Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Pam,
It’s ok to want and desire sleep. Even normal sleepers desire a full nights of sleep. That however creates a lot of pressure for us who have insomnia. My sleep coach tells me to remove the pressure by telling myself this, “Yes I would prefer to sleep tonight, but if I don’t it’s ok.” “I prefer to not experience anxiety but it’s ok if I do.”
It takes time! Everyone has their own journey towards accepting. Even thought I am doing better now than before, I still have days where I don’t want to accept and that’s fine too.
That’s a normal reaction. It gets worse before it gets better. I think of it as this… basically throughout my entire life and even in the beggining of the insomnia journey, my mind has been conditioned to fight anxiety and make it go away. When practicing sitting with feelings, my brain did not like that I was choosing to sit with fear, thoughts, scary sensations. It was like what the heck are you doing lady? Why do you want to feel the fear are you crazy? The situation got so much worse before it got better and it takes a lot of courage! Doubts will come your way, I know today I had a ton of them. I just say to my brain, yeah ok brain I know what you’re up to. Thanks for the heads up.
I experienced that too where I felt I was doing it wrong. I asked myself, how often do I need to sit with this and accept? And when will it go away? Keep going with the NOW and AWAKE exercises. I promise you you’re not doing it wrong. Your brain is scared and wants to tell you scary stories:)
It takes a while for your brain to catch up. You may know everything logically, but it needs to learn based on experience. Let me know if this helps!
Also you’re not stupid. There is this illusion that we control our sleep. We don’t!
Hi Pam!
It took me three weeks to fully engage in practicing awake! So don’t be too discouraged if you feel like you’re doing it wrong. I was pretty resistant to practicing awake in the beginning and my brain was using the AWAKE exercise as a weapon to make anxiety go away and make sleep happen.
I would recommend you watch the mindful gardener on youtube! It’s a great recourse in explaining the accepting and allowing technique. The point is to not make anxiety or thoughts go away, but to make more space for them. The more we resist them, the more they show up. This takes a lot of practice so I start the practice while at work. When I get home, if I feel anxious again, I go to my room and just sit in my anxiety and i tell my brain it’s ok, give me all that you got. I’m listening and I know you’re scared. I basically just feel the anxiety and I feel all the emotions. Once they settle down a bit I go and do something I enjoy! I did this over and over again until it became second nature to me. Same with thoughts! Allow them, ask for more, and when you do they don’t show up as often.
I think the most important part of this journey is self kindness and time. Wishing and expecting ourselves to be done with this journey, pushing ourselves to sleep, really holds us back. Sometimes I have to remind myself it takes as long as it takes. I’m human, I’m not going to accept all the time. Once I let go of all expectations that’s when sleep comes again.
I’m still in a speed bump! A really long one actually, but I’m not afraid anymore nor do I care. You will get there too in time.
Hi Pam1129,
It’s ok to want things to go back to normal immediately. All thoughts are welcomed throughout this journey and I believe true acceptance really comes with experiencing all set backs or speed bumps and all thoughts. In set backs and speed bumps, we show our brains it’s ok to be awake at night. Sometimes I get out of bed and sometimes I choose to lay in the comfort and cuddle with my dogs. Listening to audio books have always been a sleep effort for me so they don’t work well! But i’m glad you found something that works best for you!
It makes me feel better that we all do have similar feelings about sleep and the same expectations. It helps us remember that insomnia isn’t unique at all. Being a further along in this journey, I still experience some sleepless nights but the more I experience them the more bored I actually get of them. My brain also finds new things to fixate on to invite me to problem solve sleep. I tell my brain I know exactly what it’s doing and I give it no attention.
I still have to practice AWAKE and NOW and remind myself to not get tangled in the struggle though! Probably because my brain is still scared of being awake it hyper fixates on sleeplessness. It’s a slow and bumpy process! What has helped me a lot was to let go of all expectations about sleep and just continue to live your life!
Hi ktMD,
I still get physical sensations like palpitations, chest tightness, jerking, muscle spasm, stomach drops every so often. I totally understand the internal vibrations! I used to get those all the time. Our bodies are amazing at producing these physical sensations when we re anxious. These feelings are just anxiety and there’s nothing physically wrong with us.
