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Hey Seps, you replied to my post and I want you to know that I read it and you’re right you are not alone and neither am I. Reading your post literally makes me want to tear up, and not necessarily in a bad way. It make me so sad hearing this but it gives me hope and I know that there is other people like us out there.
I think its important that you realize you know it will not last forever, and if you have made it this far that proves you WILL be OKAY. Im no stranger to anxiety, and I have learned that it can be very debilitating and make you brain & body do whatever it wants. I think you are on the right track to tackle this, just keep going and know that you got this, we can do it together!
Lately I have been trying to be more optimistic and look at the bright side, trying to focus on the positive. After a rough last night I was thinking how this forum, and talking to you guys helps me.
Hey Andy, you’ve commented on my post here in the past. I was just checking in and wanting to know how you are doing?
I read the 2 posts you wrote and I relate to both of them. I can sleep with alcohol but thats never a good crutch to use lol.
@scottctj
Hello Scott, Thank you for your reply and interest!Yes the alcohol does help me sleep, but I don’t really have an issue with waking up unless its to use the rest room. Also once I wake up I don’t really have to much trouble falling back to sleep quickly. It’s always just that initial first time. I do get stuck in the “what if” spiral often, I am working on trying to have the mindset you mentioned as to say “so what?!” Whenever I have had insomnia in the past that is usually how I have shaken it, but this is the worst bout. I have had anxiety in the past and learned ways to cope but its been awhile so I’m relearning these tactics.
Right now I seem to be shifting back and forth from helpless to thinking rationally. Its a-lot easier said than done when it comes to fixing these problems, but I know it doesn’t happen overnight. I know that currently my anxiety/insomnia is due to some recent major life changes so I keep reminding myself its only temporary. I have never been one to rely on medicines to help me sleep or feel less anxious, it just doesn’t work for me and I don’t like to be dependent.
What is just been getting me lately is, I don’t understand how I can be so tired and nodding on the couch, yet when I get in bed I just lay there. Also sometimes i’m not even super anxious, i’m so exhausted and my mind is literally in random incoherent thoughts wandering yet I cant seem to fall asleep. So eventually I get up and do something else, but i’m so tired that the only thing I want to do is go lay back in bed, which isn’t an option.
I have not really started the CBTI from Martin yet, I mainly just try to keep a strict routine and get out of bed if I can’t sleep or at least turn the tv on. I have been doing pretty good since I came beach from vacation but I’ve had a couple bad nights and I don’t understand why. I do drink on the weekends and during the nothing crazy, I’m never hungover. But on nights I drink I fall asleep so early so fast and it’s great and when I don’t I just can’t. Last night was a Sunday after a busy weekend and I layed down around 10:30 because I couldn’t keep my eyes open on the couch and as soon as I hit the bed I just couldn’t fall asleep. My mind will drift off also but I can’t seem to cross that threshold, I toss and turn and then my mouth gets dry and eventually I will get up. Couldn’t fall asleep till 3am then woke up at 6 for work. I’m not sure why this happens as I’m so tired but just can’t get there. I do keep a sleep journal, the past 2 weeks look good except for a couple nights, but I don’t understand what makes those awful nights different than my good ones.
Hey Andrew, Its been a couple weeks and I wanted to check up on you. Currently i’m doing not so good, I was and then everything suddenly got bad again. After our last post I start giving myself a strict sleep window, this did seem to help and I would get some sleep. It still would take me sometimes an hour to fall asleep but that’s better than like 4. Anyways 2 weeks ago my girl friend came to visit, and when she was here I had no issues ( granted we were drinking alcohol alot). I was calm and I always seemed to fall asleep easy. Well anyways last week she left and things got bad again. I was struggling to fall asleep, getting anywhere from 4-6 hours. Then the weekend came and I drank my way through it. Then sunday came and got about 4 hours. The next night however, I did not get any sleep.. I was so tired but just laid there having panic all night. Im not sure why but now when night comes I get insanelt dry mouth and sometimes nausea. I actually threw up that morning getting ready for work a couple times. That for sure doesn’t help the fear.. Regardless at 6am I got up and went to work. Surprisingly did not seem tired at work, got home and almost fell asleep on the couch but whenever I tried I just came become aware and it didn’t work. As night approached I was becoming more nervous, when ever I don’t get any/little sleep my heart races the next day. I decided to drink, took about 3 shots and got in bed at 8 ( I usually got to bed at 12) layed there in exhaustion and finally passed out around 9pm. Actually slept 9 hours. Then last night came and I had a pretty good day ,well.. I layed down tired around 10.. layed there until 12… took some medicine and made some tea.. finally got up and watched a movie at 1 until 2:30. Finally fell asleep at 3, then have on and off sleep until 8. Im happy I got sleep, but the fear and anxiety is still killing me. I cant shake this feeling something is seriously off. I will have a day with a good mindset and be happy and then night comes and its destroys me again. I just hope you are somewhere out there sleeping better than me. Im about to go on vacation and hopefully wont have any issues. When I get back I may go back to my strict 5 hour sleep window again.
Hey there, I just wanted to say I know anxiety and insomnia can be a pain. Trust me, Im still in a pretty rough patch. But you just have to stay positive and understand that no matter what, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. I know its alot easier said than done, but sometimes I can take my own advice. Just know that you aren’t alone, I promise. Everything will be okay.
Thank you so much for a response. I’m so sorry you have the same problem but it does help to know I’m not alone. Last night was actually kind of a failure and a success for me.. I need to get up at 6am for work. But I can only ever fall into deep sleep at 3am!!? So last night I was in a good head space, extremely tired, took a sleep aid and Layed down at 10pm. Well guess what.. I didn’t fall asleep until 3am.. good news is I slept through my alarm until 11 lol but the bad is I missed work and that did not help my sleep schedule. I don’t know why I can’t fall asleep until then but I hate it. It’s really hard to just get up after I don’t fall asleep and do something else until I’m tired because I don’t get tired! And when I get up the only thing I want to do is lie in bed and sleep. I found some YouTube podcast that’s actually helped put me in a good headspace that might help you as well try watching these, insomnia insight #40. Insomnia insight#292. Insomnia insight 337#. And talking insomnia #16. It’s important that we remind ourselves that we aren’t broken, you can sleep. You don’t have some crazy disease. It’s hard to remind my self these things but we need to. And if you are anything like me, melatonin and sleep aids will not help. Anxiety is the culprit. If you want to share how your last night was and what was going through your head, please do!
