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Feeling a bit better today. 😀 I have realized when I have setbacks that I need to go back to basics and see what I’m missing. So yesterday I watched a few videos as well as the podcast with Maria (which of all the podcasts has helped me the most). Watched the new one too, really good, Martin.
I realized I’m still really afraid of the sleepless nights, especially the 2nd night in a row, so I spend it struggling with the wakefulness and the anxiety that comes with it. I don’t struggle with nights with little sleep, or even single sleepless nights (which is a MASSIVE progress for me, as I used to find them traumatic). It’s the 2 nights and the possibility of a 3rd one that terrify me still. However though, I now have experienced 2 in a row for a few times, and honestly, it wasn’t the end of the world. I got everything done, I didn’t feel good, but it was fine.
So, inspired by Maria, I’m going to practice facing this fear and continue working on accepting wakefulness and the anxiety that comes with it. Making it pleasant so that my brain gets the message. Last night, fearing a 3rd sleepless night, I let the anxiety flow through my body, felt every physical symptom caused by the anxiety and yet, I stayed mentally calm. It was the weirdest thing, and almost enjoyable. I stayed calm and managed a very good night.
So now I know what I need to continue to do. I think it’s easy to forget when things are going well, but these setbacks are reminders of that. I’m determined to remember that next time. ❤️
EFT tapping is a method of tapping acupuncture points and using positive affirmations to let go of certain feelings. I find it quite helpful.
Genie,
Thank you for your encouragement. Had a second night of no sleep, which is fairly rare for me, and I felt more anxious than I have in a long time. Feeling disappointed and discouraged. 😞Hope you have a good night 😴
Hi Genie,
I hear your frustration. Setbacks are incredibly frustrating and hard to accept and understand. Maybe you don’t have to accept this current speed bump? I have also had a number of setbacks in the last few weeks, I’ll have a week of decent nights, then a rough one (zero hours). Usually they happen if I experience that anxiety that likes to show up as you’re about to drift into sleep, but last night I didn’t feel anxious at all and still I had zero hours, seemingly out of the blue. I remind myself that I always get good nights between the bad ones, that sometimes lessens the anxiety. I convince myself that better days are ahead and that this will pass one day. I’m also practicing EFT tapping.
I think this time of year is hard as well, the shorter days and darkness fuelling our anxiety.
I do feel like with every setback I learn something new though, the last time I learned I can actually fall asleep even when anxious (on most nights).
I am convinced that if you learned to manage the anxiety at the beginning of the course, you’ll be able manage it again. What helped in the beginning?
Thinking of you and sending strength,
ElkieI would absolutely carry on enjoying things like reading and watching in bed. Why stop it? It will not impact or change the way you sleep. The less you change in terms of your way of life while dealing with insomnia, the less power you are giving it. The more relaxing and fun times you associate with your bed, the better (in my opinion at least).
Regarding naps, that might be a little different if you are concerned about sleep drive as it can reduce it. Following nights with little sleep, I will
nap for a few minutes (micro-nap), it makes a massive difference to my wellbeing but doesn’t interfere with my sleep drive.My teenage daughter was in a bad place in the summer, feeling suicidal for a couple of weeks and sleeping badly. During that time she slept next to me in my bed and my husband started sleeping in the spare room. Her struggles improved a bit after that and she started sleeping better. I, however, did not. My husband has been sleeping in the spare room since then, and each time we try sleeping in the same bed, I don’t sleep a wink that night. First I was upset about this, as we’ve always slept in the same bed, but now I’m fine with it. This might not be forever, but it’s what we need for now as this way both have a better chance of a restful night. I can toss and turn, put the light on, read and knit if and when I want to, without worrying about waking him. He’s a light sleeper and easily disturbed at night, so he’s secretly delighted.
It doesn’t mean we’re less of a couple, it isn’t a reflection of our relationship, it’s just a way to prioritize a restful night and get through a challenging time. We both work from home at the moment, so we have ample opportunity to make up for the lost time together at night. And there are times at night I thoroughly enjoy this arrangement, as it means a rare quiet alone me time, something I rarely get to experience with three kids at home and a husband who works from home. 🙃
It helps massively knowing of you two out there. My night time is starting now and I’m feeling very anxious about a possible 2nd night of no sleep. I’m trying to remind myself that the worst case scenario is not sleeping again and feeling dreadful tomorrow. That’s all. Although the exhaustion after 2 nights is torturous and I don’t want it. I keep repeating to myself that I WILL sleep again at some point and will feel well rested again. 😐
Yes, he’s staying in the spare room for now.
I can really hear your pain and frustration, Czor. I also find the exhaustion during setbacks much worse to handle. Maybe you can have the bedroom for now? Have you seen a specialist for your allergies? Thinking of you and sending hugs.
