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delv-x – self-monitoring is tricky for me too. When doing that I’m usually not even anxious, just over active mind. Like you I find getting out of bed to reset can help. I usually go downstairs and get some water or make tea and sit in the dark for about 15 minutes. And I totally understand how you can feel disappointment when taking 1/2 pill for sleep, trying to balance the need to feel rested but drugged vs sleep deprivation.
Manfred – my mood is generally more on the anxiety side rather than depressive, However last month I had this ah-ha moment when I realized I was in depression, and once that happened and I could recognize it I really worked on changing my perspective about things. Hope you can have patience and stay hopeful.
My bout with shingles is almost over, I still have mild numbness and pain at the same time along the nerve path from my lower back to the right leg that has left me physically weaker than normal. I have not been on any medications for 8 days. I’ve come to realize how extremely sensitive my nervous system is. The valtrex for shingles gave me insomnia, anxiety and body pains, even the tylenol and advil for pain made me feel blah and bloated. Other than HRT, I’m on no other prescription or OTC drugs and hope to stay that way. I’m at least getting some decent stretches of deep sleep, usually 5.5 hours and then it feels like an hour to 1.5 hours of light sleep.
I am continuing to do things to calm my nervous system; listening to guided meditations, practice mindfulness while walking even if just for a few moments, doing the “welcoming” at night as needed as I need it less and less which is good. It has become easier to be objective about upsetting situations and “letting go”. I’m hoping the acupuncture lounge will open up again soon as I found that to be soothing too. Wishing everyone a restful sleep tonight!
Hi Mac – so glad to know you are sleeping better. Do you feel more mentally sharp during the day and have more energy? Or is your body still recovering from sleep deprivation? What about the dark circles? Back in March, a few hours before the shut down here in CA, I went to a Medspa and had a conservative amount of filler put in my cheeks. I feel it helped the bags a bit, but dark circles are still there. May try some tear trough filler, we’ll see if still needed once I start sleeping well for a month or so. I’m in my late 50’s so sleep deprived or not, people my age start losing some collagen and the skin sags.
As far as Covid goes, in my county retail is supposed to be open for curbside pick up, but I haven’t tried that yet. A few restaurants that had just closed have started opening for take out for limited hours. I was rehired May 1st and we allow document drop off in a tax office.
My sleep started to improve in late April. Then I had extreme lower back pain and I couldn’t sleep through it so I took Ambien for a couple of nights then went to urgent care. They told me I had sciatica. Also had pain and numbness at the same time on my right leg. A week later I developed a rash – it turns out I have shingles. The dormant chickenpox virus that lingers in you spinal column reactivated. I went to urgent care again, and they gave me meds to reduce the symptoms of shingles. The pain from shingles is severe, shooting and stabbing pain. My skin rash luckily is mild, not itchy. However, researching the side effects from the med, Valtrex, it said it may cause disturbed sleep, like insomnia!! Initially, I was just feeling weird on this med, then into the 3rd day I got insomnia, the 4th day along with insomnia had tachycardia and started getting panic attacks. The side effects from the med were worse than the shingles so I skipped my final daily dose and then fell asleep very quickly, even though tossing and turning in pain. I was also given muscle relaxers, but they are awful too, so barely took them. Now I just alternate between for Tylenol and Advil for pain. I have about 1-2 weeks more recovery from shingles, hoping to stay off the meds. The doctor said shingles is often brought on by stress. Well, I’d say being sleep deprived for a year is stressful. She got upset that I took an Ambien to sleep for pain instead of a muscle relaxer. I brought up that I had insomnia for a year, and the doctor didn’t seem to care. In general, it seems doctors don’t take this issue seriously, only the people in the healing arts like accupuncture or yoga instructors, etc have responded to me how important sleep is for your well-being. I am thankful for the people here that totally understand how awful insomnia can be.
Manfred – At the beginning of ACT there were some nights I did not sleep because I was so focused on welcoming my thoughts telling myself I am just resting in bed and accepting I have insomnia. I did try to stay in bed all night although it sometimes took a few hours to calm my mind. There might be one or two times I would get up, but just sit for a few moments on a bench in my bedroom, or I’d go downstairs for a cup of water and give myself a little massage because I was often achy being sleep deprived. The longest I’d stay out of bed was about 30 minutes to write in a journal, but that was not very often.
I’d also notice my thoughts during the daytime and practice ACT. Listening to a guided meditation helped relieve some daytime anxiety. For me, relaxing in bed gave me less anxiety and more energy for the day ahead. Having just a little more energy during the day was a huge improvement for me.
Hi Deb and everyone else – I was almost seeing the light! Then had a severe attack of sciatica.
