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Then again, since you’ve got 2 months of solid sleep behind you, maybe this won’t happen to you. (Don’t want to put any expectations/worries/fears in your mind of what might happen.) Most importantly, just accept whatever happens.
Delv – Don’t be surprised if you get some nights of light sleep when you first start practicing this. That’s what happened to me. It’s just part of the process and they will go away.
Yes, stop struggling and give up. That’s the essence of it. If you can get to that point, then you will fall asleep eventually. I did ACT the first time in March but then gave up when I got confused and discouraged. But at least during that time I learned how to use the tools. This time when I did it in July, I didn’t really need to use any of the tools except acceptance of whatever happened on a nightly basis. That’s what cured me. If I ever got overwhelmed with anxiety, I would get up, write in my journal and then I would recognize that I was struggling. I “caught myself in the act” of struggling, would smile, and then relax and give up the struggle, accepting whatever happens. You’ve come a long way, Delv, in your recovery. I’m sure you’ll be able to do this with no problem.
Lately I’ve been realizing how powerful is the physical instinct to sleep. I don’t go to bed sleepy all the time, but at my usual bedtime when I’m tired enough. In bed I may think about something for a little while but then before I know it, I’m fast asleep. The problem is when the mind gets in the way of this physical response through worrying and any kind of mental effort. That’s why acceptance is so important. When you stop thinking and worrying and do nothing, then the body takes over and you fall asleep.
Don’t know about the exercise. Lots of people do it in the evening and sleep fine, like my brother and sister-in-law. I don’t know what kind of exercise they do though.
In one of Borgesbi’s posts she explains how she used the tools to calm down her anxiety before going to bed. The first time it took her 2 hours, the next night I think a half hour and then only a few minutes after that. Since you’re experiencing anxiety even before going to bed, you may want to practice beforehand like she did.
Yes, you learn to accept the sleeplessness. For myself, if I was too worked up, I would get up and calm myself and get myself back to the place of acceptance and then go back to bed. The other tools will help calm the anxiety so that you can get back to that place.
Hi Delv – So good to hear from you! I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. I’m glad that you’ve had a couple good months. Sorry for the bad night, but I think if you can let it go and not worry about it, you’ll get right back on track.
I don’t know if you’ve been following this thread or not but the people on this thread have switched to ACT. In May and June I had done another round of CBT only to get frustrated again with 2 bad nights out of every week. So I decided to give ACT another try, this time with the help of Dr. Kat from Guy Meadows’ clinic. After several stops and starts and using sleeping pills when I would give up, I finally stuck with it and was cured of insomnia within 2 weeks. I am now insomnia free for 4 weeks. Because of my success, others decided to give it a try as well and are getting better.
You may want to read over the posts to see how others are practicing the ACT tools to calm themselves. ACT deals directly with anxiety and learning how to relax and get back to the state where sleep just comes naturally. It sounds like you’ve been experiencing this for a couple months, but there’s still some anxiety underneath the surface. I think these tools for calming anxiety would be helpful to you. With ACT there really aren’t the rules like only using the bed for sleep, only going to bed when sleepy, etc. The emphasis is on learning to relax and not worrying about these types of things. Then we fall asleep naturally, just like we did before the insomnia. We’re all supporting each other here so please ask any questions you may have and everyone is very willing to chime in and help.
Of course it wasn’t just luck. I learned how to practice ACT back in March when I did it the first time. So the second time around I barely had to use any of the tools except to “press the acceptance button.”
I did maintain a hopeful attitude that ACT would work in the long run. I gave myself 2 weeks to try it out, to tell you the truth. If I didn’t see any results within that time I was going to go back to CBT. Of course in my case I saw BIG results. But the most important thing is to notice ANY improvement, not just big changes. I just got lucky and was cured within that time.
LOL! I thought maybe you were euphoric from “seeing” yourself laying there relaxed!
Yay! that the naps are putting you to sleep!
Good. That’s what happened to me too – I got surprising enough sleep most of the days even though it was light or just a couple hours in the early mornings. What’s sight euphoria?
Nik – one thought regarding paradoxical intention. I hope you now don’t go and “try to not go to sleep” intentionally. That won’t work. Just accept what is and relax. By the way, have you tried taking some 20-30 minute “rests” and if so, is that giving you a idea of what complete relaxation feels like?
In my email I also cc’d Dr. Kat and a person who I thought was their marketing person. I told them how I had heard about others (here) who had tried ACT before but had given up and that they are losing all these people because of lack of support. People get inspired when they read the book, but then when they practice it they get confused like I did and give up. It’s a lot more “tricky” than CBT and so the day to day support is really needed.
I want to thank Martin as well for letting us share here. Thanks for changing the name of the thread as well. I worked with Martin twice and both times he gave wonderful help. Also, when I decided to try ACT again, it was because I had the safety net of knowing I could always come back to CBT if I needed to, that helped me to go out on the limb again with ACT. I actually wrote Dr. Guy an email suggesting he start a forum on his website. I said how I was frustrated with the lack of support for ACT through his organization. Talking to a therapist every 2 or 3 weeks was just not enough! (And expensive!) Just like we talk to each other here every day to get support, ideally we could do this through his website. That day to day support, like Martin gives to his clients, is what is really needed for ACT.
Daf – It’s so good to hear from you and to know that you’re much better! Congratulations on 12 weeks of good sleep! It sounds like you also learned to accept your insomnia and let go of obsessing about how to fix it.
Nik – I re-read your post and realized that probably what I said wasn’t very helpful, because you understand the importance of accepting but you’re wondering HOW to accept. I’ll try to explain what accepting means to me, but maybe it’s different for others. For myself it involved taking a big leap of faith to completely accept my sleeplessness. I felt like I jumped off a cliff when I first started ACT. That’s why I said my spirituality helped me. I’ve taken these leaps before and they are not easy. But because I saw positive results after taking them – maybe not immediately, but eventually – I could do it again with the insomnia. It’s like you have to die to your own desires – completely surrender your desire to sleep. You have to say to yourself that you’re completely willing to not sleep this night and the next and the next and the next. You have to completely give up your attachment to sleep night by night.
Here’s an example from my own life. I moved to Huntsville, AL 30 years ago. I absolutely hated it! I wanted desperately to move back to Maryland where I had family, friends and a spiritual community. I struggled here for a long, long time, having a hard time making friends or feeling any sense of community or belonging. But my husband was not willing to move back to MD. So eventually I accepted it and gave up my attachment to being near friends or family. Over time I did make new friends and finally found a sense of community here. Also I have had wonderful opportunities here that I would not have had in Maryland. So now I am finally happy and content with being here. But it took a big leap of faith to give up my attachment to MD and to try to have faith that something positive would happen as a result.
So acceptance means sacrificing what we’re attached to, with the faith that things will work out in the long run. It’s letting go, giving up, completely surrendering. It’s a change in ATTITUDE and not any “technique.” It’s scary to take that leap of faith, but sometimes life requires this of us.
Anyone else want to chime in on what “acceptance” means to you?
