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Hi
The negative thoughts at night are very common and I’ve certainly had them for a long, long time. I try to just say hallo to them and then reframe them into a more positive language. The other thing I do sometimes is to keep a notepad and pen beside the bed and I write down all my negative thoughts, whatever is on my mind, before I go to sleep. Make sure you journal very honestly by venting any anger or other emotions, as this can help to separate you from these feelings. I always shred what I’ve written the next morning. I have been known to journal in the middle of the night too when I can’t sleep. I find it helps to reduce the amount of stuff in my head at night. I think you have to learn to live with negative thoughts. They are generally not accurate and it’s all about how you react to them and reduce their impact.I retired from nursing over 4 years ago now. I took early retirement as I was very burnt out and Covid had turned up. I was very ill with it twice and decided to get out (I have asthma which made it worse).
I would encourage you to retire if you can. Although it’s a shock at the beginning, once you fill your life with other things it’s great!! I was also concerned about finances but you get through it. Healthcare is a very stressful job and I don’t think I would have had any hope of improving my sleep until after I left.
I wish you luck!It is very hard to accept at the beginning. I remember someone saying this on one of Martin’s podcasts and I thought ‘I cannot accept not sleeping for hours every night!’ I was so furious about it and thought it was a silly idea.
Well guess what? You ain’t going to improve insomnia unless you start to teach your brain to accept the times you can’t sleep and stop the struggle.
The key to insomnia is understanding that it is all about fear. Fear of being awake at night – like a phobia. So to reduce the fear you teach yourself that life goes on regardless of whether you sleep or not and you reduce how much you care about it. Once you realise that you can function and go to work and all the normal things without much sleep then the insomnia loses its grip and starts to go away. I know you were hoping for a quick fix but that’s unlikely. It’s hard work for a while but you will get there.
Hi KtMD
Not sure there is a clear answer to that question. I suspect it varies greatly from person to person.
I’ve had insomnia for 40 + years, on and off. I have mainly medicated to enable me to sleep as every time I tried to stop medication I didn’t sleep at all and I had a career in nursing to navigate. I mainly took antihistamines in more recent years, never sleeping tablets as they made me feel so awful.I started trying to stop medication about 11 months ago. I found Martin and his courses/podcasts about 5 months ago. I had done some other sleep programmes before that, that had not helped at all. When I first started trying without medication I had terrible nights with next to no sleep for weeks on end. I was really despairing and so I often relapsed and took a tablet.
However, once I found Martin and I realised exactly what I was doing wrong and how to resolve it, I would say it’s taken about 5 months. There have been lots of ups and downs with a few good nights and then a relapse because I became anxious about it returning.
Then I realised I had to accept the bad nights and not be bothered by them. I had to learn to fully not give a crap about whether I slept or not. I did this by telling myself that it didn’t matter as I could function whatever night I had. I got on with my life and gave my sleep less and less attention and now I really don’t care what happens each night because I will get on with my life regardless. I have stopped having relapses but it did take a few months to reach this point and it wasn’t easy. I now get reasonable sleep most nights. I’ve no idea how many hours but I don’t feel half asleep all day and I can think more clearly, so I must be getting enough.It’s a very long winded reply, sorry about that, but it seems from Martin’s podcasts that most people need a good few months to work on their mindset and get to the point where you don’t care about it and it sorts itself naturally.
So my advice is to keep learning to ignore what your sleep does. Don’t analyse or measure it. Put it in its place and give it no attention. Don’t try to control it, don’t worry about how long it’s taking to improve and be patient.
Hope this helps a bit? Good luck!
Hi Martin
Sounds to me like you might be giving sleep a little too much attention. Don’t analyse it or even think about how much you’ve had. Accept each night, whether you sleep, or not. It doesn’t matter.
Try to avoid any rituals ‘to help you sleep’ you don’t need them, don’t even think about it.If you are waking in the night it’s probably a good idea to have a sleep window with a strict 6am start. It’s certainly a good idea not to look at the clock at anytime (as you are already doing 👍). If you are awake at night try to stay ‘not bothered about it’ and do something you like, you mentioned reading, which is a good one. Just something to pass the time.
Duration of sleep is not important and I would try to avoid any emphasis on this. If you fall back to sleep soon after waking it might be better at the moment to get up and get on with your day to establish your sleep window. Once you are no longer focussing on your sleep you will find it starts to improve and then further down the line you can sleep whenever you like because you won’t care anymore!
Focus on living your life and not sleep. It will then naturally sort itself out.