I was at 10 days no Ambien and sleeping normal for 4-5 nights in a row. Internally I felt so much peace. I had been trying to practice mindfulness while just walking quietly with my dog, focusing on sounds. Then 5 nights ago I had such severe back pain I could barely sleep, maybe 3 hours. The next night the same thing, I then took 2 Ambien as one was not working and I was asked to come back into work again, Next night the same thing, but woke up with my upper right leg numb. Went to work for 5 hours, then went to urgent care. I got a Tramadol shot and muscle relaxers. They didn’t help with pain or sleep last night, so I took another ambien. Pain is at its worst lying down. I see the doctor again on Friday, hoping things will improve a little by then. I’ve read this might take a week or two to resolve.I feel better up and walking although my leg feels weird being somewhat numb still. My father started having this in his mid-thirties. His pain came on and off over the years.Hi RonA – The longest I was able to stop Ambien was for about 10 weeks since I started it last year. Prior to insomnia it had been over 8 years since I took anything for sleep. I started taking Ambien again the end of November, probably due to holiday and work stress. The most I take it 3x a week. If I knew I was having a bad night but didn’t have to work the following day, then I’d skip the Ambien. Since I started ACT back in August, there have been two periods where I was almost normal – getting good sleep for almost 3 weeks in a row. That happened in Nov. and March. I’ve never taken Xanax. Many years ago I had ativan/lorazapam, it relaxed me but never got me to sleep, even taking narcotics didn’t put me to sleep (neck injury, not for sleep). Ambien is the only thing that ever worked. Last week my employer reduced staffing by 2/3, and only the most experienced stayed on (which wasn’t me) so I’m hoping over the next few days that my sleep will improve if I can just keep my household mellow.
I hope that you are at least feeling a little more refreshed and getting more restorative compared to last summer. I am, thank goodness.
Mac – hope you get back to sleeping well, and can’t wait to read about how your dark under eye circles have disappeared!
Deb – glad you are resting well too!
Manfred – Sorry about your setback. I keep having them too. At night I try to do the “welcoming” of fears and thoughts I am having. I try to release my control and fears to a higher power and trust things will improve. Sometimes it might take several hours for me to calm down, and maybe sleep for 3-4 hours, sometimes not at all. I find if I really look deep and put a name on what is bothering me that is helpful. Most nights I feel very calm just before bed, but I am probably focusing on sleeping too much, just enough mental process to keep me from drifting off. Lately, I might have 3 good nights or 3 good weeks in a row, and then no or minimal sleep for several nights in a row. So Frustrating!!!
I have never taken a benzo, but do take Ambien more often than I’d like. When I was not working I went for about 10 weeks without an Ambien. I’ve tried to reduce my dosage at least and lately take only 2.5mg, instead of 5mg. And if I don’t sleep on that, then so be it. I often feel in conflict about taking medication and getting some restorative sleep vs taking no medication but doing harm by not getting enough restorative sleep.
Von, I’m like Edgar as far as my sleep goes and saying it depends on the type of work you do. I have not applied to any positions that are too challenging for me because being sleep deprived my memory is not the best and I don’t like making mistakes. However, being new on a job you will make mistakes, well rested or sleep deprived, and you will learn from them and move on.
Keep yourself well nourished and hydrated and hopefully being that it is a busy office the day will go by quickly. I’ve had 3 jobs in the past 6 months, 2 were seasonal and one I quit. For me, what kept me going was having co-workers that were super supportive,, responsive managers and an environment with good teamwork. The one job I quit paid quite well, but very oppressive where I felt I could not ask question or for help. So your work environment will probably determine how you cope more than your lack of sleep.
Mac – Sorry you had such a frustrating night! I know it is recommended in general to avoid watching screens about an hour before bed, but on the other hand you probably want to return to acting like a “normal” sleeper. Is there anything about your job that is causing hidden anxiety other than waking early? I had sleep issues about 12 years ago when I was studying and being an intern in the medical profession. The nights before I had to go to a clinic or hospital I had insomnia. I know it was normal to feel anxiety, and other students occasionally had insomnia or panic attacks. I felt unprepared and abandoned and unsupported in this environment. I also had resentment towards my instructor. The days we were supposed to do hands-on care with patients, my instructor seemed like she was hiding in an empty room planning her daughter’s wedding, instead of working one on one with us. And it was clear that some medical staff really resented having a student follow them for a day and so I learned very little. About 20% of the time, I was lucky to have a mentor that loved to teach and share knowledge and it was a great day, but I never knew when that would happen so the unknowing of how my day would go created anxiety. My expectations of my learning experience were much higher than the reality of what was actually happening. I was in constant conflict of whether to quit the program or tough it out thinking it would get better (it didn’t). I know this is a long story, but wondering if there are some deeper issues with your job, you could identify them, then work them out or just at least acknowledge and accept them? I wish I was able to have better insight during that time, and then I might have handled it better and slept better.