I’m with you, Czor! After sleeping really well for 10 nights, l then had a completely sleepless one last night (I’m in the UK, so it’s morning here). Not little sleep, but NO sleep which I struggle mist with. And I feel so tired!! 😫 (My husband, who’s been sleeping in the spare room since August, slept in our bed last night and that just triggered the old anxiety.) I’m trying to tell myself that if I managed 10 good nights in a row, I can do it again – and so will you, Czor! Setbacks are NORMAL (even though they’re a pain), and part of the journey. You’ve got this!
Nshiffler
This is more or less me at the moment! A few days with 4-8 hrs, then a night (or two 😬) with NO sleep at all. And I recognize what you’re saying about what happens to your body on those zero hour nights, and you just know sleep won’t be happening. I think I need to just get used to those nights, realize that I can still get through the next day (although after night 2 the fatigue is horrible), and then hopefully these nights stop scaring me as much and possibly lose their power.
How are you getting on at the moment?
Thank you Genie. Funnily enough I drove 8 hrs to see my parents last week after 3 hrs of sleep and I was fine too!
Usually when I feel anxious at night I acknowledge the feelings and it settles. It helps me too if I’m distracted by something else. Sometimes though, that anxiety takes on a life of its own, creating a strong reaction in my body and it doesn’t matter how much I acknowledge it and let it be, it stops me from sleeping altogether. This is something that Eric mentions in yesterday’s podcast. He can now acknowledge his thoughts without it setting the adrenaline etc into motion and so he can sleep after a while.
I think there are still aspects of insomnia that scare me, and as long as that’s the case, I might have these reactions. I’m much better with a single night of no sleep, after weeks of practicing/accepting when they show up. I have seen that all they mean is a day of tiredness usually followed by better sleep. Now it’s the two in a row that frightens me, and maybe if I have a few of those and survive them relatively unharmed 😬 I will feel the same about them?
By the way, don’t you have access to the content for six months after completing?
Czor, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re experiencing a setback as well. I’ve read all your comments here as you are a couple of weeks ahead of me, and I was wondering how you were doing. It’s very promising though that you had a few weeks where sleep was not a struggle and where you felt confident and happy. You managed that by practising the tools we are learning here and you can do that AGAIN. I am rooting for you! Setbacks are challenging though and they make you question the whole approach, but as you know, many of us here experience them. I know from other aspects of life that progress is rarely linear, it’s often two steps forward, one step backwards. Since writing the post (last Saturday) I have had 3 nights of 7-8 hours and another one of no sleep.
I am slowly realising though that the worst that can happen after such a night is that I feel tired (and a bit down) the day after. I still always manage to do everything I planned to do and by now I know that I’ll either sleep better the following night or two nights later. So why am I so anxious about being awake for a whole night? Why the hyper-arousal state over some tiredness that will probably only last a day?
Having said that, I’m driving from the UK to meet my Icelandic family in Luxembourg in 2 days time and it’s a 8 hour drive. My brain has already started to warn me that it wouldn’t be great if I couldn’t sleep the night before (or even worse, 2 nights in a row) before that drive and I’m feeling it in the pit of my stomach. But I’m not fighting it, and I’m acknowledging it out loud. What helps in all this is that by now I KNOW that I’ll sleep at some point. And it’s usually a blissful night of sleep! What I am NOT doing though, is cancelling the trip. One-nil to me.
Martin – funnily enough I’ve also sometimes wondered how your insomnia struggle was like but didn’t know if you wanted to share that. It’s not to compare, just interesting (and motivating). Did you have nights of zero hour sleep or was it just nights of little sleep?
Czor – one more thing. I listened to Maria on Martin’s podcast again the other day and it helped me a lot. I think her story has helped me most of all of them, highly recommend even if you have already listened to her before.
Hi Martin
Thank you for your reply.
I’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise, especially the acknowledging part of it. I also use it if I feel anxious about sleep in the evening, it’s now almost an automatic reaction (when I feel the anxiety in my stomach, I automatically say “I notice I’m anxious).
I also make a point of not changing or cancelling any plans after difficult nights. This I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, before I started the course (something you suggested in the free course).
In the last few days I’ve noticed a slight shift in the way I view the time before my sleep window. At first I found the idea of going to sleep at midnight terrifying, thinking I’d be too tired to ever stick with that. In the evening anxiety usually starts to show up and the slight envy seeing everyone else in the home manage to fall asleep with ease. Now however, I am slowly starting (or trying) to see this extra time as my precious “me-time”, where I’m the only one awake and so won’t be disturbed (a luxury I don’t have a lot during the day). I use the time to knit a jumper (if I read or watch I start nodding off) and listen to one of your podcasts, which I not only find incredibly helpful but also just really fun to listen to.
So my evening wakefulness has become much more pleasant, which is one of the goals.
😊