Good luck!Forgot to say….well done for breast feeding and try not to give in to medication and having to give that up. I think you would feel regret. Keep learning from Martin, he is the best at insomnia.
Oh gosh, my heart goes out to you, it truly does! I’ve been there and remember it so well, even though it was a long time ago for me.
You have articulated precisely what it feels like and you are so right to say that you don’t realise how awful insomnia is until you are going through it yourself.
The first thing to say is that you are not alone. You are doing all the right things and you have the right attitude. So many things I might suggest you are already doing. I think the only thing that helped me was to realise that you CAN function safely without sleep, you can care for your baby. It feels like you are not coping but you are.
The whole thing is about reducing the importance of sleep in your mind and directing your focus on life. The key is to understand that it’s about fear. Fear of being awake at night (like a phobia) and you need to work on reducing that fear by rationalising that ‘I’m safe, I’m calm, I’m not scared of this, I can function regardless’. I know it’s not easy and it takes time and practice.
It’s somewhat against the rules but I have to say at the time I took sleep whenever I could get it, little naps at any time they happened, when the baby was asleep.
Keep reminding yourself, you will cope, you can get through this, it is temporary and your baby is safe.Cherish your new little baby, who sounds very well behaved! Things will get better soon and allow you to enjoy this new chapter in your life. Good luck!!
Hi Horadedormir
You should do what you feel most comfortable with. The idea is to do whatever keeps you feeling calm and helps pass the time while you are awake. If you wake up in the night (for whatever reason) if you feel sleepy then stay in bed, relax and see if you go back to sleep. If you don’t, after say 20 mins (which is a guess as it’s not a good idea to keep checking the clock), then do something you enjoy. If you like reading, then do that. If you like watching tv, then do that. There are no rules. The important thing is not to struggle with sleep.
During the day try not to focus on sleep, don’t analyse it, or measure how much you’ve had. Try to get on with life regardless and accept that for a while your sleep may be disrupted but it’s temporary.
Insomnia becomes a problem when you focus on sleep more than life.
Good luck.I think that’s a very good point Viniamont. I also believe that reducing the focus and not trying to fix it, is very powerful. It’s a fundamental thing everyone with insomnia needs to learn. Stop trying to fix the panic and just let it be there. Well said 👍
Why would you get psychosis or hallucinations?
Insomnia can only be resolved by changing your mindset towards sleep. It’s not easy and it takes time. I’m still working on it too.It’s a good idea to listen to all the suggestions on this forum to try and find something that works for you. We are all sufferers and know what you are going through. We are all different too, so keep reading and find something that resonates with you. Good luck.
Hi Anni
So sorry to hear how bad things have got for you. So many of us have these terrible times with insomnia where you can feel so desperate. I’ve said before, there isn’t a quick fix (sadly) it’s something you have to work on over a period of time. The first thing is to realise that it has a grip on you and at the moment it is all consuming where you are thinking about it all the time. You have to learn to take back control. Every time sleep comes into your mind during the day say ‘hallo negative thoughts, I hear you but I’m getting on with my day’ keep refocusing on your life. It’s all about calming down and blocking out the tiredness. If you stop giving it all your attention its grip on you will reduce.
I’ve felt just like you are feeling so many times and somehow you have to find the strength to pull yourself out of the abyss. Focus on life and not on sleep, stifle it out. Go to bed thinking ‘it doesn’t matter whether I sleep or not, I’m getting on with my life regardless’. It takes time and there will be more miserable nights. Accept that (I know it’s tough!) but eventually it will start to give in.
Don’t let lack of sleep hijack your day, choose to live your life as normal and put the anxiety in its place.
You can try doing some meditation during the day and maybe journaling about your negative thoughts and about the stresses in your life. Separate yourself from them by writing them down or saying them out loud when you are alone (I do it when I’m driving sometimes, I have a good shout!😁). Let it come out then calm yourself and get on with your day. Remember, you can’t control when sleep happens but you can reduce the brain interference that’s preventing it from happening. Once you realise that you CAN still function without sleep then it loses its importance and the battle stops.
Stay strong 💪 you can get through this.I forgot to answer your question about the sleep window 🤦🏼♀️
You could reduce it to about 5 or 6 hours, which is what I did to start with. I went to bed about 12 midnight and got up at 6am.
It’s hard to stay awake during the day and evenings are even tougher but try and just have one small nap if you can.Always get up at the same time (I do 6am) and only ever go to bed when you are very sleepy.
Hope it helps, give it time.
