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First 2 questions I can’t really answer, you wouldn’t understand…
I already know everything I should be doing, that’s the frustrating part, but I have severe executive dysfunctions. I Am planning going to doctor to get diagnosed, because ADHD meds are used to treat dopaminergic problems, which I Am also likely having… Which could help with executive dysfunctions (but a doctor supposedly say: you can expect it to take effect in 2-4years). Anyway I have also chronic pain, even in best case scenario it would be like 8 months likely more before I will be able to do anything remotely interesting to me!!! There is just literally nothing I can do in upcoming years that wouldn’t bore me less than watching a wall!!!
I Am trying to take small actions, even if it helps 0.00007 I take it! BUt it is tough given pain, executive dysfunctions and all my problems – moving only forward. It is like 1 step forward and 2 steps back for me… I fixed my sleep schedule currently, but I Am struggling with this actually over a year. I will fix it, but than one day I AM bored and go sleep at 2 AM, second day at 3 and before I know it I go sleep at 5-8AM in the morning… This is from boredom on 99.99999% because I Am so bored, even idea of going to sleep is painful… So I keep deferring from going to sleep, because my brain needs constant stimulation and if I don’t have it – I have feeling like my brain is rotting, as I have need for cognition and for novelty constantly…
Yeah, it is tough. If I would be consistent and doing same things I did previous days, while adding 1-3 small things slowly. I would after time get better hopefully! But It is so tough being consistent, or have any schedule. I am feeling terrible right now and I barely can clean my teeth and morning, exercise and eat healthy and perhaps go on a walk 0.5 km (and if this is even 3 days in a row – I have to make a break from pain) otherwise my spine and head is like a rock and my nerves hurt in whole body… So I just barely can stay alive right now…
I need plan, but i feel so terrible I can’t plan anything right now… MAybe in couple weeks if I stabilize. Right now most important is go to sleep at 22-23 no matter what. But it is so tough every day, I now went like 24 and couldn’t sleep yesterday and today I feel so terrible and overslept like about 3-4hoursm because I couldn’t make myself wake up from extreme drowsiness and pain…
I need to go to sleep at 22-23pm no matter what and when I wake up, instantly go off the bed, otherwise it will be painful and I won’t get good sleep anyways at that point…
Problem is: it is so tough every day to go sleep. My head is literally delirious from boredom: I get insane pain: tingling, buzzing, crawling, hurting (hard to describe) from boredom! And I have to work so hard to even force myself to go sleep a little bit sooner than previous day, or at the time… It is like working in mine 18 hours and being whipped just to do this thing every day… While I Am suffering whole day from boredom, no matter what I do every second is literally torture!!!
Problem is I literally can’t do absolutely anything which would entertain me more than watching a wall probably like year+ from now in best case… So no I can’t do absolutely anything remotely interesting to me even if I wanted because pain… I need literally torture techniques on how to endure torture on boredom, otherwise I have no idea… Even whole day I have sharp pain on my chest and like brain zaps, or itching ,crawling, and feeling like my whole head would hurt: it is feeling from boredom (hard to describe)… I barely can endure a day to not die literally from boredom… And it is worst before sleep. How could I even make myself to go to sleep in this state, if I feel constantly like someone is pulling barbed wire back and forth…
