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'yamerias' wrote on '01:
They are in purple?? Damn, that's just epic!!
There's a song called Start Wearing Purple that struck a chord with us, and for at least 6 months we ended our routines with it. You can find it on YouTube–but beware, the video is atrocious, and the singer has a heavy Balkan-states accent.
If you visit either http://inannaraqs.com/performances.htm or http://inannaraqs.com/Gallery.htm you can see us in purple, in elemental colors, and in older garb. I'm the most rounded and oldest (in the photos where Rowan could still dance with us, before her musculo-skeletal problems caused her too much pain for dancing–she's 16 days older than I am) one, mostly in purple or teal, but the earliest gigs had me in borrowed attire in colors which I shouldn't wear (yellow not saturated enough, and other wimpy colors near my face in badly wrapped turbans), and I got stuck with the yellow elemental skirt, for which there was no matching choli, as the others wore. The near-copper colors were not coppery enough, and I hope we never have to wear them again, unless I can have a saffron-yellow choli made.
In the video of the BellyDance MommyStars (a riff on the BellyDanceSuperStars shows), I am off, off, off. I had a Costume Malfunction, and was too distracted, dammit. I got better! The young man is my son, the young girl is Stacy's daughter. Sophia, Petra's daughter, two years younger than Monica, was too shy to join the routine.
Petra's the Lead Instigator, and she and Stacy/Chiya often do duets, and dance apart from the rest of the troupe at Burner/Playa/Burning Man-linked events. Sometimes I feel left out. Since we have two additional members of our troupe, we need to get them in photos in the bios page.
'mariamoody1985' wrote on '01:All of my friends and family have been great since I came out! None of them liked my ex though. Get embarrassed now when they tell me the amount of personal stuff she would tell them when I wasn't in the room!
A lot of times, we're afraid of vehement denial or anger from the person (e.g., my sister) to whom we're giving this kind of bad news–or we're hoping something will change (an old friend who was seeing a known philanderer).
Quote:Although I don't actually think I ever really loved her but was too soft to stand up for myself and tell her to leave!I accepted my first proposal because
-I had such a low self-image I didn't think, at 18, that anyone else would ever ask me. Goddess dropped me a question, and then She used songs about jealous lovers until I got the message and called it off.
-I felt guilty for not loving him, and felt I was obliged to say yes because he claimed to love me. My sister told me later how many other women he'd been seen with, and that he tried to hit her up, too.
As it turns out, I began seeing too much of my sperm donor in him (so did the sperm donor), and too much of my mother in me, and I knew how that turned out. He was easily made jealous (even when he orchestrated someone else getting an arm around me, from behind, while he was in front), and told me I was not to associate with any guy at college because “all men are studs, all of the time, including me”. That last should have warned me, if nothing else did. I began to chafe under his attempts to control me, the song was running in my head all the time, there was the reminder of my parents' debacle of a marriage with my sperm donor's continual abuse, and the Goddess's question in my brain…and I called things off. That night he made the rounds of friends and family, plastered, spoke of suicide, and made at least one showy attempt at it.
Oddly enough, I had no problems sticking to my guns, as I could see him pulling that nonsense anytime I did something he didn't like. I've never regretted it. Oh, yes, and I told him there was a corollary to his statement about men: that all women are whores, all the time, and that includes me. For some reason, that didn't sit well with him–can't imagine why!
Quote:I'm getting there with the standing up for myself thing though. Everyone that's met my new girlfriend, Lillias, love her! My best mates have all told me they like her and she's fab so that's a better start than the last time round! Lol. Definite happy ending!!! Now to get on with my happily ever after! 😀Please do!
Quote:Oh and the invisibility thing is very weird! I have never been disrespectful to anyone in my life, whether they sitting in a wheelchair or walking, and it annoys me now that other people are really rude to disabled people!! Just because our bodies might not be as mobile or able as other people's doesn't mean we deserve to be ignored!Exactly!
