If it means staying in bed and reading a book then do that. It’s about finding something that calms you.
You can still function when you don’t sleep ( although it feels like you can’t). I did a 35 year career in nursing on no sleep and I never made one error!!
I found in recent times that my symptoms during the day when I hadn’t slept were worse 😩 I was not only tired with brain fog etc but I felt nauseous, fatigued, no motivation or ability to do anything. I believe my brain was amplifying everything because I’d become so anxious. So I told myself that if I don’t sleep I won’t die, I’m not doing myself any harm (Martin has evidence from studies to support this). I told myself/ my brain to calm down and get on with life.
Once you realise that you can get on with life it’s a good idea not to cancel anything you have planned. You can still do it. Try to distract your brain by getting on with your life and accepting that sleep is disrupted. Tell yourself it doesn’t matter if I sleep or not. I’m getting on with life anyway. Reduce its importance and every time you find yourself thinking about it, accept the thought, then refocus. Am I going to allow the negative thoughts and anxiety to hijack my day, or am I going to live my life?It takes time, you have to be patient. It has you in its grip but you can take back control by being calm and choosing to reduce its hold on you.
I highly recommend you listen to some of Martin’s recovery stories which you can access from his website. There is a great one currently on Facebook (Insomnia Coach) from Laura. She has been through exactly what you are going through now and she talks you through the way out.
I have been working on Martin’s techniques for a few months. I’m still having bad nights sometimes but I feel stronger and am coping so much better with daytime tiredness. It’s slowly improving and I know I can beat it.You are not alone. It is tough but there is a way out and you can do it. I wish you luck and stay strong, you’ve got this.
Yes I know exactly what you mean about being so tired 😩
I try to make sure the naps are before 3pm and only very short. However, I do often fall asleep for 10 minutes in the evening. It’s very difficult. No naps are best to increase sleep drive but it’s not always possible, or safe, when you’ve had next to no sleep.
If I do have a better night then I definitely try not to nap and then you can work towards establishing a pattern. Not easy though 😞
