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Hi Everybody,
These last few nights have been a little challenging for me. I’ve been having some fear of the insomnia coming back. So I’ve been getting to sleep later than usual and waking up not well rested. Last night I realized that I just need to accept my fear, that it is normal to have this fear. I’ve probably pushed it away so far during my honeymoon period of about 7 weeks. So I figure if I just accept the fear and not give it too much attention, it will go away eventually on its own. This attitude has worked well for me in the past with other issues that I’ve struggled with. For instance, my go to for comfort when I’m anxious has always been food. In the past I used to worry that I was going to become a total blimp when I would eat too much or in unhealthy ways. So then I would force myself to stop. But this only made things worse and I’d binge again. Finally I just accepted that it’s ok to indulge myself when I’m feeling anxious. Then the desire to eat the junk food would always go away eventually on its own. When I stopped worrying, my body seemed to regulate itself and as a result, I’ve never been overweight. So my body took over once my mind got out of the way.
Steve – in Guy’s book on page 124 under “Sleep Fact” he talks about how challenging our thoughts may not be helpful. For instance, trying to be positive when maybe we’re not really sure if we believe it. Anyway, it might be better to just accept whatever happens instead of trying to stay positive, only to be disappointed. The point is to help our mind get out of the way of our body, which will put us to asleep if we only let it. I found that acceptance was the best way to get my mind out of the way.
Padron – that sounds like very good advice.
Pam – The first time I did ACT in March I had them for about a month. The second time I did ACT, over a period of two weeks I had light sleep along with no sleep or little sleep nights. Then I recovered completely.
Hi Padron – I used the welcoming tool for negative thoughts, emotions or sensations. For example, when I would get fearful, I would feel my stomach tense up on the left side. I imagined that sensation as a round, red, furry ball of a creature that I named Worry Wart. He was all tensed up and worried all the time. When I created some space between him and myself in this way, then when I looked at him I felt sorry for the poor creature. Soon, he would dissolve and disappear. Others here have done similar things, naming their thoughts, feeling sorry or compassion for them, or feeling a sense of humor towards them instead of taking them so seriously.
Any other examples for Padron from the rest of you?
Hi Padron – sounds like you’ve got it. I know that when Borgesbi first started practicing it took her a couple hours the first time to calm the negative thoughts. Then it took a half hour the next time and after that just a few minutes. You may want to look up her post where she describes it. So it does take some time to get the hang of “welcoming” and letting go. Since your mind is go, go, go it sounds like this is exactly what you need to learn to calm yourself down. The goal is to get to the place of quiet acceptance instead of struggling with your thoughts where it will be easier then to fall back asleep.
Sorry you’ve had a bad week, Gsdmom. As I’ve shared before, at about the 5th or 6th week of doing CBT I had a relapse. It was so discouraging. But Martin told me to just keep going and that I would get back on track, which is exactly what happened. So if you can, try not to let it get to you because as you know, anxiety about it only makes things worse. I realize that this is easier said than done, but just try to hang in there and do what’s been working for you so far. We’re cheering for you!
Glad you’re doing better, Featherly/Ellen! Sounds like you’re sleeping better and learning to let things go. That should help you fall back asleep.
Padron – welcome to the ACT thread. That’s great that you’re planning to have a video conference. I would recommend reading the book first if you can. And also beginning to practice the tools from the book. Then you won’t be asking questions that are already answered in the book and can ask questions based on what you’re experiencing while practicing ACT. The book will also answer your question about what to do with those negative thoughts when you wake up early. Basically do as Featherly above is doing. The book will explain it in more detail.
Sounds like everyone is making progress, doing what they feel works best for them. That’s great! I’m doing well too, into my sixth week of being a normal sleeper.
How’s some of the rest of you that we haven’t heard from in a little while – Nik Burn, Ellen/Featherly, Suren, Karen, Mac & Delv?
Pam – I think for most people, recovery is not a straight line up. Instead it’s ups and downs with gradual improvement over time. I remember how when I was doing CBT, I had 4 good weeks and then around the 5th week I had a bad week. I felt discouraged but was encouraged by Martin to keep going. Things improved again.
Yes, going to sleep is the very opposite of controlling! You have to let go. That was another thing that made me not too crazy about CBT. You had to control everything like how sleepy you are when you go to bed, when you get up and go to bed, what you can and cannot do in bed, etc. So when you don’t do everything perfectly, you worry about it – just another thing to be anxious about. I felt very liberated when I let go of all of these rules.
Daf – I did a whole 8-week mindfulness course based on Jon Kabat Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program back in the spring, hoping it would help with the insomnia. Yes, his stuff is very good!
Borgesbi – I also wondered if sleep onset was easier to heal. That would be a good question for the sleep doctor. Sleep onset involves your conscious control of what you’re doing with your mind – accepting or struggling, etc. But when you wake up in the middle of the night – that’s completely unconscious – you can’t control when you wake up. So maybe it’s more deeply ingrained. (Also just my theory.) I always thought that SC was also probably a lot harder for those with sleep maintenance. The thought of getting up after already having slept a few hours sounded really difficult.
I’m forever grateful to Daf, who first mentioned ACT. I never would have known about it otherwise. And of course to Martin, for letting us discuss this here.
Glad you’re doing well, Borgesbi. I also have awakenings in the early morning but then fall back asleep. I think it’s the remnants of the insomnia, but I have no fear or anxiety about it and I always seem to get enough sleep.
I feel a little sorry that it’s taking longer for all you to heal than it did for me. I really don’t know why it was so quick for me, except maybe because my life is so anxiety/stress free for the most part these days. It wasn’t always like this for sure. It’s one of the benefits of getting older and life getting simpler.
Delv – I started and stopped ACT several times in June and July, reverting back to sleeping pills (Ambien) when I stopped. I would start, have a bad night of no sleep, then maybe a couple hours of sleep the next night, then maybe light sleep the next. Then by the third or fourth night I would get frustrated and take an Ambien. I was afraid that it was going to be so hard and that I would have a bunch of sleepless or little sleep nights so I kept going back to the pills. As a result, the pattern kept repeating itself and I continued to have a bunch of bad nights between the Ambien nights (they weren’t so great either.)
Finally I decided to stick with it and made a pledge to myself that I wouldn’t take a pill for two weeks. I knew that by taking a sleeping pill I was training myself to be dependent on pills instead of learning to sleep naturally. When I finally stuck with it, I had the same pattern for the first week or so of not so great sleep (but not too bad and could function fine the next day.) Then it started improving. I was falling asleep more quickly and over time the sleep became deeper as well. So you have to have patience with this method and not rely on pills, because it will only sabotage your healing.
