[Laura G]

Hey Everyone, desperately seeking some sleep here!
My insomnia journey has only just started in June and the last few weeks has been truly debilitating. I believe I had a breakdown due to a big career move and I was constantly stuck in fight or flight mode. Anxiety consumed every decision I made and then 1 night at the start of June I had zero sleep, I just couldn’t switch my brain off. The Gp put me on Zoloft and for 3 weeks I battled through the worst side effects I have ever know, palpitations, insomnia, weight loss, low mood, hot flushes and suicidal thoughts! I was taken off them and have refused to try any other types as I NEVER want to feel like that again.
So today I’m working on my sleep window and want to ask, what do you do if your sleep is so poor?, if I am getting 3 hours do I give myself 3.5 hrs sleep window? I just don’t know what to do. I have never felt so lost in my life and now my young family is starting to suffer as I am so fatigued I hardly have the energy to leave the house anymore, though I am trying my hardest to even just get in the garden. Any advice or reassurence would be great. I would lobe to sign up to the course but I just don’t have any funds currently as I have had to cut my work hours right down. I feel like I am just surviving at the moment, life used to be wonderful and now it’s just hard.

[Bronte]

Hi Laura G
I’m feeling your panic and desperation as I’ve been there. Insomnia is a terrible thing and can screw up your life almost more than anything else.
The good news is that it is temporary and you can get better and you will, even without Martin’s course. I’m assuming you have done the free course which is how you are on this forum. That’s enough to get you on the right track.
Martin’s information and support for insomnia is the best you will find anywhere. I have had insomnia for decades before I found him and now I’m on the road to recovery.

The first thing to say is that it’s not a quick fix and it takes time to change your mindset about sleep. Changing your attitude to it and reducing its importance is the key. Remind yourself constantly of these points:-
Sleep is a natural thing like breathing.
Your brain will do it automatically if you allow it to.
You cannot control or manipulate it.
You cannot win a battle with it.
The least amount of importance you give to it the better.
You don’t have to do anything special to get sleep.
You don’t have to avoid things to get sleep.

So sleep responds best to you doing nothing, no rituals or aids for sleep. Like you, I tried sleeping tablets and found that they made me feel worse than having no sleep at all.

At the moment you have developed a fear of being awake, because you’re scared of how bad you will feel the next day, how you can’t function and who is this awful person you’ve turned into??!!
Recovery is about reducing the fear, reducing the struggle and panic you feel at night when you are awake.
Take deep breaths to start with, calm yourself down and think ‘what can I do at night to pass the time while I’m awake?’ If it means getting up and watching tv then do that. If it means staying in bed and reading a book then do that. It’s about finding something that calms you.
You can still function when you don’t sleep ( although it feels like you can’t). I did a 35 year career in nursing on no sleep and I never made one error!!
I found in recent times that my symptoms during the day when I hadn’t slept were worse 😩 I was not only tired with brain fog etc but I felt nauseous, fatigued, no motivation or ability to do anything. I believe my brain was amplifying everything because I’d become so anxious. So I told myself that if I don’t sleep I won’t die, I’m not doing myself any harm (Martin has evidence from studies to support this). I told myself/ my brain to calm down and get on with life.
Once you realise that you can get on with life it’s a good idea not to cancel anything you have planned. You can still do it. Try to distract your brain by getting on with your life and accepting that sleep is disrupted. Tell yourself it doesn’t matter if I sleep or not. I’m getting on with life anyway. Reduce its importance and every time you find yourself thinking about it, accept the thought, then refocus. Am I going to allow the negative thoughts and anxiety to hijack my day, or am I going to live my life?

It takes time, you have to be patient. It has you in its grip but you can take back control by being calm and choosing to reduce its hold on you.
I highly recommend you listen to some of Martin’s recovery stories which you can access from his website. There is a great one currently on Facebook (Insomnia Coach) from Laura. She has been through exactly what you are going through now and she talks you through the way out.
I have been working on Martin’s techniques for a few months. I’m still having bad nights sometimes but I feel stronger and am coping so much better with daytime tiredness. It’s slowly improving and I know I can beat it.

You are not alone. It is tough but there is a way out and you can do it. I wish you luck and stay strong, you’ve got this.

[Bronte]

I forgot to answer your question about the sleep window 🤦🏼‍♀️

You could reduce it to about 5 or 6 hours, which is what I did to start with. I went to bed about 12 midnight and got up at 6am.
It’s hard to stay awake during the day and evenings are even tougher but try and just have one small nap if you can.

Always get up at the same time (I do 6am) and only ever go to bed when you are very sleepy.
Hope it helps, give it time.

[Laura G]

Thankyou so much for your response, you have given me hope at a very dark time. acceptance seems very hard right now but I will keep working on it. I have just said to my husband we should go to the beach so I can clear my head, something that seemed very out of reach 1st thing. The one thing that has been good from this horrific insomnia is all the kindness I have received from Friends, family, neighbours and total strangers, shows me humanity is a strong force.

[Chee2308]

Hello laura g!

I feel you because I and many others were there before. And @Bronte has already written a good response so I will not try to ply you with more of mine, which will be pretty similar.

