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Honestly, it hasn’t changed. I still do the things that are important to me, and this is especially true since starting this course. For this, I am grateful.
Maybe I just need to express and accept what a bummer it is that sleep hasn’t been as straightforward and cozy as it once was. Even now, where I’m struggling FAR less and focusing on the control of my actions, it still isn’t as “easy” as it once was. And that sucks.
Last night I got out of bed at two different occasions and was awake for 45-60 mins each time, reading a pleasant book in a pleasant corner of my home. I then went back to bed once I felt the wave of anxiety pass and I felt sleepy enough for sleep. This is so much better than where I was 4 weeks ago. AND. It is still occasionally quite frustrating… especially when I see my husband sleep easily and softly next time 24/7, 365.
Perhaps it is now all about acceptance.
Thank you for your words and thoughts, Martin.
Here’s what comes to mind when I read your response.Even in my busy and chaotic 20’s I loved sleep and often put it before other things that I loved as well. It was a personal choice that I completely owned and felt comfortable with. For example, on a holiday with friends I would almost always bow out an hour or two before others as they sat drinking and laughing on a patio. I had enjoyed my time immensely and was feeling sleepy. I chose to go to bed earlier than the lot of them because I prioritized waking up refreshed over the extra hour or two of chit chat after midnight. I comfortably climbed into bed while hearing them burn the midnight oil. It was a values thing and I was comfortable with it.
Similarly, I’ve often been the person who goes the the concert and has a terrific time, but skip the after party in the name of rest and good health (didn’t need the extra pitcher of beer after a great and already tipsy evening).All this to say, I don’t believe that I made those choices out of an effort to control sleep… it was just a personal choice that reflected my values. And one of the things I found most devastating about struggling with insomnia is that it prevented me from living into the value of rest & wellness. I still feel agitated by having that option “taken away”.
Before sleep was a concern, no. I did not spend much time thinking about what activities were “allowable” before bed. I frequently watched a good show in bed until my eyes were droopy. I did not ever scroll my phone, check social media, or look at work emails before bed but that was because I was aware of the way it made me FEEL, not the way it made me sleep. It wasn’t a strategy to control sleep, it was just a strategy to promote wellness and happiness.
“If you’re not really struggling with wakefulness when it shows up, why does it matter if you might spend some time awake in bed and why does it matter what time you get sleepy and why does it matter when you go to bed?” I don’t know why it matters!!! Good point! I guess i thought it mattered because I still have sleep hygiene rules whispering around in my brain.
“Finally, what’s more likely to keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live? Doing things that matter when you are awake or trying to control/protect sleep? And, what’s a more workable strategy?” Certainly the former. It is such a liberating concept to just fill the time with things that fill me up vs. Rules.
Yesterday I ate a few squares of dark chocolate before bed. I haven’t done something like that for ages because I’ve been worried about caffeine/being stimulated by snacking late at night and how it would impact my sleep. I said to myself “sleep happens by itself no matter what I do/don’t do. Before sleep was a concern for me, I frequently ate chocolate in the evenings.” And let it go. I fell asleep before midnight and had a relatively good sleep.
This is an awesome thread. Thanks Noel for asking the question because I, too, find I need to remind myself of the “bones” of the concepts once in a while.
My auntie who has been a counsellor and meditation teacher for 25 years taught me to practice self kindness by actually putting my own hands around myself like a hug, and talking to myself like I would talk to my daughter/son if they were having a hard time. Targets the fear brain to be replaced with the love part, same structure (amygdala)
[audio src="https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Loving-KindnessforOurselves20.41ckgamplified12-14-14.mp3" /]
Dulce,
I was very grateful to see your comment mentioning the difference in your sleep depending on cycle. I was just getting very down on myself for my intrusive thoughts after my first 10 days of restricting sleep and practicing all the strategies Martin is unrolling. I, too, found the program almost instantly helpful.. I’ve been so much more relaxed and accepting and I’ve been so proud and grateful for the substance free sleeps I’ve been getting. Anyways, today felt different and Then I realized that I am most certainly in my luteal phase, and for the first time since beginning this journey I’m tempted to take a supplement or use marijuana to get over this hump of increased perceived stress (I let it all go cold turkey when I started).
I’m not sure exactly what to do… a part of me feels like giving myself a little “break” by using a supplement to calm my mind this evening, and then continuing with all the good work tomorrow, but I also want to continue to be as dedicated as possible to give myself a truly good shot. WWMD (what would Martin do), I wonderYes, there are certainly helpful tidbits here. I imagine I will be coming back to re-read this response in the future.
I can’t believe how helpful your strategies have been already, and this is coming from a person who already did a full 6 week CBT course with a psychologist directed at sleep. Though to be fair… at the time I felt too intimidated to try restricting my sleep window, and that seems to be the biggest piece that is helping me right now.
I’m expecting it to be a long and somewhat uncomfortable road but I’d rather go slow and steady to create lasting changes.
