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One other thing, Steve. I did SR/SC for two months in Jan and Feb with Martin. Then I tried ACT for a month or more in March before giving up. I started SR/SC again later in April and contacted Martin for help again. He told me that SR/SC would probably come easier for me the second time around, since I already had all that previous experience. That turned out to be true. So this time when I tried ACT again, I told myself that I could always go back to SR/SC if ACT didn’t go well again. So I had a safety net this time, knowing that SR/SC was there for me if ACT didn’t work. That made it easier for me to go all out and give up SR & SC completely. Anyway, should you decide to jump into ACT at some point with both feet in, know that you can always go back to SR/SC and you won’t lose everything you gained from your hard work these last few months.
Hi Nik, according to the sleep doctor, research has been done comparing the brains of “normals” with those with insomnia. For those with insomnia, the amygdala, which controls the fight or flight response in the brain, is much more active. Therefore, for those with insomnia, the periods of light sleep are longer than in “normals” because the brain is on alert, ready to detect any danger in the environment even when we’re sleeping.
When I first tried ACT back in March I had a lot of nights with light sleep all night long, with me waking up tired. It was very frustrating and I worried about it, thinking I was doing something wrong. I also thought that maybe I needed to start doing SR again, but this only complicated things. I think my worry about the light sleep and what to do about it fed my brain with more anxiety, and as a result, the light sleep continued. So this time when I did ACT, I knew from talking with the sleep doctor that light sleep was normal, so I relaxed and accepted it as part of the process, knowing that even though consciously I was relaxed, it would take time for the unconscious part of me to relax. As a result of this overall relaxation, my sleep started to deepen soon afterwards and now I’m sleeping like a “normal.” Hallelujah!
Borgesbi – the chapter on “Welcoming” will help you with your anxiety. It gives techniques on disarming it and losing it’s power over you.
When I was doing SR, my sleep was very good and deep. That’s why I thought that maybe I needed to combine SR with ACT. When I asked the sleep doctor about this she wasn’t quite sure why the sleep was deeper with SR, but she thought that maybe the build up of sleep pressure overrode everything, pushing the brain into deep sleep. This makes sense to me. Anyway for myself, I didn’t want to have to do SR in order to have deep sleep. I wanted to get back to being completely normal, even if it meant enduring light sleep for awhile. As it turned out, when I completely relaxed about everything, including the light sleep, the light sleep started deepening soon afterwards and now I’m sleeping normally.
You’ll get there, Steve. Just do whatever helps you to relax the most. That’s why I encouraged giving up the strict sleep window. For myself, it helped me relax. Like I said earlier, in this program sleep comes about from learning how to relax again and not worry. Like Ron, I questioned the quality of my sleep a lot and whether it was related to doing SR correctly or something else I might be doing wrong. But once I began to relax, then the quality of my sleep took care of itself and went back to normal. I didn’t have to do anything about it. The hyper alert brain which was waking me up and making my sleep go all over the place, finally settled down.
Have a great day!
I have been using a sleep journal all along, for months now. But I may stop it soon because I’m sleeping normally so my entries are all looking the same.
After I ground myself then I just relax and don’t think about anything in particular – just random thoughts like I used to before the insomnia. So my mind is wandering, which is normal. If it were go to negative thoughts then I would use the tools to let go of those. I think that when you begin to experience what it feels like to “let go” and be in that place of “acceptance” it will start to get easier to get to that state of mind again. Just accept whatever happens – that you may not sleep much tonight, but oh well. Or, I may be tired tomorrow, but oh well, I can deal with it again like I have been doing. Accept and then let go of any effort. I think Ron is getting the hang of acceptance. Read what he read earlier. He can probably help you with this too.
Glad you’re not worrying, so this may work fine for you. One thing – just use mindfulness for a few minutes to ground yourself when needed and to help you get back to the relaxed state of acceptance. Don’t do focused mindfulness exercises for a longer period of time in bed because it will just keep you awake. The more focused exercises are to be done during the daytime to help make it easier to use mindfulness when you need it at night. I asked Dr. Kat about this and this is what she told me.
Steve – There’s a part of me that wonders if ACT will work together well with SR. The whole focus of ACT is learning to relax about sleep. But if part of you is still worrying about the sleep window and also about not getting enough sleep since your sleep time is so short with SR, that it will be harder to relax.
I went to bed when I was tired (but not exhausted) and when I was having the light sleep, I gave myself extra time to sleep in so that I wasn’t a zombie the next day. So sometimes I was sleeping 9 to 9.5 hours or more, even though it was light sleep. Now I’m starting to wake up earlier because my sleep is getting better. This is closer to my normal wake up time. So my whole attitude about sleep is a lot more relaxed than when doing SR.
Just my two cents.
Sounds good, Gsdmom. I didn’t like the idea of always having to wait until I’m completely drooping before going to bed! Now I go to bed just like I used to. Happy to help out by sharing my experience. The book will help you the most though.
I meant Ron. Yes, that’s true what you say about challenging your thoughts. I said the same thing to myself about the next day, so I’ve used that method as well. Like you said, there’s good in both methods. It’s best to use whatever works for you.