Hi Steve – as far as wake ups go – yes I do have them. I’ve read the typical sleep cycle lasts 90-120 minutes and I feel like when I do wake its the transition from the REM dreaming stage back into the first light sleep stage. If I can sleep 7-8 hours, I might wake about 3 times. Right now my biggest challenge seems to be getting into that deep sleep (stage 3) in the beginning of the night, as if I’m just lingering in stage 1 and/or 2, then I become wide awake and have a difficult time settling down again. Like last night, I finally settled into a good sleep between 2:30am-5:30am. I only work half a day today, so I think I will get through it OK. As far as the cats and dog go, in the future if I ever get new pets, I will take your suggestion and keep the bedroom door closed from the time they come home with me, so that will be their normal.
Thanks for your support and kind words. Regarding my job, last week we were shut down Friday and thought there would be a couple week break due to state and governor’s orders regarding coronavirus. Then Sunday, got a call to show up for work on Monday. No customer contact, we are staggered at our desks at work and now limit the number of staff in the office. So far, at least for this week I am working full time, the good news is that the latest I am working is 6pm instead of 9-9:30pm.
Back to my sleep – 3rd night in a row no Ambien, hope this keeps up. 1st night I couldn’t settle and listened to a guided sleep meditation about 12am. They don’t make me sleep but at least get into a relaxed, accepting state. Slept form 2am-7am. 2nd night the same thing, but slept from 1am-7am, and last night was able to fall asleep on my own after about an hour, maybe 11pm. Probably would have slept a good 8 hours, but I have a large Siamese cat, about 15lbs that insisted he get cuddled and massaged 3x last night, He has that Siamese howl and will take his paw and tap my face persistently until I do so. It doesn’t happen that often, I think I probably got at least 6 hours of sleep. Extended light sleep stages still an issue, and I’m wishing there was more medical literature on how long the nervous system and brain takes to heal from this.
Hi Deb – sounds like you are catching up on some sleep and I hope you feel better soon.
Steve and Mac – Although working from home sounds great, it is new and a different adjustment and probably subconsciously bringing on a different kind of stress. Especially for you, Mac having to log in at 7:30am.
Last Sunday morning I was feeling great, just getting into thinking I would be able to relax for a couple weeks due to not working and maybe catch up on sleep. But then at noon, the announcement came that we would be open again on Monday (but not to the public) but would return to our offices and learn how to work remotely with clients. Uncertain workdays, adjusting to learning different computer processes and procedures were just enough to start terrible sleep onset issues. Took ambien again, the last 2 nights, it makes me feel like a failure, but I know I should not be so hard on myself. I”m having difficulty just letting my mind drift off. The next two days I’m working at an office that’s only 1 1/4 miles from my home, so if the weather’s nice I’ll walk to and from work, and practice some mindfulness while walking, that will feel good. Hoping we all adjust soon and reduce our anxieties.
Yeah for the sleep drive working. The night before slept about 3.5 hours, then yesterday I made a point of getting lots of fresh air and exercise, listened to guided meditation and at night finally slept for 8.5 hours. Today I’m officially laid off for almost 2 weeks so it will be interesting to see if the stress reduction from work will help with insomnia.
Deb – yes, my husband is very inconsiderate, and has contributed to extending my insomnia. Since you are a marriage counselor and understand personality disorders and such, I would describe him as a malignant narcissist. Statistically, his life expectancy is very short due to health reasons, so that helps me cope.
Mac – there have been days when I’ve felt dizzy like that too, and even more scary is the brain fog, as forgetting people’s names and words in the middle of a conversation. I wonder if you stay in the light sleep stage for an extended time? Insomnia definitely has affected memory, word recall, and mental math calculations. I know living in the NYC area can also be especially stressful and competitive even without the coronavirus. I used to live nearby and spent some time in the summers with my grandma on E. 72nd St. Hoping you can relax and get restored at home this coming week.
Hi Steve – I am doing seasonal work as a tax preparer. Last night our schedules were being changed to close earlier at night, and now that all of CA has the stay in place order, our offices are closed for today. I spent much of yesterday reviewing the procedures for preparing tax returns online, although I’d still have to go to work to access the computer to do so. The govt still can’t decide if they are extending the tax filing deadline, there is a tax payment deadline.
Glad you were able to get a few solid nights of sleep in a row. Last night I skipped the Ambien and finally got about 3.5 hrs of sleep. Might of got some more sleep, but my spouse made some really stinky food about 1am and I had to get up and open the windows and couldn’t deep sleep until about 4am. I listened to some soothing guided mindfulness meditations so I stayed calm, then had some fascinating dreams. But after nights like last night, my sleep drive is usually great enough where I can fall asleep quickly tonight.
Sorry you and Mac are missing the gym. I do my exercise outdoors due to our milder climate. With the Stay in Place orders, you are allowed to go outside for exercise, so yesterday I took my dog for a hike on our usual trails where I seldom encounter anyone, However yesterday with many people not working I had to make room for 10 mountain bikers on the trails. I know, its not the worst complaint at the moment. Hope everyone here stays safe and healthy!
