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Thanks for the reply, Martin.
Getting more sleep has been really nice, but ultimately I don’t love sleeping on the couch. I’d much rather be in bed. I’ve been staying in bed the past few nights (even though I know I’m not getting much sleep) because I worry that the only way to break out of this cycle is to fall asleep in bed. I know I’ll have to fall asleep eventually, so hopefully a few sleepless nights will be worth it.
I’ve been treating this experience as a bit of an experiment and have tried falling asleep on the couch and moving to the bed (hoping that my brain will retain its “sleep mode” when I transfer over)…and no luck. I was hoping that getting more sleep on the couch might help with sleep in general, but yeah, there’s something subconscious going on in my brain about my bed. I’m trying not to put too much problem solving into it.
I think I’m finally getting to the point where I care a lot less about whether I sleep or not. If I sleep, great! If not, it’s not the end of the world–I’ll be tired, but I’ve survived plenty of days on no sleep. My anxiety level about sleep has definitely dropped a lot thanks to this course.
On this, I really don’t know. I’m someone who actually enjoys meditation and have been doing that for relaxation a couple times a day. I know that I’m someone who might be predisposed to hypertension and worry that the insomnia might be kicking my blood pressure even higher and that might be complicating things–my heart just feels like it’s pounding all the time. The doctor had me on Clonazepam (which I knew was only a short-term fix) and I went off of it about 3 weeks ago and my sleep has declined since then. I’ve been working on doing the AWAKE exercise and overall feel calmer about things–which is a step in the right direction, but that pounding heart is just always there and making me feel stuck. The only time I feel sleepy is in the evenings and lately the only sleep I’ve been getting is because I accidentally nod off while relaxing in the evening. I’ve been working on fighting off that evening sleepiness but find that once it’s gone, it doesn’t come back and if I don’t fall asleep, I’m generally not going to fall asleep at all. My therapist actually suggested just going to bed when I start feeling sleepy in the evenings–I know this is basically going to bed way earlier (non-helpful) and sort of nodded along with the suggestion (I’ve been sticking to my sleep window).
Sorry for the long reply, but that’s where I’m at. Overall feeling calmer and more accepting of things, but not seeing much actual improvement in my sleep. I know I’m still battling a bit with feelings of frustration and trying to work on being better at just acknowledging that.
I’ve really been trying to focus on not trying to make sleep happen and telling myself that it’s out of my control and I just need to accept that it’ll happen when it happens…but it’s only happening in the evening still. I am hesitant to try to move it earlier because I know that spending less time in bed is likely better since I’m not sleeping much, but just also not feeling that increased sleep drive (I feel sort of trapped in a state of hyperarousal that I just can’t seem to shake). Thanks for the reply and support–I appreciate it.
