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Mac, thank you for being level-headed and telling me like it is. Upon reflection (and also responding to Martin) I realized that there was something that contributed to last night’s all nighter. First of all, I was tired yesterday. Sometimes the way I deal with this is to get wired, operating on adrenaline to get myself through the day. So I think I was still a little wired last night. Also, the last few times I couldn’t sleep I got up once or twice but by 3:00 I would give up on getting up and then would fall asleep. It didn’t work this time. I just lay there for the rest of the night.
So there was a cause and effect, just like it was for you the other day, not something random that I have no control over.
I will get back on the wagon.
Thanks for all your support, everyone. The sleep window won’t make a difference. The thing is that I am COMPLETELY exhausted every night, even with the 6.5 hours of sleep. Most of the times recently I have been able to narrowly escape the sleep demons but sometimes I just don’t for whatever reason. I’m still exhausted, but the sleep demons take over. So it’s not related to not being tired enough. It’s just once the demons have their foot in the door, they push themselves all the way in and then like last night, they party all night!
I finish working with Martin this week. If in a few weeks I still have this one problem, I will seriously consider trying Guy Meadow’s program. Their main focus is on dealing directly with the anxiety, to reduce and eventually eliminate it, so I wouldn’t have to always be running away from it as fast as I can.
Just when I think I’m doing good I have an all nighter. I’m a zombie today. My sleep patterns seem so extreme. I either sleep all night from the moment my head hits the pillow, or I’m up all night like this or at least half the night. I hate this. Of course it makes me worry that I’ll never get over this because I can’t seem to break this pattern. I can’t just lie in bed for 20-30 minutes like a normal person and eventually fall asleep. I have to stay up all night instead.
Delv – My guess is that your depression is from lack of sleep. So if you slept fine, then you wouldn’t need an anti-depressant. Just a suggestion – how about reading Guy Meadow’s book, The Sleep Book? His philosophy is totally different than CBT-I and the main focus is on learning to reduce anxiety associated with sleep, which you seem to have a lot of. I’ve been reading the book and it makes a whole lot of sense to me. I’ve been reading it because I have some concern that I’ll still have the problem of staying up half the night on the nights I don’t immediately fall asleep. I need some strategies to deal with the times when I don’t fall asleep right away and the sleep demons creep in.
Thanks, Mac. Yes, the last thing I want is for this to be a crutch. I want to have some flexibility. Saturday morning I let myself sleep in for an hour. It was the best I’ve felt in weeks, or months! Had energy all day. By 11:00 I wasn’t exhausted like I usually am so I decided to push my sleep window a little later, to 12:30. I set my alarm for 7:00 instead of 6:30. It was not a problem – slept fine. Maybe I would have slept fine last night too, if I went to bed earlier. Guess I’m still cautious though for the most part.
Yes, I fall asleep right away, within just a few minutes. The sleep window has worked really well for me. Within the first week I slept through the night 5 nights out of 7. The other two nights when I didn’t fall asleep right away, I stayed up half the night.
You’ve gone a long time without a bad night, Mac, so you must be getting better. And at least you know the cause of your rough night, so it wasn’t just out of the blue like maybe before. Also, you’re able to fall back asleep more often than before. So you’re on the right track, Mac.
The reason I asked was that I wonder for myself if as I keep on the program and my anxiety goes down, eventually I won’t have anxiety on the nights I can’t immediately fall asleep. I hate to always have to be so utterly exhausted in order to fall sleep. I don’t always want to have to depend on that and to fear not falling asleep right away when I hit the sack.
Last night I was already exhausted by 10:00. My husband went to bed early and I wanted to join him. Knew I couldn’t do that but considered going to bed at 11:00. But was afraid of jinxing things and stayed up till 12:00. Slept 6.5 hours but woke up tired. Oh well. Can’t complain though because I did sleep through the night. If this is a good week I hope to increase my sleep window next week to 7 hours. That much sleep would feel glorious!
Mac – I’m just curious. If I remember correctly, you don’t have problems with slept onset like I do but with staying asleep through the night. Since you’ve been sleeping longer these days does that mean you’re waking up less? Or if you do wake up, you fall back asleep more quickly and/or more often? What do you attribute it to? Less overall anxiety? Just curious.
Sounds like you’re definitely going in the right direction, Mac. Yes, I may sleep every single night this week for all 6.5 hours, but I won’t consider myself cured until it’s been 2 or 3 months of this. Also, on those nights when I don’t fall asleep right away, if the sleep demons are no longer creeping in keeping me up half the night then I will consider myself finally past all of this.
That’s something else, Mac, that even a sleep doctor didn’t know about CBI-I. They’re supposed to be the experts! I actually suspected they might not be helpful so I didn’t even bother to go to a sleep doctor here. I figured they would just want me to do a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea. Glad I didn’t and found Martin and this website instead.
There’s always the internet. On the whole though are you getting better? Do you understand why things are falling apart so that you can prevent it from happening again? If not, then I would keep looking for help. Certification is no guarantee of results. Years ago I went through a very bad period emotionally and sought counseling. I went through 4 or 5 different counselors before I finally found the one who could help me. He had less credentials than all the rest.
Yes, it’s easy to want to slack off when we have a good night, but then things will never change. It’s going to take commitment and discipline for things to start getting better. I would give at least 2 weeks of total commitment to the method to see if you notice any improvement.
That does suck!! Do you think you’re getting any better at all? It seems like what you’re doing is not working that great. I know that you said that you’re already working with a CBT-I therapist, but it doesn’t sound like your therapist is really giving you what you need. Sometimes you have to try more than one therapist before you find the one that can really help you. Maybe you should talk to Martin and ask him if he thinks he could help you. Tell him exactly what you’ve been doing and for how long. He’s very responsive and would get back to you soon. I think you said you’ve had your insomnia since October. That’s when mine began too. I started the therapy with Martin the end of December and am so much better. I would even consider Guy Meadows program if I were you. It’s expensive, but if we consider how much we’re losing every day we can’t sleep in terms of productivity, morale, etc, it’s worth the cost.