Depending on how brave i feel, I’ll sometimes ask for more of the sensations to show. I egg it on and tell it keep bringing me more, I can handle it. I tell myself I’m in a safe space right now I can handle these sensations. They eventually go away. At first this may be very intimidating but over time they lessen. What helps is that I give myself a limited amount of time to feel them and then I get out of bed and do something enjoyable like watching tv or sitting out in my balcony. I used to marinate in the sensations in bed, (would not recommend). I then head to bed when I feel ready. I’m cheering you on! I believe in us!
Hi ktMD,
Totally agree now that I have completed the course and understand fully what was going on here. You cant think your way out of anxiety. I never fully understood the concept of feeling my emotions and letting them just be. I relied on medications to get me by until they stopped working.
This course has changed me as a whole and I have separated myself from anxiety. It’s enlightening going back to old posts and see what a difference this course has made for me and how much I struggled to accept and let go. I was in a really dark place!
Hi Martin,
Now that I reflect on what I wrote with the knowledge and practice of this program, I realize that focusing on doing what I love and value really helps me during this process. I also respond differently to anxiety and all its sensations. This is a better way to gage that I am doing better.
Hi Martin,
I am learning to be with my feelings and thoughts without judgement. I am learning to be ok with being awake and not fighting anxiety. This process is helping me a lot with hyperarousal.
Hi there,
I can relate as I was doing better and then one day I felt I was analyzing my anxiety again and went back to being awake. I’m thinking this is normal, but I’m bummed because I feel like my anxiety around sleep went up again.
I sometimes want to grab lorazepam I have on hand too. I also have ambien on hand too and I used to take it when needed but one day it gave me really bad rebound anxiety/akathisia . So now I’m stuck not being able to use anything. I understand the shame and the guilt sometimes, because for me I know I’m using it as a sleep effort.
I also had crippling anxiety last night, tried the awake method and it went south. I think it caused more anxiety for me and I was tossing and turning all night. Will probably go home and cry today after my family outting. I’m just so sick of feeling this way.
Alaska sounds beautiful btw! I have pushed many of my friends away too. Tried opening up and most of them don’t understand and will want me to get back on meds. So I feel totally alone. Also feel like I want to make friends with others but also don’t want to be reminded insomnia if that makes sense. If you need anyone to talk to at night I’m here.
I am struggling with AWAKE as it makes me more aware and hyperaroused. I feel like it’s a setback because I am sleeping more poorly than before.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, just know you’re not alone. I am there right with you with antidepressants and benzo withdrawal. It’s the absolute worst and I wish it on nobody. I sometimes wonder if I am not grasping the concept because of the adverse reactions from the meds. I slept little to none last night. found myself rolling around changing positions so many times to get myself comfortable as I practiced AWAKE. I was getting 2-3 hours sometimes even 6 hours here and there before the AWAKE exercise, and now I feel like I am back to square one. If you need a buddy, I am here for you. I also worry about my relationship, and how my dreams are now broken with my fiancé. This feels like forever.
I’m in the same boat as you as my sleep drive doesn’t kick in until 2-3 am. I can’t find anything joyful to do as I am so miserable that everyone is sleeping but not me. I am trying to get out of this mindset but trying to do things that used to relax me but feel like it’s all an effort to calm down. So I try sitting with my thoughts and sometimes it gets worse. I just bought an adult coloring book in hopes this helps me. Hope we find our way out of this!
Thank you, I like the messenger idea as it separates myself from anxiety. I do sit with it at night and allow myself to relax despite feeling this way. I find myself drifting off and then suddenly I’m awaken again by hyperarousal
I am currently using AWAKE during the early day into my evenings as I feel uncomfortable in my own home when it comes to night time. I am allowing myself to feel all the uncomfortable sensations. In the past, I would lay there in agony and fight them, battle each thought and tell myself not to think of it. I would even scroll on my phone in the hopes of the thoughts going away and of course they get louder. Practicing AWAKE isn’t easy, but aim trying to apply it to any type of anxiety I may be experiencing.
