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All, I’m happy to share that my problem with noise is gone, so my insomnia is too! Daniel Erichsen posted a video addressing noise that changed everything for me; in it, he shared that noise isn’t actually the problem, fear of wakefulness is. I can block out noise, but no pair of earplugs will ever block out the fear. That hit me like a ton of bricks. The last 2 nights, I’ve had zero anxiety about the HVAC (or sleep, for the first time in months!) because 1) I’ve reframed it and its lovely cool air as something that makes sleep conditions good rather than bad, and 2) When I hear it and my heart quickens, I’ve thought “You’re not a problem, my fear is,” and have immediately felt better. Now my heart doesn’t react at all. Plus, instead of hearing it and freaking out (a la OMG IT’S BEEN 20 MINUTES AND I’M STILL NOT ASLEEP), I’ve realized time doesn’t really matter: my time in bed is for me and my enjoyment. If it takes 20, 40, 60 minutes to fall asleep, who cares as long as I feel pleasant in bed? Before insomnia, it probably always took 30-60 minutes to fall asleep anyway, and it never bothered me; why should it now?
I hate to revisit this, but after a really good run, I am feeling truly stuck and discouraged about this noise problem again. I discovered a few days ago that I can *barely* hear the AC through my earplugs after all, and knowing it goes off every 20ish minutes means it’s essentially turned into clock watching; when it’s off, I think about how it will come back on in 20 minutes, and when it’s on, it reminds me I’ve been up yet another 20 minutes…on and on throughout the night. There are no stronger earplugs out there, and white noise hasn’t helped because it’s like I’m LOOKING for the sound at this point. Trying not to think about it is like trying not to think about the moon! What else am I supposed to think about when I’m just lying there motionless in the dark, though? I’ve scoured the public forum and it doesn’t appear that anyone else has this problem, so it’s making me feel like my insomnia may actually be unique after all. If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it…all I can think to do in the meantime is TRY to neutrally accept whenever I hear it (which helped a little last night, though I still probably slept only 2 hours), but I shudder to think of how many sleepless nights it will take before that starts to work. I know I’ll get there because I can fall asleep on the couch regardless of AC, but it’s a mental block that I am really struggling to overcome.
Thank you – I think acknowledgement and acceptance will be a good approach, even if it takes time. I started practicing a form of it during the day, and my anxieties are weakening already…now when it clicks on, I notice it, but felt neutral instead of fearful, and usually get distracted by something else before it clicks off. Hopefully this continues! Maybe I’ll never un-notice sounds, but hopefully I can take a similar approach to cope with every barking dog, car driving by, loud hotel room, etc. throughout life.
Also, some thoughts for anyone else with this problem: last night I had a good night again after 3 bad ones, for 2 reasons. 1) I upgraded my earplugs from foam to silicone (they’re more comfortable and have a higher NRR rating than the crusty foam ones), and didn’t hear the AC at all! 2) I also went to bed 30 minutes later so I could ensure I was truly sleepy and not just fatigued…I figured I wouldn’t care about loud noises if I was sleepy enough. After 3 bad nights in a row, I was worried I’d never feel sleepy again…and then by 10:20, I was practically unconscious on the couch 🙂 one interesting thing I noticed is that after 7 straight hours of sleep last night, I woke up happy and refreshed, but I still feel exactly as tired as I did yesterday after 3 nights of terrible sleep. The only difference between today and yesterday is my perception of the night. Mindset is everything!
Thank you for the encouraging perspective. I slept much better last night, and feel more hopeful about the weeks ahead!