Quote:I volunteer at a Boccia teamwhat's a Boccia team? Might be a UK term with which I'm unacquainted: must correct that lapse in my UK vocabulary.
Quote:A real inspiration but most people will never know because they are too ignorant to even take the time to try and talk to him, they see his illness before him!Ain't that the truth!
It is indeed called an earworm.
I found that I could throw my brain into trying to reproduce an instrumental (to avoid the words which might make my mind active when I was trying to shut it down) piece and thereby drop off sometimes. Loreena McKennitt's Tango to Evora, which only has vocalise in it, was one I remembered thoroughly well enough to use.
'BobbyP' wrote on '02:I also have trouble when there is anything the least bit out-of-the-ordinary coming up, like a trip or a social event. Basically, I just cannot sleep AT ALL prior to these things. So we've given up a lot of the trips we used to take. And I'm pretty much a zombie at any wedding receptions, parties, family events, etc. that we have to attend, because I'm always operating on zero hours of sleep.
Gah. I hate this! My body has been doing this since I was a child, and it drives me nuts, too! I get a small amount of sleep, but that's it. When I was younger, and would be working up to a deadline on a costume for an event, I'd either finish, and try to get sleep in what remained of the night, or I wouldn't finish, try to sleep, and attempt to get up earlier than usual to finish the project. Yeah, as if my brain would shut up for a few hours?
I have no great idea to pass to you, as I have you beat by two years (for some value of two), and it still happens. Most days, my 20 oz latte is two shots of decaf, but on days where I have to function on none, or nearly no sleep, it becomes half-caff for an ordinary day, full caff for a longer day.
You have my complete and utter sympathy, of course.
'mariamoody1985' wrote on '22:1. I'm sometimes too nice for my own good and let people walk all over me
My sister was like that, before her stroke–but eventually she'd have had enough and exploded. Since her stroke, she doesn't get in that situation.
Quote:2. I eventually came out the closet 2 years ago, to which none of my friends or family seemed surprised, maybe it's pretty obvious. since doing it though, I've never been happier.Great to hear! I gather no-one in your family or friends had any problem with that?
Quote:3. I always wanted to be invisibe when I was younger and seem to have got my wish because now that I am registered disabled with unstable MS, nobody seems to listen to me (except my awesome friends!)For the conference in mid-February six weeks after I'd had surgery to remove a bone spur on my right heel, I was lent a friend's scooter, which she hasn't had to use since about 2002. She warned me I'd be invisible. I thought she was exaggerating, but she was right–I go past friends who never looked my way, I'd pass a long line of folks going the other way, none of them looking at me. It was very odd. Of course, other wheeled folks and I saw each other. When it came to visiting the vendors' room, no way was I going to brave that mess of a crowded room in the scooter, so I used my cane, and was grateful beyond grateful to sit down again. I did see a lot of folk wearing “air cast” boots like the one on my right foot, and we'd exchange stories about why we had them–organ recital!
Quote:5. I love my new girlfriend and am quite thankful to my ex for leaving me because I would never have found out what it feels like to be in love properly and not just be the easy option for someone!!I remember you were pretty broken up about that. I'm glad there's a happy ending!
'yamerias' wrote on '21:- I love the colour purple (the book/movie is good too…but I mean the colour itself)[*]I walk into my local hospital, and I'm known on a first name basis…not good!!
Our entire ATS Belly dance troupe loves purple.
When the rather attractive Pharmacist at the local druggist/chemist knew my name, I began to worry. Alas, his red head went somewhere else rather soon after.'sleeplessinky' wrote on '29:My advice is to choose a sleep specialist very carefully. Too often they have very little interest in insomnia and more in sleep apnea and other sleep disorders.That's my experience as well. The “sleep specialist” I went to was a pulmonologist, so yeah, he only looked for sleep apnea or other lung/breathing issues, and I only got the go-ahead for an overnight session after a major bout had passed, so he thought I was malingering or hypochondriac.
