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Borgesbi- Wow! That was VERY helpful. Thank you for sharing the details and the experience you have. Yes! It helps greatly! I see myself in some of the information for Steve. -finding myself frustrated and then telling myself I’m ok to push back, rather than accepting and being with it. It’s uncomfortable being with it. But I find if I am, and can do so without reacting, it fades. It’s similar to a kind of meditation I’m exploring, Vispassana. I’m writing this down so I can revisit it “For me, accepting means that my ONE and ONLY goal for the evening is to sit with what I’m experiencing and forget about sleep completely. It will sooth the frustration to acknowledge, (as you said) “as long as I’m restfully lying there, it will be enough to feel refreshed in the morning.” That actually seems to be true. I didn’t realize before ACT, how much more tired I was having to get out of bed. I need to pull myself back at times to put my focus back on breathing and bed sensations.
Deb- interesting interview. I put myself in the category as one of those people where CBT-i was a negative.Gsdmom-, I also find that the I’m using the tools for non sleep thoughts/feelings. It has helped to more quickly/clearly discriminate between what I can change, with what I can’t change,– and then use the tools for the later. Often the thoughts at night are more unimportant noise than anything else. It’s my mind doing what it’s suppose to do–create thoughts. I try to thank my mind for it and release it as noise. But lately it’s more challenging to get back to sleep. Perhaps I’m thinking to much about evaluating thoughts as noise and releasing (?). I hope that job interview had a positive outcome!
Borgesbi –As I read your previous post about not caring or paying attention to your sleep, that is more of what I was doing during my good week of sleep. This week, after having a few poor nights- I’m thinking about sleep more, which is unhelpful. When you are in bed, but awake, do thoughts come? The goal is feeling great and it sounds like you are. 🙂
Steve – I have a similar sleep pattern. Frustration is a hard one to accept, especially during or after a poor night’s sleep. It helps me to look at the bigger picture. Looking back, you too have experienced some really good nights of 7 hours sleep. Maybe we should both try taking a ‘Borgesbi approach’. Not giving it attention. Letting it be what it is without care or thought. We know it’s there. But don’t give it anymore than that. The attention is negative anyway-and unhelpful.
Thank you Steve! It’s getting to me today and I’m grateful for support. At least we can always count on things changing.
I forgot to add that I’ve been reflecting on how I spend my time. If it’s what I want or should be doing. I used to journal, but after seeing it mentioned here, I’m going to try and get back to it. It’s so interesting how a couple of good nights are so uplifting, while poor ones have a similar intensity in the other direction, regardless of doing fine the next day. It’s the emotion around it that needs acceptance today.
Somehow my post was lost. I’m trying to welcome frustration today. I’ve had 4 crummy nights in a row. Last week was such a good one. Like others, I’m waking 3-4 times. I’m okay with that when I can drift comfortably back to sleep. The last few nights I feel like I’m using the tools well to welcome thoughts. But it’s one arrival after another. They keep coming during those early awakenings. I’ve stayed in bed anyway until my wake up time, resisting the urge to get up, but last night I got up 45 min. early. I wasn’t going to sleep more. Do others do that? Is that not recommended?
So glad you’re back sleeping well, Deb!! You’re a leader and a model to many. It’s good to know relapses happen and are no big deal. Similar to a good sleeper ( which you are and we are all moving toward), having an occasional poor night or 2 occur, and then good sleep returns.
Padron–just couldn’t stop smiling at your rant as it is mine as well! Now I accept and own the (dreadful horror) of an experience. ACT is so wonderfully different. I often revisit the sleep book (by G meadows) to keep concepts fresh and in practice. I tend to sleep well for awhile and then ease up on the tools, opening the gate to old habits.
To follow up on what Padron said to Deb — keep noticing expectations as unhelpful and work the ACT magic.
Pam– I strive to get better at daily practice but often get busy with my day too. I’ll just get in a few fleeting minutes of mindfulness. Surprisingly, it is quite pleasant to do. I sit quietly each morning for 20-10 minutes but often feel I’m more resting than anything. My mind gets quiet or I bring it back from distraction. I think daily practice goes a long way in noticing and being ready for unhelpful thoughts.
Steve,- hopefully that CPAP difficulty was a one night event. Sometimes I’m more aware of mine than others and it can feel like I’m to enclosed. Those are the times I’ll take it off for part of the night. I didn’t wear it all of last night because the humidity made it to uncomfortable.
I was a bit off last night and struggling more than usual after a really good night. I wanted to get out of bed but wouldn’t let myself. I’ve been slacking off on practicing during the day.Deb – how are you doing? I bet you’ve revisited the tools, maybe substitute the evening alcohol with something else and on you’re way to getting back on track.
Delv-x – I hope you’re working things through with anxious annie. I can relate to your ‘feeling anxious for no reason day’ It is a good time to do something you love – nurture your spirit.
