[Milko]

Maybe I just need (at this moment) things to hold to. Although I rationally understand that I can’t control sleep, thoughts and feelings, I find it reassuring to “do” things that will promote sleep (according to sleep science). That’s why I hold on to less time in bed and getting out of bed when sleep doesn’t come. It makes it easier for me also to do the practice of working with those difficult emotions and thoughts, as I learn in the course.
A night without sleep still hurts me. I can’t say that I don’t care anymore, because I do care. I try to do as much as I can in the day after a night without sleep (like last night). But I feel still feel sad and anxious. That is what I meant when I wrote that I was searching some confidence.
In difficult nights I am not angry anymore. I see that as a great step forward.

[Milko]

Thanks for your reaction, Martin. I do think I understand the subtle difference between ” doing” and “practicing”.
For me stimulis control means getting out of bed when I can’t sleep. Going to the living room and sit there for a while. After some time, I go back to bed. Most often I am not sleepy when I go back, but certainly less frustrated.
Sleep restriction “worked” in having deeper nights of sleep and finding back my confidence in sleeping a little bit. So for me the aaceptance part is by far the most difficult. Because it is something I have to practice ” in the heat of the battle” ( so to speak).

[Milko]

Thank you Martin! You’re absolutely right in saving that full acceptance is key. However you can’t ” do” acceptance, right?
So I continue in making the stage for sleep to happen. By sleep restriction and stimulus control. It gives me a sense of fulfilment that I did what I could and makes it easier for me to gives things over.
Do you think this a workable way?

[Milko]

Martin, you ask me the right question. I am still searching for the right way to respond in those heavy nights. The next day I did go to work but it was not pleasant at all. It still feels as if I am not myself after a night without sleep.
But I get a little support from the AWAKE practice already. Especially at the beginning of a sleepless night. So maybe it’s a long way for me. For me the behaviour part is something important. I can say to myself: I did everything I could to set the stage for sleep. Now it’s out of my hands.

[Milko]

Thanks Jenna. I do recognize everything you said. I experience the behaviour matters of the course much easier than the exercises to deal with anxiety and negatice thoughts. But Martin said that it takes practice. So I will do that.

[Milko]

Dear Scott,

I like to share some of my recent experiences with you. I hope you have some time to reflect on it.
Although I was very anxious to go on holiday, it turned out very positive for the first week. I kept my sleep window ( 6 hours) and went out of bed every day at the same time. For 5 days in a row I slept continously for 5 hours or more! It was so delicious.
Then, at the last night, sleep didn’t come and stayed away. Last night, the same. I feel really tired and miserable again. I wonder what happened then? I did exactly the same things as with the good nights. I search an explanation ( if there is any) so I can keep my faith in what I am doing. Can you say some general things about my experiences?
Thank you so much.

[Milko]

Scott,

I am so grateful for your answers. It means a lot when you are in a tough period.
I try everything I can to prevend napping on the day. But with 1 or two hours of sleep it simply ” happens” with me. Especially in a situation where I sit still.
I try to welcome negative thoughts and feelings. I succeed pretty well on that. More difficult are the physical sensations ( tension, anxiety). As Martin and you advised; I try to make room for them too.
Every day I emphasise some things I am doing well. I said to myself: good that you went on holliday with your family and do have to sleep in strange beds. And alsso good that you get up on the same time, no matter what.
As you wrote I need a lot of patience which I don’t longer have.

[Milko]

Hi Scott,

Thank you so much for answering. I wonder how anyone can go on living his life with barely no sleep? Maybe I am not strong enough, but today we traveled to France and I almost didn’t succeed in keeping my eyes open.
I napped two times in the car….
In the night I get out of bed when I absolutely feel no sleepiness. Or when I get frustrated. I make a commitment in avance of every night. But I really hope to experience something positive soon. It would help stopping the anxiety
Again, thank you so much for answering. It’s so important for me.

[Milko]

I find some things very difficult. I feel drowsy some hours before my sleep window starts. Of course there would be a bigger chance for sleep when there is drownsiness. When my sleep window finally starts, most of the tim there is no feeling of drowsiness. So I wait, but too often there doesn’t seem to change that much.
Do I have to wait half of my sleep window on feeling drowsy? Or is it better to us the ‘sleep wave’ earlier in the evening?
Waiting on feeling drowsy brings some tension for me, also.
Chee, you did say that I should not care much about the quantity of sleep. I think your right, but I also need some faith. Last weeks (as I started the techniques) I had much less sleep. Is that a normal experience?

[Milko]

Last night, I put out the welcome mat for sleep. There was enough sleep drive, I felt relaxed and drowsy. But in bed it changed. I didn’t fall asleep quickly, so I went out of bed. I went sitting on a chair and do nothing for a while. This cycle repeated until 04.00 in the morning. Because I saw no way out, I took mirtazapine and after that I slept until 08.30 ( my sleeping window was limited to 06.00). Of course it was a pleasure to have some sleep at least, but on the other hand I don’t feel good about it. After this night, does the CBT-I program starts at zero again?

Thanks for answering ?

[Milko]

Hi Chee2308,

Thank you for answering all my questions. I’m not sure I understand your answers completely, but nevertheless they support me!
Is there any evidence-based information on ‘when’ to extend your sleep window? After a week, two weeks or….
I couldn’t find reliable information on that topic.

Thanks for your help!

[Milko]

Thanks. You’re right. I am in the ‘doing”- mode and that doesn’t help much. On the other hand I find it very tough and hard to put myself in an ‘accepting’-mode. On days like this one I simply feel so bad that I can’t stop myself thinking about solutions. Sleep restriction an stimulus control give me some confidence. At least I can ‘do’ something.

[Author]

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