Stanford has what is closer to what *I* would consider a real sleep center, run by Dr. William Dement, who is one of the foremost sleep specialists in the world. He advocates a “sleep hygiene” routine, including nothing other than sleep and sex in a bed. There's an underlying supposition in the sleep hygiene guidelines of your not having common sense, alas, and doesn't really look at other conditions that you might have which could affect ability to sleep, other than stress. Some medications many of us will be on for the rest of our lives have insomnia as a side effect, and we can't go off them. Some of us had the insomnia before the condition or the meds, so what does that mean for us?
One “rule” in that regimen is that you not read in bed. Now, if I get up to read in another room until I'm ready to drop off, I'll be too awake to sleep once I get back in bed! Throughout my life, I have read in bed, as it's the most comfy place to read, even if I'm not trying to sleep. Reading can send me off to sleep OR it the book can keep me awake trying to finish it–in other words, not a constant factor. Other folks here also find that to be true.
Some “experts” suggest that you have nothing electronic in your bedroom. Em, try finding a mechanical alarm clock these days. Sorry, not going without an extension in my room, although I have the ringer off, as I HATE being woken by telephone bells of any stripe. My cell phone alarm sounds are all music that I like, some gentle, some stompy music to get me awake fast.
Quote:My problem is that the sleep doctor never delved into the cause of the insomnia after realizing that apnea was a separate issue. He didn't ask if there were problems with depression, anxiety or to see if there were any medical causes of insomnia.Exactly! Then there are pdocs who see your psych problems *causing* your insomnia, and won't listen about it predating the issue for which you are being treated. They are too often separate issues, and my current pdoc understands that. alas, she is not a sleep specialist.
Apnea is easily found and treated–other issues not so much. I hope you are able to find some relief.
'InsomniAmy' wrote on '28:Tried medications, OTC and prescription, as well as herbal remedies, tried exercise and even in a moment of desperation, meditation. NOT that I think meditation is bad for anyone else; it's just that if you knew me, you'd know exactly why it does not work on my brain.
Many of us have failed to get any relief from any of those, as well.
Quote:Sadly, he has catastrophic tinnitus and intractable headaches, and however hard I try, there is nothing I can really do about either one of those things. I'm constantly on the hunt for new technology and studies to help him. Until they come up with a cure for tinnitus (and they ARE trying, now that all these soldiers are coming home with it), he's permanently disabled. It does interfere with your thought processes, and until recently, also causes insomnia.Gah! Anyone would be permanently disabled with either one of those, and each interferes with thought, cognition, and executive functions.
Quote:I'm atypical bipolar (no “highs”), have PTSD and severe depression.Yeah, that no highs stinks. Gee, you get these awful, deep, intense, long depressions, and no relief whatsoever. My hypomanias, since my dx ten years ago, have been mild, short, and easily dispersed, as in, once I figure out I'm in one, because every perception is more intense (usually along the lines of colors being more intense, or finding more than the usual beauty in nature), it's over, in a few hours or less. Grrrr. I'm bipolar II by some lights, and bipolar NOS or merely cyclothymic by others, but they're treated the same way…
Quote:Yes, I'm medicated, but only barely, and I've run through every single antidepressant currently available in the U.S.. Yes, I've tried therapy (ten years), and I've gone through seven psychiatrists. How I ended up this way is a bit complicated, and though it might sound funny, given everything I've already told you, a bit too personal for a simple introductory post.My son and I are both motivated to be on and diligently take our meds due to our primary presenting symptom being deep depression. We're both on anti-depressants as well as mood stabilizers. Were you ever given a mood stabilizer, witho or without an AD at the same time?