I haven’t gotten to that point, Deb, falling asleep and then the next thing you know it’s morning. I’m waking 3 or so times. I’m so gratefully often sleeping 6.5 to 7.5 hours now. The tools work to usually get me back to sleep. THANK YOU ACT!. I’m finding that looking at my notes on Dr. Meadows book just before bed helps. Last night I drew little sketches of my less frequent arrivals. A marshmellowy fellow with little springs coming out of his body, named Springy – my fleeting thoughts. A thunder bolt – occasional shoulder pain, and a plump glob with tons of heavy eye bags – fear of wakefulness. It was a fun and helpful activity 🙂
Like life, I know things can turn on a dime. It will be challenging to apply the tools when stresses hit. Then the fears and anxiety will visit. I think of you Deb. It’s empowering that you have the strategies that get you back on track. It’s hard to get unstuck from troublesome, spiraling thoughts. I want to believe that mindfulness has the ability to conquer whatever the thinking mind does.Hi Hopeless and welcome! I second what Steve said. In fact, he said the same thing to me many weeks ago and it has turned life around for me. This is a great place to be when CBT-i isn’t working for you. I was doing CBT-i for 6 months and giving it all I had. The stress of all the rules and restrictions added to my anxiety. ACT helps you accept and work through all of that so sleep no longer becomes a focus and you can put your energy into living your life. You will learn a lot from the folks here, but do read the book. Look forward to hearing from you again!
Steve, I thought I’d post here about your contradiction question. Here’re my thoughts for whatever they are worth…
Thinking that it’s a contradiction (wanting better sleep verses accepting) could in itself be holding you back. I would suggest forgetting those confirmations that entail expectation. Because when the expectation doesn’t come to pass it can result in frustration, which blocks sleep. Stick with present moment confirmations if you want to use them. ‘I am doing fine with insomnia beside me right now’ or ‘I am feeling grateful to be in my bed’. I don’t use affirmations. I think they take to much effort and make you think about the future instead of right now. You state that you expect your insomnia will clear up. Insomnia will always be a part of your life experience. It may not be rearing it’s head much longer, but the potential is there and always will be. It’s not something that clears up, but more something you learn to live with and accept. You have the tools to accept and move on now. Allow your sleep to be what it is. I would say to stick to the second part of what you wrote. …”go to bed accepting whatever happens and not expecting to sleep.” That jives with the ACT philosophy. It’s the same reason why all those props are not good. They are an expectation to help you sleep. When they don’t work they cause stress. Affirmations about the future do the same thing. But affirmations about the present, ‘I am open to whatever happens’, or ‘I willingly accept the tiredness I feel right now’ can move you in good directions.Hi Burn, overthinking was something I have to watch or it gets the best of me. I’ll do the welcoming for a minute or two and then go back to mindfulness. It helps keep me from getting stuck in my thoughts.
Borgesbi, my sleep is also impacted by my current concerns, or even if I watch something troubling before bed. I’m trying to notice and welcome the worry and concern. Sometimes it’s hard to let it go or it will cycle round again. Last night was like that. I usually wake at least an hour before my wake up time and just try to drift. I’m giving myself 8 hours in bed. The 3 or 4 awakenings seem fairly consistent. I hope they will fade. But if not, I can live with it.
Nik, I think of insomnia as always being at my side. It will always be there with the potential to rear it’s head. I just need to stay in practice with the tools to manage it. Try not to carry the baggage of a bad night into the next day or let it impact your daily life. G Meadows wants us to be open to experiencing the consequences of insomnia, even if we dislike them.
I feel like I have come a long way in the 6 weeks of ACT, especially in not stressing or letting poor sleep sap my energy anymore then it has to. If I’m feeling exhausted (and several awakenings seem to do that), I’ll take a timed 20 min. nap to enjoy the rest of my day.
Blessings for refreshing rest
My sleep has morphed from the light sleep to just awakenings that are brief. Is that a good thing? It feels better so I think it is. I had my CPAP checked and it was interesting to see a graph of my awakenings. I have several. The good thing is I’m getting some deep sleep, and getting back to sleep after waking, thanks to using the mindfulness.
Borgesbi, I’m curious to hear how and what your sleep does next. It sure helps to get that core 5 hours.Thanks Deb for letting me know more about those nights with light sleep. I’ve had them all week. Lots of fleeting thoughts last night of no importance, but with less sleep than usually. Perhaps due to a stressful day with bats on the porch and ants in the house. I feel good today and the tools helped with that. It is very encouraging to know that after this phase that you healed completely. Hoping the same will be true for me.
Borgesbi, I also practice gentle SR. I consistently keep to a bedtime and wake time that stays within a half hour. I don’t clock watch otherwise and so rarely know how much sleep I really get. The light or no sleep occurs toward the second half of the night.
Have a calm night of ease, sleep or not. Stay mindful to catch those thoughts–even if you don’t like it.Deb, how long were you experiencing those light sleep nights? Do you still have them?
I’m with you too Gsdmom! It’s part of the process. Consider it another step toward recovery and an opportunity to put those tools to work. Believe in your natural ability to sleep and keep us posted!
I’m have night of that light sleep Deb referred to earlier. It’s good to know from your posts, Deb, that this also is normal and another step toward recovery. We’ll strive to continue to be open to what comes and just let it sit beside us while, focusing on the current moment.
