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Hi Everyone,
I’ve changed my tactic. Last week after giving up my nightcap I had 4 bad nights in a row, which did not surprise me at all. I’d been running away from the fear of a bad night for weeks by using the nightcap. So the bad nights caught up with me when I stopped that. Well I got sick and tired of being afraid and decided to use the Guy Meadows’ method of facing those fears in bed. Not surprisingly, the first night I was awake all night, which he says is likely to happen for the first few nights because you’re directly facing your fears for the first time. The last three nights since then I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept through the night every night.
So I don’t know yet if the method is working or not, but all I know is that I’m tired of the fear. I’m also tired of doing everything perfectly and watching exactly when I go to sleep and get up. Instead, I’m back to going to bed together with my husband between 10:30 and 11:00 and waking up the same time with him about 6:30 or 7:00. I’m acting like a normal sleeper. And I’m determined to deal with the fears when they show up.
Guy Meadows says that if you face your fears directly then eventually they will lose their power and you will find yourself being more and more relaxed and comfortable with being in bed. As a result, you’ll naturally fall asleep more easily.
In Guy Meadows’ book he gives case histories of people using this method. One guy had insomnia for a year. When he first started this method he had a few sleepless nights. After about two weeks he found that he was much more relaxed in bed because he was no longer struggling with sleeping, even though he still wasn’t getting that much sleep. By two months he was sleeping like a normal person again. I found this story very encouraging.
Yes things improved very quickly for me from the beginning. For the first 4 weeks, 5 out of 7 days I fell asleep right away for the most part. But I always felt uncomfortable about the other 2 days, like I was just barely escaping the sleep demons the other 5 days. When I didn’t fall asleep right away, I could be up for hours. So I started using alcohol like sleeping pills to help me fall asleep right away. Now I’m trying to get away from that and the last 3 days I’ve been up quite a bit.
I’ve had my ups and downs as far as confidence goes. I hope this latest spell doesn’t take away my confidence.
Daf – Yes, now that I’m sleeping less, I’m realizing that the 8 to 9 hours I was sleeping before the insomnia was more than I needed. Now that I’ve been going with less sleep I’m thinking that I probably need closer to 7.5 hours.
Just curious, Daf, how many hours were you sleeping before your insomnia started?
Yeah, I got tired of the headaches from the alcohol and know that my sleep wasn’t as refreshing as it could be. But even more importantly for me, I got tired of the fear.
Like you, Delv, I’m feeling more confident that I can sleep well, but just need to get past this hump.
Yes, I know it’s bad. I was just so desperate to fall asleep right away. I knew though eventually I would have to face things without it. So here I am.
Sounds like a good place to begin, Delv, to cut back a half hour. Let’s hope things get better.
Just curious, Delv. You say that your sleep window is 7 hours, but you’re averaging 5.5 to 6 hours. So is that 1 to 1.5 hours of wakefulness on the front end? You said earlier that you’re staying asleep better.
I don’t have trouble staying asleep once I fall asleep, but lately have been having trouble falling asleep. Is that the same for you?
I does sound like you’re doing better, Delv. 5.5 to 6 hours isn’t too bad. It seems before there were more 3 and 4 hour nights. Also, that’s great that you’re staying asleep too. That will give you more hours of sleep. So it sounds like you’re going in the right direction.
Yes if only we could only stop caring so much about sleep and magically we were sleeping like the old days!
Check out these books:
The Effortless Sleep Method by Sasha Stephens
The Sleep Book by Guy Meadows
These guys know how to cure insomnia although their methods are a little different. So does Martin Reed, the founder of this website. I had terrible, severe insomnia and now am sleeping 7 hours each night because of his help. Guy Meadows will help you learn how to apply mindfulness specifically to insomnia.
Pills are not the answer. You did not need pills before you had insomnia and you do not need pills now to get over this condition. The problem is psychological, therefore the solution is also psychological and is not in your physiology. That’s why pills don’t help. There’s nothing wrong with your brain chemistry so you don’t need a drug. The answer is in getting the right kind of therapy specifically for insomnia – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). Find a therapist in your local area who specializes in CBT-I or hire Martin Reed, the founder of this website. He helped me tremendously and I am now sleeping 7 hours a night. Also, read Sasha Stephen’s book, The Effortless Sleep Method.