Have you ever tried/found/have suggested to you a non-invasive method of dealing with treatment-resistant depression called rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation)? In 2000-1, I participated in a dosage study at Stanford U. Med. School, dept of Psychiatry. It wasn't painful, and while originally the protocols called for being on no psych meds, I had just quit a bad-side-effect alleged anti-depressant, and I still had a bit of it in my system in the first run, and boy, did I get relief. That was before being dx'd bipolar. In the next phase, I no longer had any residue of any meds, and after the dx, fell into a stronger depression (than my usual low-level depression) within days. I told the study lead I was going to fall out of the protocols because of it, and he decided that treating me for the depression with medication overrode the needs of the protocols, and started me on Effexor XR, which I am still on. Once it got in my system, the rTMS began to help again. YMMV.
Now TMS centers can be found all over. I have no idea of the cost or insurance coverage. What happens is you sit down in an ordinary chair, in an ordinary office, in whatever you wear that day. The tech/doc finds your “sweet spot” on your scalp, and that's where the instrument with the magnet is placed. In the study, we got a tap a second for three minutes, and minute or two break, and then two more minutes of it. It's not a hard tap, I don't think any of us felt pain, and you shouldn't get a headache from it.
I'm sorry you've had to go through so many psychiatrists. I've only had to fire two, and then the study docs at Stanford were delights. That's when I discovered I didn't have to put up with the attitudes of the first two. I'm still with the one I started with after the study, because we work well together.
So now that you've made your introductory post, feel free to deliver what is for mainstream folks, TMI. It's probably nothing we haven't encountered before.
Quote:My standard caveat with questions is: Don't ask unless you REALLY want to know the answer. I don't have much of an internal censor.I actually seldom ask just to be polite. If I ask how you're doing, I really do want to know what's life been like for you since last we met–and I'm still working on an internal censor at 57.
Quote:Is this a strange introduction, or what?You say that as if strange were a bad thing…glad to meet you!
'Margaret' wrote on '04:My husband sleeps very well except for the fact of waking up in the night sometimes but he definitely does not stay awake worrying. He does not understand the problems of anyone who doesn't just fall rapidly to sleep.
I have one of those husbands, too. Hate his easy-to-sleep guts. Yes, we DO understand your experience here.
'jita' wrote on '25:I am a female living in Canada. Until 2 months ago I had no clue what insomnia feels like. It started during an antibiotic treatment and me being put on atenolol that i woke up suddenly during the night after 3-4 hours, and unable to fall asleep again. These episodes were accompanied by anxiety attacks during day time, which stayed with me for about a month. The anxiety has stopped now, but the insomnia has not improved yet. My research makes me think, that the insomnia is due to the atenolol, and the anxiety is perhaps a side effect of the antibiotic *Clarithromycin*.
Interesting about the atenolol–I wouldn't have been able to notice any change in my insomnia from a new factor when I started on it. My endocrinologist, when last we met, looked at my lipids and other blood panel results, my controlled blood pressure, my acceptable-with-medication and unchanged Aic (quarterly diabetes cumulative score), listened to me unhappy with a sudden weight gain–my TSH is the best I've ever seen it, and I'm on 137mcg synthroid–feelings of leaden body, unrestful sleep (in spite of how many hours I drift in and out of sleep), and said: I don't understand your physiology. Well, I've always wanted a word with Whoever designed this body…
The leaden-ness did stop after I stopped taking Actos, for glucose control.
[/quote]I am also retired and in my 60's; could these be symptoms of declining youth?[/quote]
While some folk over 70 have felt the need for less sleep, it doesn't necessarily follow that they got as much as they wanted. I may *need* less sleep, but what I get is not restful…and I'm a few years younger than you.
Trust me, you do have our understanding and sympathy!
'yoink15' wrote on '04:I'm a sufferer of chronic pelvic pain that's recently given me a huge flare in symptoms over the last 2-3 months.
As a result, these last couple of weeks I've developed a serious insomnia problem.
The pain AND the insomnia must be driving you bonkers. I can sympathize.
