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Deb, thank you.
In fact I was doing this exercise today several times for couple minutes. I indeed need to re-learn to let my mind loose.
I also remembered why I started focusing on something, like a pillow, during the nights. When I was trying ACT earlier and letting me mind be more free at night I was having very strange hypnotic nights. I wonder if those nights would turn into deep sleep nights, if I persisted. Anyway, I need to re-learn to relax my mind and not just my body and not overdo staying in the moment.
Thanks for watching over us, Deb.
Yep, classical tossing and turning. I started acknowledging this one a while ago already when first thing ACT, but still buying into it occasionally.
One of the things she said I really need to do is to actually write down night time thoughts that are coming. It is recommended in the book, but I thought I knew my night time visitors well enough: anxiety in the form of muscle tension and beating heart and the thought about when will my insomnia end. After talking to her I am writing down thoughts and urges (together) which I actually missed. Perhaps previously they were masked by anxiety and since it is now reduced, these visitors are now unmasked:
turn on the other side – I know this one for a while actually, but I came to realize that I still believe this urge more often than necessary.
relaxation; am I relaxed enough? is my arm relaxed enough for sleep to come? is my leg relaxed enough for sleep to come – I do often buy into these urges and thoughts
urge/thought to focus attention on something if no thoughts are coming and mind does not wander
thought that no thoughts are coming – after this one urge to focus on something follows
anticipation of sleep to come – I thought it is ok to wait for sleep to come, if I don’t actually apply any sleep effort, but it is just another urge/thought, that needs to be acknowledged
after catching a thought “should I really have interrupted that thought? it was a good thought”, then some overthinking follows
excessive focus on pillow sensation, too much tethering to present moment to the point of keeping mind too tense for sleep.
active release of desire for sleep – in the night I was trying to unfocus from sleep and to come to the present moment too actively. Hence, I am applying effort instead of simply noticing my anticipation/desire for sleep to come. That active rejection of sleep anticipation is also not helpful.
I am trying to understand how do I feel desire for sleep. Perhaps, without sleep effort (excessive focus on pillow touch) it is only sleep anticipation that’s left and I just need to recognize and acknowledge it properly.
Any comments guys?
I didn’t ask that. But I think the answer is the same as with lying awake for hours: with true acceptance sleep will eventually restore, meanwhile need to practice acceptance.
Deb,
Any comments on how to release the expectation/desire for sleep? I realize on bad nights, that I am struggling, wanting sleep to come, trying to release the expectation, to then realize: do I release it to actually fall asleep? Circular intention.
Steve, I didn’t ask about lying in bed, didn’t have time. But I think we can devise the answer ourselves. If we accept present moment, we train or brains to relax and sleep. If we struggle and don’t accept, we promote wakefulness.
Well, now when I lie in bed I focus on sensation of a pillow too much I guess. Before insomnia I used to think about random things while falling asleep. Now I when I go to bed and want to allow mind to wander, it actually doesn’t. Similarly, when I do noticing a thinker exercise, major thought that is coming is a thought that no thoughts are coming. She pointed that during the day I simply notice thoughts, but not trying to hold my mind still, and in the night I likely focus on present moment (sensation of a pillow) too much, which keeps my mind tense. In this way, I am not really opening myself to present moment, but trying to avoid it.
I’ve just finished talking to the sleep doctor.
Regarding sleep restriction, she does not recommend combining ACT and SR, because in her experience SR fuels more anxiety in her clients.We spent time discussing my particular issues and I need to think about her answers. For instance, following the book the way I understood it I go to bed and I lie there in quiet wakefulness, while waiting for sleep to come. She noticed that I likely focus on waiting and ‘sleep to come’ instead of accepting present moment as it is. Sad but true, I think she is right.
I told that I am trying to stay relaxed and opened to what shows up at night. She noticed that I am likely overtrying to stay relaxed and opened instead of just being. She recommended compare my daytime mindfulness and nighttime mindfulness approaches to the present moment. I think she is right in that too.
Gsdmom,
I am in the same pattern now, every other night is good. Every another night only brings little bit of light sleep, even if I am calm, completely relaxed and sleepy. It will be one of my major questions for sleep doctor tomorrow: is there a risk of training the brain to be awake if I continue with this pattern (as argued by CBTI proponents). Earlier this summer this pattern threw me off ACT and I started to worry whether I should go with SR instead and these worries certainly didn’t help back then. I feel glad, that tomorrow I can discuss this pattern with a specialist.
I will try to ask that question too. I have a list of question and I only have one hour so far.
It is my personal opinion, that we should go to bed relaxed with a bit of positive note and expect rest/sleep. If sleep is not coming, I think the key to stay FULLY calm regarding that and over time stable natural sleep should come. I would expect the answer like that, but I will ask the question if time permits.
In fact if we think about it in biological terms, sleep is a natural phenomenon that does not need control. If you we are calm and sleepy state in our beds (like we were before insomnia) night after night after night after night then sleep has no choice to start coming on regular basis. Mindfulness and being in present moment should allow to develop this accepting calmness and ease to being awake, and after that it shouldn’t matter that much what we expect in bed, as long as we expect to be fully relaxed. That is easier said than done of course.
I am in Pacific time zone.Karen,
It’s great to hear that. Yes, mindfulness is a skill to develop, not a trick to fall asleep. Looks like you had a great progress in it. I hope to develop it too.
If I may to ask. What are your thoughts on SC vs ACT? In your opinion, would you make it to where your are now (not cured, but doing better) if you started with mindfulness right away, skipping SC? Since, this topic is currently rather about ACT than sleep restriction, your opinion would be interesting to hear. Thank you.
Karen,
Thank you for response. Just make sure I got it right, do you do their “falling asleep” meditations during the day?
Just curious. Thank you.
