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I think it really helps if you can find something you enjoy doing while awake. As long as you are waiting to go back to sleep, you are still in a struggle with sleep. Personally, I play a non-stressful strategy video game that can take hours. While I am playing I am not thinking about sleep at all. Sometimes I read something light. If my mind is really racing, I journal until the thinking runs itself out. There is no one right way to deal with wakefulness, but if you can find something that is enjoyable in itself that is really very helpful.
It’s wonderful to not think about sleep and just sleep naturally. But we can’t control our thoughts, so if fear is back for a visit, you will have to welcome him for as long as he cares to stay. Your brain is probably thinking, I can go back to that good sleep, if I can just get rid of this fear! That’s logical, except that we cannot control our thoughts. There is no getting rid of fear. The only way to handle this is to go through it, that is, fully accept the fear, fully feel the fear, and then decide how you want to respond to it.
I think perhaps you need to reset your expectations. Maybe your habits and attitudes are better than before, but there is no way to permanently banish insomnia. Sleep is like a wild animal that you can invite into your house but you can’t make it behave predictably, which is what it sounds like you are looking for. The best approach is to find a positive approach to nighttime wakefulness, and sleep will happen when it is ready to happen.
In terms of sleeping in the other room, I think it’s best not to have any strict rules, because nothing will make sleep happen. If you feel like you can be more restful and relaxed by sleeping in the other room, sure, let yourself try this for a few days. But I think a rule-based approach, i.e., I must be in the other room to get good sleep or I must sleep with my partner no matter how I feel, both rule-based approaches I think will not be helpful. Take an experimental and observational approach instead.
I play a relaxing video game. It’s not about blowing people up. It’s a turn-based strategy game. I find it very distracting and somewhat enjoyable. Sometimes while playing I get sleepy and go back to bed, but most of the time I do not, I just keep playing until it is time to get up.
I’ve noticed that other sleep experts often talk about sleep as if it could be controlled and made to behave in a regular and predictable way. What are your thoughts about this? It seems to me many insomnia treatments could backfire if they feed the expectation that sleep can be controlled.
I also had a “relapse” last week because it was a stressful week, but I responded differently this time. I told myself that a certain amount of insomnia is in fact natural, and that my body would start sleeping more on its own when the opportunity arose. It’s interesting because I could feel the slippery slope of rising anxiety. But rather than try to seize control of it, I just accepted that anxious thoughts are inevitable.
It sounds like part of your stress is the decision on whether or not to take sleep meds. I suggest perhaps making this decision one week at a time. One week, maybe try taking the same amount of sleep med every day. Then perhaps another week, commit to taking no sleep meds all week. I think either one is OK, what you want to do is release yourself from the struggle of having to make the decision each day.
I think that’s right. It’s like pushing down on the beach ball. If you try to push these memories away, that would only increase your struggle. Accept that these memories are part of you, and part of your thoughts. Have you tried any of the visualizations, like clouds in the sky?
Two sleepless nights is a row is terrible. But the only way out is to accept that you cannot make your body sleep. It will sleep when it is ready and when you are able to relax enough to get out of the way.
That’s why it’s usually best to focus on anything besides sleep, try to go about your normal day as much as possible.I think everyone has some bad nights. That’s normal. The problem with us insomniacs is that we start to obsess about it and feel like we have to fix it the next night. Just accept that your body will eventually get the sleep it needs. Everybody has anxious nights sometimes!
It’s true that in general sleep affects my quality of life. However, even on a day with poor sleep, I can have some good hours and good experiences. I try to be in the moment and accept how things are. Sometimes I will even have a good day after poor sleep. On the other hand, if I am exhausted and unable to concentrate, I try to accept that and treat myself gently. I may go home from work early (I have a flexible job), rest and take it easy.
I think you should accept that you might not be able to sleep well before either of these events. The more pressure you feel to sleep well on particular days, the more difficult sleep will be. Instead, try to formulate a back up plan of what you will do in case you don’t sleep well.
For the two-hour drive, you can probably do that just by having some caffeine right before, even if you don’t sleep at all.
For the five-hour drive, maybe you can stop and take a nap somewhere if you get really sleepy during the drive. Is there anyone you can share the driving with?
I know these plans are not ideal, but I think if you start thinking about how you will cope by making realistic back-up plans, it will reduce the amount of pressure you are putting on yourself.