Quote:Then last night I just had the worst night ever…I only slept 90 minutes total, even after taking the ambien.That's about the usual experience I have with any prescribed sleep meds–and then they will never work again.
Quote:I'm exhausted, nauseous, and desperate. I think I've developed anxiety and depression over this insomnia and the constant pain in my pelvis due to chronic pelvic pain.Have you considered getting a scrip for medical marijuana? The nausea, the insomnia, and the pain can often be ameliorated by taking it in some form. Be aware that I don't use the stuff, but I've heard so many people discuss how it's improved their quality of life, that they only need a few puffs rather than all the meds they've previously been treated with, that they can control the dosage they get. You don't even have to smoke it, which would be my problem: can't smoke, and the smell of the smoke makes ME nauseated!
I hope you get a treatment for each, or for all, soon–one that actually works.
'saemr' wrote on '30:I have 10 siblings (yes all from same parents)
I know a 1 of 9 and a 1 of 10, and neither wanted children of their own. The first has reasonably good relations with her family, because the adult relatives were reasonable people; the second has severe problems with more than a couple of her siblings, as their father *encouraged* sibling rivalry. Looked the other way about sibling molestation, too.
Quote:I saved a swan on the highwayOoooh, story! Tell!
Quote:I have always wanted to live by the sea too. Maybe an old lighthouse?If you chose to live by the sea, learn about the storms that come up and how to protect yourself from their affects. Find out if the property is on sandstone or limestone, or some easily erodable substrate before you make an offer!
Me, I like too many plants for my yard that don't work that close to marine influences, so I'll be about a mile inland.
Quote:I visited the Amen Clinic in Reston Va this past summer to see if that could get me some relief from my chronic insomnia, so far, disappointedDo you know if that's the same Amen as runs a clinic in Marin Co., which seems to be centered on AD(H)D?
'1949Molly' wrote on '13:Just relax and your insomnia will go away??? That's the problem – HOW ON EARTH DO anxious, tense and in my case scared people relax?
Were it me in your situation, I'd get me to my counselor/therapist/whathaveyou, to start. I'd try to find things that made me happy, and try to enjoy them–but that requires time one may not have. I find watching moving water–bodies thereof, or rain–very soothing. I release tension I didn't know I had in a garden center or nursery, but as always, YMMV.
Quote:I still can't understand why medical science hasn't found better answers.Anything having to do with brain function is tricky, and often highly individual. We seem to think it's a bad idea to examine brain tissue or conduct some neurological testing while the patient is still alive. Can't imagine why ;-} Between treating treatment-resistant insomnia, major depressive disorders, and other severe neurological disorders along those lines, medical science is a trial&error process. Sometimes it does boil down to If you react this way to this drug, the dx is A. If you don't react that way, either they know it's B, or they keep trying other drugs until there is some response.
Quote:When I hear someone say “I'll feel better after a good nights sleep” I almost start to cry! How long has it been since I got a good nights sleep? When I was a kid. Looking at a sleeping child fills me with such longing to be able to simply SLEEP.I do remember crying because I needed sleep so much! We have a friend who says that sleeping is one of her core competencies. My husband only has problems sleeping when pain or breathing (nasal congestion) interferes. I hate them both.
One symptom of a mania or hypomania is the lessened need or desire for sleep. I used to laugh when I was asked if I was feeling like that, because my insomnia didn't care about my mood state at all: any time I couldn't sleep was annoying and depressing, not signs of an unusually elevated mood!
'wonderhussy' wrote on '12:1. Sleep Tracks — I listen to the Insomnia Buster track at some point in the afternoon or early evening, and it primes my brain for sleep later on.
2. I turn the air conditioner up so that it's pretty cold in my room
3. I have a medical marijuana prescription, and I've found that to be the most effective sleep aid. I don't like smoking (I'm a health nut) so I take 3 drops of tincture (an MJ-alcohol infusion) under the tongue, then I eat a cookie made with cannabutter (this doesn't kick in til later in the night, and keeps me asleep). Then I take a few hits off my vaporizer…between all 3 of these, I drift off nicely!
