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You can do this…. Don’t give up. Your brain is creating all of these thoughts, feelings in emotions because it truly fears wakefulness. Like there is a bear that will attack you. All of these feelings are completely normal. Imagine if a bear really was going to attack you, how would you react? Except, there is no bear. You’re completely safe. Once you learn to be ok with being awake, everything will change, I promise! FOCUS on the FEAR! Be kind to yourself. Don’t think of sleep as something you lose. You need a whole let less than you think. Keep going, be brave, be strong. Because you ARE!!
The key is understanding that your fear of wakefullness is driving your insomnia. You are trying to control something(sleep) that no human on earth can control. Also, trying to stop your bad thoughts, only makes them worse. You cant stop them, once you realize that those thoughts are generated because your brain sees wakefulness as a threat, and its trying to protect you and your trying to stop those helpful brain thoughts, makes it all worse. Get the book The is NATTO, and take a really deep dive. GAS & Break Model was transformational. The whole book really but the Gas & Break model was especially helpful.
Same is happening to me.. One night i stay up late coming back from a comedy show, I had to get up early the next day for my daughters volleyball tournament. Because we got in late, i felt the pressure to go to bed, knowing i had to get up early. That pressure lead to me not sleeping much. That has now turned into a few nights of lots of wakefulness. Its frustrating because, things were going so well. I felt like i turned the corner BUT here we are… back to me struggling again.
As long as you fear being awake the arousal will persist. The goal is not to make you more sleepy, just to acknowledge that you are awake. Anything you’re doing to avoid being awake is doing just the opposite. Hope that helps
This is absolutely incredible. I am still working towards accepting the fear. I feel like my conscious mind has accepted the fear but by subconscious has quite caught up yet. I too printed this off and read it whenever i am feeling frustrated. THANK YOU!!!
@gabe I going through this exact thing too right now. It can take me 30-45 min to fall asleep. The first 15-20 I can tell I am somewhat hyperaroused. I know that I can’t control when I fall asleep. I just let my mind drift and tell myself that im safe. I think our feelings are completely normal.
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Just know that the only way insomnia wins is if you give up. I too struggle with difficult thoughts and feelings. I struggle to give them room. I watched a YouTube video about making room for thoughts. Think of your thoughts as people on a bus and your the driver. You’re in control. They are just passengers on your bus. Yes they are loud and distracting, but you’re in charge. Try breathing exercises too. Sleep is only important because you make it important. Your body will control it, you don’t have to do anything. I know it sounds simple and its not, believe me. Be kind to yourself, this is hard. Focus on whats important to you and do that. I know you’re hurting, I’ve been there. Im praying for you and proud that you continue to push forward.
I am the same way. I go to bed, relax in bed for an hour reading or watching tv, but when I shut everything off and close my eyes, i can feel my chest get slightly tight and I become awake. I may lay there for 1-2 hrs. I try a few awake exercises and eventually I fall asleep. I stay relaxed and feel very comfortable in bed, I just cant break through the wall of sleep. I let my mind wander and go wherever. I get up at the same time every day. I just think it is going to take a long time for my brain to realize that night time is sleepy time. It could take months. Im ok with that. I think about where i was just a few short weeks ago, and things were VERY different. I was very anxious, not sleeping much at all. Certainly not in my own bed. This is all proof that its working. Maybe not as fast as I want but, its not up to me. I just control what i can and let my body take care of the rest
Praying things continue to improve for you as well.
Progress is being made. Everyday you trust the process, everyday you give yourself the chance to experience life. You can and WILL sleep. Things didn’t really start improving for me until I started facing my fear of being awake at night. I have a fear of roller coaster too. And once I ride one, my brain realizes they are scary but I’ll be fine. Facing my fear of them helps me enjoy them. Once i get the first one out of the way, I can enjoy the rest of my time at the amusement park. I think about night time wakefulness the same way. Once i faced the fear, things have started improving.
Are you tired from not sleeping, yes. But you still have a chance to have good day. Not saying it’s easy. Stay positive, look at all the good around you. You’re not alone. You’re strong. You will come out a better person because of all of this.
I bought some adult coloring books. I also like to play games on my phone. Really its not about making myself sleepy. Just better than laying in bed being miserable that I cant fall asleep. Do i want to be up , no… would i rather be asleep… yes. But I’m not so might as well make the situation better. Until your at peace with being up, your mind is going to resist sleeping. Its kinda like driving in the snow, sometimes if you wanna turn left… you turn right. Doesn’t make sense until it makes sense. Hope that helps!
Im sorry that you feel sad. I feel sad too sometimes and cry. More out of frustration more than anything. Things are improving. Think about a duck on the water. On the surface you don’t see much, but below the water, there is movement happening. Stay patient, be kind and know this is a long process.
@hapsong thank you so much for the encouraging words. I think the most frustrating part for me is I wanted this to be an easy fix and it certainly not that but nothing in life worth having is easy I think about where I was when all this started and I would’ve never thought I would be where I am today, so that is very encouraging. I guess I just long for the day that I don’t think about sleep anymore. I know I’ll get there. Wishing you nothing but the best.
