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Thanks, @Rubylight. Last night was interesting for me. I was absolutely struggling to stay awake by 11pm, and I did nod off a couple of times sitting on the couch listening to a podcast. But, when I got into bed I suddenly felt hot and prickly and very alert – classic arousal symptoms. In any case, I lay there, telling myself this is all par for the course, that I was safe, there was nothing to fret about, that my sleep drive was still strong, and, within 15 minutes or so I drifted off into a pretty solid night’s sleep. Nice. I’m glad your sleep’s in a better place now, too. Happy days (and nights)!
I’ve just started to give stimulus control and sleep compression a go, as, whilst the ACTi approach of staying in bed, welcoming all the horrible thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations, has worked reasonably well for me in the past (this was my primary method of dealing with my erratic sleep), it really can be very painful doing so when you are absolutely hyper-aroused and anxious, and recently it hasn’t been doing much for me at all. Last night, for example, I went to bed at 11pm, and felt myself relaxing pretty quickly, even though I was quite anxious beforehand. I got surprisingly comfortable, but I was conscious of not sleeping (or so I thought) for about half an hour. So, I got myself out of bed and went out to the living room – at which time I noticed it was actually 1245am – meaning I’d been in light sleep for about an hour and three quarters! I love a good time-slip. In any case I was up, so I read for an hour (I wasn’t happy about being up in the night, but it wasn’t unbearable; though I’ve been very resistant to it in the past), and I went back to bed at 145am. In spite of my husband’s snoring, I drifted back into a light, weirdly dream-filled sleep, and woke to the alarm at 530am. And today I feel fine, and quite buoyed. Personally, I’ll take light or broken sleep over no sleep at all any day. In hindsight, I was relaxed enough in bed to perhaps not have gotten up, and I dare say I would have drifted off eventually if I’d stayed put; but I was feeling gung-ho about approaching the night differently. Up till recently, I’ve had a regular tendency to fall asleep on the couch watching television around 830pm or so, and on a good night I wake naturally at around 1030pm, go to bed, and sleep with no problem. But on some nights, that nap seems to completely erode my sleep drive, and then I’m up all night. Or, some nights, if I don’t fall asleep on the couch, I start getting anxious, and the night can go any which way. I’m now determined to cut out the evening couch naps, and make my new sleep window 11pm to 530am, as compressing my sleep and knocking a couple of hours of it each night will do me good. And I think I’ll use a mix of stimulus control, or practice staying in bed befriending wakefulness – depending on how I feel. So far so good!
I’m so pleased to hear it worked well for you, @BorgC and @Rubylight. How did you find the sleep restriction and stimulus control at first? I’ve been struggling on and off with sleep now for the past few months, and whilst the acceptance and commitment approach has generally worked for me in the past (staying in bed, no matter how bad the night is), I seem to have lost my knack for it recently, and I’m pulling more all-nighters than I used to. Whilst I do have great nights, in between the lousy ones, I’m thinking of giving sleep restriction and stimulus control a go, just to try and get some consistency to my sleep – instead of it being all over the place. But, I find the thought of it a little challenging, in spite of the fact I can see how sound the theory of it is. Was it hard? Did it get better?
I really like your perspective on things @Rubylight, and the hope that your words instil in those of us who are still struggling. You’ve said your sleep is still a little erratic, in spite of it really improving after finishing the course. Out of curiosity, what do your nights look like nowadays?
I have actually been keeping a record of my sleep since last December when it went off the rails, Spunky. It’s pretty basic info, but I usually note whether I fell asleep on the couch (which I do frequently) before I go to bed, whether I’ve had any alcohol that night, whether I had difficulty getting to sleep (and if so, what time I fell asleep), whether I had no sleep at all (which has been frequent of late, alas), and then a rating of the night overall – from lousy to perfect. I do find it reassuring to go back and review how things have been, as I’ve had lots of good (perfect) sleep nights, mixed in with the lousy and no sleep nights, during this particular bout of insomnia. But, I find it can also add performance pressure to sleep well, and it can make me start to feel anxious, particularly as the evening falls. It’s actually getting to the point where I’m wondering whether I should stop keeping records, and just accept my nights as they come, without diarising it. Do good sleepers do this? No, they don’t. And at heart, I still consider myself a good sleeper, as, when I’m calm and not hyper-aroused, I sleep just fine, and feel refreshed when I wake – mostly. In short, I’m wondering whether recording and rating each night is “giving air” to insomnia, and fanning its flames. What do you think?
I probably am putting some pressure on myself, Scott, yes – in my desire for consistent sleep from night to night. It all feels so uncertain at the moment. Thankfully the pendulum pattern has petered out, but I’m still pulling all-nighters (last night, for example), then three nights before that. The two nights in between I slept perfectly.
And Hiker, I appreciate your perspective. One of my problems, I feel, is that all the good sleep I’ve had in the past doesn’t seem to reinforce my confidence in my ability to sleep well (relatively speaking) all the time, moving into the future. I suppose it’s just going to be a matter of time. I am also paying more attention to the way I react to my sleepless nights, as I know I can get through the next day with minimal impairment to my activities or work (though my emotions can feel all over the place as I go about my daily business, and frankly, I feel horrible). But, I just keep going, and sleep like the dead the next night(s).
None of us are alone in this, as you say – a fact I frequently dwell on as I lie in bed fretting at 3am – and no doubt we’ll all one day come out the other end stronger for the ordeal. In the meantime, courage!