My key advice to you is:
1. Your sleep window should always be min 6 hours, regardless of your average sleep duration. Getting out of bed at a consistent time each day is crucial.
2. Always default back to your pre-insomnia days. By that, I mean doing the same things or routines before you had insomnia. Because nothing is really broken. Only your thoughts about sleep have changed, physiologically it’s still exactly the same as before.
3. In insomnia, trying so hard to fix the problem actually becomes the problem. Resist the temptation to troubleshoot and fix things.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

• This reply was modified 4 days, 16 hours ago by Chee2308.

[Laura G]

Thankyou so much. My main issue is getting to sleep at the moment, once I’m asleep (usually 3am onwards) I’m away with the fairies. I am going to try and get up tonight rather than laying there and getting frustrated with my brain. You have both given some great advice and most importantly, reassurance!!

[Bronte]

Good luck and keep focusing on life and not on sleep 😉

[Anni]

Hello everyone, it’s so hard… I’ve been sleeping a maximum of 3 hours every night for a year with many nights with 0 sleep. I read a lot and took Martin’s free course. It’s so hard because I have so much fear and panic at night. I always wake up at the same time in the middle of the night. I don’t look at the clock but I can really appreciate it until the alarm finally goes off. I try to do something bearable at night but can’t find anything that feels better. The day is filled with thoughts and fears. what can I do? my family is falling apart. My husband is at the end because of me. Please help me

[Bronte]

Hi Anni
So sorry to hear how bad things have got for you. So many of us have these terrible times with insomnia where you can feel so desperate. I’ve said before, there isn’t a quick fix (sadly) it’s something you have to work on over a period of time. The first thing is to realise that it has a grip on you and at the moment it is all consuming where you are thinking about it all the time. You have to learn to take back control. Every time sleep comes into your mind during the day say ‘hallo negative thoughts, I hear you but I’m getting on with my day’ keep refocusing on your life. It’s all about calming down and blocking out the tiredness. If you stop giving it all your attention its grip on you will reduce.
I’ve felt just like you are feeling so many times and somehow you have to find the strength to pull yourself out of the abyss. Focus on life and not on sleep, stifle it out. Go to bed thinking ‘it doesn’t matter whether I sleep or not, I’m getting on with my life regardless’. It takes time and there will be more miserable nights. Accept that (I know it’s tough!) but eventually it will start to give in.
Don’t let lack of sleep hijack your day, choose to live your life as normal and put the anxiety in its place.
You can try doing some meditation during the day and maybe journaling about your negative thoughts and about the stresses in your life. Separate yourself from them by writing them down or saying them out loud when you are alone (I do it when I’m driving sometimes, I have a good shout!😁). Let it come out then calm yourself and get on with your day. Remember, you can’t control when sleep happens but you can reduce the brain interference that’s preventing it from happening. Once you realise that you CAN still function without sleep then it loses its importance and the battle stops.
Stay strong 💪 you can get through this.

[Anni]

I’m so afraid of having psychosis or hallucinations. How am I supposed to tell myself it doesn’t matter whether I sleep or not? Thank you very much for your answer

[Bronte]

Why would you get psychosis or hallucinations?
Insomnia can only be resolved by changing your mindset towards sleep. It’s not easy and it takes time. I’m still working on it too.

It’s a good idea to listen to all the suggestions on this forum to try and find something that works for you. We are all sufferers and know what you are going through. We are all different too, so keep reading and find something that resonates with you. Good luck.

[Anni]

I read here that a woman and a man had hallucinations and psychosis due to lack of sleep. That scared me so much

[Chee2308]

Dear @Anni

You don’t know the context about other people’s insomnia. The real question here is have you gone crazy? Are you hallucinating? Then why are you still able to form sentences and express yourself here? And you claim to have insomnia for over a year already, sleeping 3 hours each night. During the year, have you experienced any of the stuff you are scared of? Well, if it hasn’t happened, what makes you think it will be likely to happen either, given your experiences so far is nothing of the sort. The question really boils down to: why are you scared of things that haven’t happened or may never even happen? Why won’t you only worry once it has happened and NOT before? If those things you are scared of NEVER happen, why worry now? Aren’t you shouldering the burden unnecessarily and make yourself needlessly suffer for no good present reason?

If you want to cure your insomnia, you have to stop being afraid of it. Have more insomnia to beat insomnia! Do the complete opposite of what you’re thinking you should be doing. Instead of spending more time in bed, spend less. Get out and do more. If you think coffee makes you sleepless, actually drink more. Show insomnia what you are made of. That you are a strong person and won’t be easily bullied. Nothing will grab you by the nose and make you go around in circles of fear like this insomnia is doing. Don’t let insomnia define who you are or what you are capable of.

[Anni]

Thanks for your answer. I’m so scared that I won’t be able to sleep for many days in a row. zero sleep… and then getting these effects. There was a time when I didn’t sleep for many days and then took medication. I had severe side effects and was no longer allowed to take any tablets. Now I’m afraid that I won’t be able to help myself anymore when i cant sleep for many days do you understand?

[Anni]

I think about sleep all day and I’m terribly afraid. I’m in hyperarousal all the time and don’t know how I can let go of the fear and sleeplessness.

[Author]

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