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Hi Bea,
Like you, I was no stranger to CBTi going in to this course and had previously implemented techniques (such as sleep restriction) to treat my insomnia. Inevitably I would relapse and would fall back on old behaviors, such as going to bed early to try to maximize my sleep, and relying regularly on Ambien whenever I’d get into a bad patch of nights. Quite frankly it was a never-ending, very entrenched cycle, and if it weren’t for the fact that this summer I started a new customer-facing 7:00 AM job 3-4 days a week, I might still be stuck and sleepless and perpetually in an Ambien-induced fog. Shortly after I took the job I discovered Martin’s podcast and I began listening to the interviews and signed up for his free 2-week course, which helped me to reframe my perspective on sleep and insomnia in a way that I never had. For me, one of the most important take aways has been that insomnia is essentially the same in all of us. I was definitely one of those people who identified as a “bad sleeper” and felt like my particular insomnia affliction was worse than all other cases, and therefore somehow untreatable. It was like a dark secret that I carried around with me. I now know, thanks to the podcast, that I’m no different than anyone else. For me, the real change came when I started to do less and think less about my insomnia and imposed a strict sleep window from 11:00 to 5:30 AM. I used to feel like by 7:30 PM I needed to start transitioning to bed time in order to prepare to be up at 5:30. I felt intense pressure, clock-watched obsessively, and applied a good deal of effort towards getting to bed early, which was extremely difficult with teens in the house. “Hurry up and sleep” was my mantra. Now I take a more relaxed approach. I still have wakeful nights, but I’m able to get through the day and do what I need to do. I’ve proven to myself that a night of poor sleep is not the end of the world for me, and this has been really key. It’s hard to stay awake at night and I do sometimes go to bed earlier, but there is no question that adhering to a sleep schedule has been life-altering. It’s an ongoing process for me and I’m by no means “cured”, but I just want to encourage you to do the hard work and to stick with it. 🙂You are not alone!
I, too, have a teenage daughter who is struggling. The knowledge that she needs me to show up, be present, and mentally agile often weighs on me when it’s 3:00 AM and I can’t get back to sleep and my alarm is set to go off at 5:30 AM.
I’ve suffered from insomnia for many, many years and am very familiar with nights of zero sleep. They are torturous and unbelievably lonely.
The good news is that sleep restriction WILL work and you WILL sleep. I would recommend that you consistently implement a 5.5 or 6 hour window and give yourself a solid week to two weeks. Don’t stray from the schedule! At first it may feel like like the sleep window isn’t working (you may not be sleepy when you sleep window begins or ends), and you may have more nights of zero sleep. That “wired and tired” state tends to hang around for awhile. It’s like… being adrenalized and exhausted becomes our steady state. Eventually, though, you will get sleepy again and your body will simply take care of the rest. It’s just going to take a firm commitment to the sleep window.
You should also remind yourself that even on your worst days, when you’ve had zero sleep, you’ve still managed to get through them and the world hasn’t ended. Going forward, if you are still finding yourself awake in the middle of the night once your sleep window ends, try to find the positives in it and see it as an opportunity to take time for yourself. Set up a cozy nook with a nice reading light, gather some books or other non-stimulating activities, and just tell yourself that it’s your time and that’s it OK to be awake. If/when you get sleepy, go to bed. With time, you’ll fall asleep 🙂
Hope this helps!