You need help and pills are not the answer. You did not need pills before you had insomnia and you do not need pills now to get over this condition. The problem is psychological, therefore the solution is also psychological and is not in your physiology. That’s why pills don’t help. There’s nothing wrong with your brain chemistry so you don’t need a drug. The answer is in getting the right kind of therapy specifically for insomnia – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). Find a therapist in your local area who specializes in CBT-I or hire Martin Reed, the founder of this website. He helped me tremendously and I am now sleeping 7 hours a night. Also, read Sasha Stephen’s book, The Effortless Sleep Method.
You need help and pills are not the answer. You did not need pills before you had insomnia and you do not need pills now to get over this condition. The problem is psychological, therefore the solution is also psychological and is not in your physiology. That’s why pills don’t work. There’s nothing wrong with your brain chemistry so you don’t need a drug. The answer is in getting the right kind of therapy specifically for insomnia – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). Find a therapist in your local area who specializes in CBT-I or hire Martin Reed, the founder of this website. He helped me tremendously and I am now sleeping 7 hours a night. Also, read Sasha Stephen’s book, The Effortless Sleep Method.
Try reading Guy Meadow’s book, The Sleep Book. His method at treating insomnia focuses on reducing anxiety about sleeping. Trying to block out thoughts can sometimes backfire and just make them come back with an even greater vengeance. He gives great advice on dealing more effectively with fears and anxiety. This will also help with your anxiety and hopelessness the day after a bad night.
Glad you’re getting the book, Delv. I hate to see you suffering. Guy says that the biggest problem is that we “struggle” with sleep and we use all these fear-based methods trying to avoid having the dreaded sleepless night. His methods help people stop struggling, so that they can finally relax and then naturally fall asleep.
I’m not giving up CBT-I either. I’m sticking with my sleep window and making sure I am really tired when I go to bed. And when I don’t fall asleep right away, if after an hour of “welcoming” any anxiety I’m still lying awake, I will get up. I’m thinking that may not happen often, but if it does, it does. Last night it didn’t take me that long to fall asleep, so I’m guessing that the reconditioning has been working and it’s easier now for me to fall asleep in my bed.
I feel very lucky to have been successful with CBT-I and with Martin’s coaching. My overall anxiety has been tremendously reduced. I would say that overall my anxiety has been reduced maybe 85% at this point. So now I hope to reduce the other lingering 15% through Guy’s method along with continuation of CBT-I.
I’ve been reading Guy Meadow’s book and have decided to try his method when I can’t fall asleep right away. So last night that was the case, even after going to bed exhausted. I lay in bed allowing any fearful emotions and thoughts to just come right in! After awhile they just faded away on their own and eventually I fell asleep. Think it may have taken an hour or more. I’m tired today because I slept maybe just 6 hours or less. But I’m good emotionally.
I’ve decided to take this direction because I don’t want to be controlled by this darn insomnia fear anymore. I’ve faced fears in so many other areas of my life: fear of public speaking, fear of starting a nonprofit, fear of going back to school later in life, fear of starting my own business, fear of performing music in front of people. All of these fears I’ve dealt with by letting myself experience the fear and then walking right through it.
If I had known any better at the time when I couldn’t fall asleep that first fateful night in October, the insomnia wouldn’t have become chronic. But instead of just accepting one bad night and not freaking out over it, I panicked and thus the spiral downwards began. I was afraid of getting insomnia, so guess what happened!
So I want to start dealing with this fear instead of constantly running away from it and avoiding it by trying to do everything perfectly in order to avoid a bad night. With Guy’s method, the idea is that if you can start to accept and “befriend” the anxiety with all the associated thoughts and feelings, then eventually it begins to settle down on its own. He says you’ll probably have a few bad nights in the beginning, because you are finally facing your worst fears for the first time. But as you accept them over and over again, they begin to lose their power and over time you relax more and more in bed and sleep more and more easily. It just makes a lot of sense to me. I’m tired of being afraid.
