[Noelle]

Hi, Miriam.
I struggled with this for 5 years. I tried CBD oil, melatonin, valerian tea, valerian tablets, sleep medications, eye masks and so many other things. I was afraid of wakefulness, and I always felt scared of night time because I knew I was going to be awake and unable to sleep. I know exactly how you feel.

I found this forum and Martin’s podcast last year. These things changed my entire perspective on sleep. When my perspective changed, my insomnia went away. I have been insomnia-free for nearly one year now. I still have anxiety sometimes about sleep, especially when I have to travel, but that terrible fear that I used to feel is now gone.

No, you’re not alone at all. This forum also helped me to feel less alone and less broken. I am certain that you can overcome many of your sleep problems. It starts with changing the way that you think about sleep. I don’t know why it took me 5 years of suffering through insomnia to understand that my thinking patterns were the problem. But I am glad that I understand now.

All the best,
Your neighbour (in Deutschland) – Noelle

[Noelle]

Thank you for your reply, Scott.

I must admit I’ve only had two sessions of CBTI. I started in mid-February and can only afford to have them every other week since my insurance doesn’t cover it. The psychologist isn’t recommending sleep restriction with me at this point, but we have discussed it. I am leaning closer and closer to this, even though I know it is taxing.

As for consistent waking times, I feel this is out of my control. I can be consistent with what time I get up, but not with what time I wake up. Sometimes it 2:30am and sometimes it’s 5:30am. I do realise the sleep restriction is designed to deal with that inconsistency though, so this may be the missing part of my process right now.

Thank you for reminding me that relapses are part of the process too. I hadn’t really given that much thought. Part of this issue with me is very external- I’m in a foreign country and have been quite isolated since I moved here, and now there is a war going on very close by, and we are getting large numbers of refugees (women and children) in my city. I am an anti-human trafficking activist in the States, and I obsess over this underrepresented reality in the refugee crisis. I am also on the autism spectrum (very late diagnosed), which I’m told can cause severe anxiety in women over issues related to injustice. I can trace the 8-day relapse back to the first time I saw footage of refugees arriving at the Polish and Moldovan borders, and I realised that many of them were going to be trafficked all over Europe.

The CBT is as much about helping me deal with these obsessive thoughts as it is about trying to deal with the sleep disorder. That said, I think you are absolutely right about the discipline required in being consistent with strategies like sleep restriction. I believe I am going to begin doing this myself, even if the therapist hasn’t recommended it yet.

Thanks again!
N

[Noelle]

Thanks for the quick reply, Carole. We are very much in the same place.

I have also given up pills (I thankfully only ever used OTC tablets), and I do not nap during the day. I think all that remains is to set a wake time and stick to it no matter what. I will have a look at the sources you suggested as well.

Thank you again.

In solidarity,
N

[Noelle]

I was just having this conversation with a friend yesterday. I’ve had insomnia for five years, and it is ruining my life too. I have a (temporary) job that I love and a living situation that I want to enjoy and make the most of. I am constantly aware of how privileged and fortunate I am. But I cannot think very much about that because my insomnia is destroying my sense of self-determination and making me feel like I’m a spectator in my own life. The helplessness is so overwhelming.

I have just started CBTI with a clinical psychologist, and I believe in the therapy and trust that it will help me to some degree. But that fear of insomnia might never go away, now that the condition has become chronic, and I cannot tolerate the feeling of helplessness.

[Noelle]

I am in the same boat right now. I’ve just joined the forum and created my own post, asking for insight on CBTI from experienced patients/clients, but when I read your post, I immediately wanted to respond.

Do you know if there is anything during the day that can distract you from the anxiety? For me, it’s feeling like I’m able to still be somewhat productive. I’m a doctoral candidate in Germany (I’m from California), and I have a very unstructured schedule that I have to figure out how to work with. I had the sleep anxiety years before I became a doctoral student, but it has gotten so much worse here since I started my program. I think procrastination plays a big role in this for people in my situation.

Anyway, when you mentioned feeling sleep anxiety from the moment you get out of bed, it really resonated. What do you do during the day to cope with those feelings? I ask because I also want to find a way to overcome this.

In solidarity,
Noelle

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