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Hi Alex,
Really sorry to hear what you’re going through, I can truly empathise with what you’re going through. Insomnia can be truly terrifying and I completely understand your fears, trust me.
I will say that I have a tendency to think very far in the future and imagine the worst possible case scenario, but I think this is exactly why I’ve struggled so much with insomnia. I guess living as much in the moment as possible is what’s getting me through at the moment, which means doing everything as normal in the day to day and not changing/cancelling/stop making plans in the future. A few weeks ago I was not making future plans but I’ve forced myself to plan lots of things to look forward to, and everytime they come around and I enjoy them regardless of how I’ve slept, insomnia becomes much less scary.
I’ve also found it really helpful to break down exactly what I’m scared of in the first place, like why being awake at night became such a monster in my mind – and doing things at night when I’m awake really helps with that, and that doesn’t necessarily mean getting out of bed – I often make some tea and read. I also often read Sasha Stephens’ ‘The Effortless Sleep Method’ at night and her no-nonsense approach really works to calm me down (perhaps because we’re both English)! Honestly just filling my days and finding new things to be excited about has led me to just fall asleep at night without thinking about it, my mind is elsewhere! Of course this isn’t every night by any means but the nights that are more challenging are so much easier when I just think, so what? I can still be me and not have slept, and no one ever notices the bags you think you have under your eyes! The night before last I barely slept and honestly I felt fine yesterday and remained calm and last night I fell asleep straight away. I promise this wasn’t happening a few weeks ago!
Hope you’re doing ok, and I am certain we will get through this. I think when you realise how simple insomnia is and how much we have been overly medicalised, you can start to heal.
Bea
Hi ktoch, Martin & GenieB,
Thank you all so much for your replies, they mean everything! Really appreciate your honesty too, I know how hard insomnia can be at times and it’s not easy to share your experience.
I totally agree that knowing that insomnia is more or less the same in everyone is incredibly comforting and shows how pervasive the wellness/medical industries’ messages around mental health/wellbeing struggles (inc insomnia) being caused by a chemical imbalance can be – I fully thought there was something very wrong with my brain! It can make it feel very hard to recover without drugs, which seems a sad state of affairs given the success of this programme…
Thanks also for noting that there are ups and downs in the process and that you still have wakeful nights, I find it helpful knowing that that’s normal and to be expected – and I guess in a way could make you more resilient to potential wakeful nights in the future.
I’ve also told others to not ask me about my sleep anymore, and agree that the label of insomniac is very unhelpful. Also I’ve found that socialising in the evenings in incredibly helpful, I end the evening feeling fulfilled and often not caring about how the night goes.
The thing I’ve found helpful to remember this week is that this course is essentially learning a new skill, which we know always takes time, commitment and has inevitable ups and downs – helps me feel better about potentially having some short term pain for the long term gain!
Hope you’re all doing well 🙂