Ron – you may want to read the 2nd and 3rd chapters chapters on “Acceptance” and “Welcoming” from the Sleep Book. It provides a gentler approach to dealing with our fears and thoughts rather than confronting them, which may only push them away temporarily. With these techniques the fearful thoughts, feelings and sensations lose their power and we no longer fear having them.
I know it’s scary to jump in with both feet. I tried to start ACT over 7 weeks ago but had many stops and starts. But once I finally and fully committed, I starting seeing results. I realize that it may look as though I just happen to be lucky because its happening so quickly for me, but I practiced this for a month back in March and started getting the hang of it back then. But at the time I kept worrying about the light sleep and then got derailed. This time when I finally jumped in I knew that light sleep was normal and didn’t worry about it. Also it was easier to get to that place of “acceptance” because I knew how it “felt” from my earlier practice. The sleep doctor has told me that that’s the hardest thing for people – getting to the place of acceptance.
I think that for some people, SR & SC doesn’t work so well because maybe they tend to be more anxious than others. This might be you, Steve. In this case I think it’s better to deal directly with the anxiety, which is what ACT does. For some people, worrying about their sleep window and doing SC just becomes another source of stress and anxiety. In that case it’s better to give them all up and instead relearn how to relax in bed. Then sleep will come naturally because the mind is no longer getting in the way. The body knows how to do this and has been doing this all of our lives. We just have to remember how to let go and then the body will take over.
Hi Steve – if you try to go ACT all out, you won’t have to worry about your sleep window. With ACT, sleep is not brought on by increasing the sleep drive but by relaxation and relearning/remembering how to “let go.” Think of the times you sat through a boring lecture and fell asleep. You weren’t tired, but just got so relaxed that you fell asleep. I go to bed and get up at the same times I used to before the insomnia and my sleep is getting better and better.
Dr. Guy says he doesn’t even talk about when to sleep until later on in the book because most important is changing our attitude and relationship with sleep. Later, the sleep time can be adjusted if needed. Yes, you will have more energy the next day if you stay in bed and also when you stop struggling and worrying about sleeping and just accept whatever happens and “rest” in bed. When you wake up in the middle of the night, just accept and tell yourself “I’m resting.” Over time your brain will settle down and it will be easier to fall back asleep. It takes patience, but it will work.
Meditation and mindfulness are related. When meditating, you realize how our thoughts have a mind of their own. As you try to stay in the present moment by focusing on something like your breath, you see how your thoughts keep going off in different directions. Then you gently try to pull them back and focus again on your breath and the present moment. With mindfulness, you become aware of your thoughts and feelings that also can be all over the place and are making it hard for you to relax. So then you center yourself by focusing on something in the present moment, like the softness of your sheets. I focus on the sounds of crickets or the fan. This soothes me and then I can relax again and be at peace in the present moment.
Yes, that’s the book. It should work for your type of insomnia as well. With either type of insomnia, the problem is that even if consciously we think we are relaxed, the brain is still on high alert when we’re asleep. So that’s why we wake up and then can’t fall back asleep. In my case, that’s why I would have light sleep all night. Now my sleep is beginning to deepen and I’m waking up more refreshed.
So for you, the thing is to learn to relax and accept whatever happens when you wake up in the night. If you can do this then over time your brain will finally begin to settle down and know that the bed is safe. Then you should start falling back asleep more quickly and eventually not be waking up in the middle of the night either. But you’ll have to be very patient because it may take awhile. I had to make the commitment to myself to accept whatever sleepless nights and tired days I may have in the beginning, even if it was a couple weeks. But it actually turned out to be only a few nights and then I began to see improvement.
Hi Steve – the thing is to learn to relax and accept whatever happens. But sometimes it’s hard to get to that place, especially in the beginning. That’s what the “mindfulness” and “welcoming” tools are there for. You need to learn first of all how to recognize what you’re thinking and feeling, and whether or not you’re struggling with trying to go to sleep. Because if you are struggling, you won’t fall asleep. Once you stop “trying” to sleep or worrying about sleep and get to the point of accepting whatever happens, then the conditions will be there to fall asleep naturally. I know that this is true, because it’s worked for me. These tools help create some space between the thoughts and feelings and you, instead of you being wrapped up in the thoughts. Then it’s easier to let them go.
If I just can’t relax my mind no matter how much I try using the tools, then I get up and write in my journal for awhile. This also creates some space between thoughts and feelings and myself. When my mind is finally relaxed, then I go back to bed and accept whatever happens. I tell myself that I’m going to bed to “rest” instead of to “sleep” so that there are no expectations.
If you want to try this method, I strongly encourage you to read The Sleep Book, especially the second and third chapters on Accepting and Welcoming. It clearly explains the concepts and the tools. Also I suggest practicing mindfulness during the daytime when it’s easier. Once you get the hang of it, it will be easier to put into practice in the night. The book gives several mindfulness practices, which only take minutes.
I think I averaged 6 to 6.5 hours per night. Regarding levels of anxiety that you asked about earlier, just like the second time I did CBT-I it was easier to jump back into it and start getting results, it’s been easier this time getting back into ACT. The first time I had a lot more anxiety so I had to use the “mindfulness” and “welcoming” tools more often to calm myself down and get to a place of “acceptance.” This time I’ve hardly needed to use the tools at all because I’m able to get myself into the acceptance state of mind more quickly.