Don't know if I'll get SleepTracks, but I have my handy iPhone with Bejeweled, as a near equivalent (YMMV).
No A/C in this area is normal, thus we have none. We have shut the heating grate in our room, we have the ceiling fan going most of the year, the windows open (one right above the bed) during the warmer months, and on hot nights the whole-house-fan, which pulls hot air up through the roof, is going until bedtime or the house is chilly enough. If necessary, a few minutes in the unheated-save-by-sun pool will chill you down, or turn the shower on to cold and stand under it until you're chilly, then the bed.
I'm not interested in smoking, either, and the smell of pot smoke makes me very nauseated (go figure!). I think it was in the late 70's I was given some Toklas brownies. I ate half of them, fell asleep for a few hours, woke up, laid on the couch…and there were colors fuzzing about. I think I might have been a little dizzy, but the colors disappeared after 30 minutes, and the next 6 hours I had fuzzbrain. Wasn't keen on that last. I ate the rest at an SCA overnight event. I was rather giggly, didn't see anything interesting, but I sure enjoyed myself with a certain Duke (unless he was King again–too long ago for that level of detail), and then went off to sleep in the tent I was sharing. The experience didn't encourage me to experiment further.
I understand that cannabis these days is much stronger than in those days–I read The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan, which is a botanical history of four different plants: apples, tulips, potatoes and cannabis. Easy read, fascinating details. I had already read a good botanical history of the apple, so nothing new there, and I knew a heck of a lot about the Dutch Tulip Bubble of the 18th C., but the potato and cannabis chapters were eye-openers.
I don't know about the tincture, unless there's some flavoring that keeps it palatable, but I could handle a cookie at bedtime. My asthma is periodic, and it's more like I have an asthmatic cough than regular asthma, so I have no inhaler. When I tried them, they weren't making any difference, so I stopped using any.
Your suggestions are practical, and taking care of several contributors at once is a wonderful thing.
'Nicole' wrote on '05:My psychiatrist mentioned seroquel, but I was reluctant because I was on Abilify, another antipsychotic, for add on treatment for my depression and it made me very withdrawn. But at this point I feel I have no other option than to try the seroquel if I don't sleep again tonight.
Abilify replaced my son's seroquel regimen. He did get good sleep with seroquel, and swore he couldn't sleep without it. However, seroquel did ramp up his appetite, and he gained a lot of weight and tipped into diabetes II. I didn't see any change in his social behavior, though–aren't side effects wonderful?
Topomax, another multi-talented drug, gave me the first restful sleep I'd had in over 20 years. It's also used as a migraine preventative, in some drunk driver programs, and one other use I've forgotten. Side effects for me were: inability to concentrate or use ultra-short term memory even more than my usual, anything carbonated tasted foul, and major problems with getting the right word into my mouth from my brain. It IS weight-negative, and I did lose weight ONLY while I was on it. Stopped working for me after two years, for no apparent reason.
I'm one of those for whom absolutely no sleep med of any kind works. I certainly understand your frustration with the ones you have taken ceasing to function after a short period, and the brain-numbing tiredness.
Quote:I am also going to see a sleep specialist next week. I am hoping there is something physically wrong with me like sleep apnea that is causing my insomnia, but I know that is probably not the case. Pretty sad that I'm hoping for sleep apnea huh?There are many other issues besides pulmonary which cause insomnia, and can be treated. If your sleep specialist is a pulmonologist with no other speciality, the Dr. may not look any further, which I hope is not the case for you, as it was for me. This was mostly because, by the time I got the test scheduled, I was out of my intense insomnia phase, and onto a milder one.
Good luck with your appointment, and may the Dr. actually LISTEN.
