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You know, as bad as this insomnia is and how it affects my life, I keep having this feeling that I am going to wake up one day and it will be gone like it never happened. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. Or maybe it’s because I’ve only had it 8 months. I really don’t know why I fee this way but I just don’t think right now I will have it the rest of my life. I hope I do get rid of it. And I hope all of you get rid of yours.
Thanks for the encouraging words Pam. Have you taken Martin’s free course yet? I can’t remember if you said you did or not.
Deb – Yes. Two steps forward one step back. I am taking the long view on this and while it’s upsetting, it also means my sleep drive should be high tonight. So I am going in with no expectations except that I will have a high sleep drive. Let whatever comes from that happen. I still think I’m not as anxious as I used to be. I look forward going to bed now. Some nights are just better than others.
Thanks for the encouraging words Mac. I know you have suffered with this a long time and that you are getting better. So you know how disappointing it can be to have a really, really bad night after having several relatively good ones. I thought two hours sleep was a bad night but getting none is devastating. I know that every night is a new night and none is dependent on the previous night so I will just keep going as I actually look forward to going to bed at night now. I just have to start doing two things. Make sure I stay up to my sleep window without nodding off for even a couple minutes. And two, find things to do again in case I have to get up for an unexpected SC. Nothing much else I can do as I also know you can’t control your sleep and so there are going to be some bad nights out there.
I had two relatively good nights to end the week last week of about 4 and three quarters hours of sleep each night. And then came last night. I got no sleep whatsoever. Maybe some stage 1 sleep but it was a very,very disappointing night. I was tired all day Sunday and I took a nice hot bath in the evening to get ready for bed. I even made sure I was out of the tub an hour and a half before my SW began so my body temperature wasn’t too warm to sleep. About 45 minutes before my SW began, I started nodding off in the chair and it happened several times. I just couldn’t stay awake. And when I tried to read, my eyes were so blurry I couldn’t. I was even re-reading paragraphs because I couldn’t understand them on the first run. But when I got in bed, I just couldn’t fall asleep. Maybe I was excited because I thought I was going to have my first 5 hour sleep in a long time. Anyway, the worst part is I never even practiced SC. I was so exhausted, I just couldn’t get out of bed. I think I did go to the living room once but it didn’t last long as I was just too tired to do anything there. And I tried sitting up in bed once also but I couldn’t even manage that. Yet, I could not get to sleep.
The oddest thing is that I am not too tired today. My body probably realized I didn’t sleep and released a ton of adrenaline and cortisol into my system. It’s funny how when I do get to sleep, sometimes I am more tired the next day then when I didn’t get any sleep. Does anyone else have this happen to them?
I am trying not to worry about it as I know if I do, it could lead to more sleepless nights. Evey night is a new night not dependent on the last night. But I do have to try harder at SC. It’s just over the last 5 days, I hardly had to do any SC because I woke up so near my alarm time that I didn’t need to get out of bed to do it. But Mac, I know how you feel thinking that you are going to spend the rest of your life like this. But you beat it once. You can do it again. I am just so depressed today after getting absolutely no sleep last night. Martin suggested I stay away from the forums for awhile as some of the posts might discourage me and make my arousal system even more sensitive. I agree for a lot of the other posts but I need the support from this thread.
Mac – Sorry to hear of your sleep difficulties. I know how depressing it can get when things go south. Just remember that you had this beat once and so you know you can do it again.
Deb – Thanks again for all of your encouraging support.
Slarius – Hang in. These down nights happen and you therefore shouldn’t worry about it. You are probably going to have a down night or two every week before your sleep improves overall. Just keep with your SR and SC and you will snap out of it and have good nights again.
Doing okay Borgesbi. My sleep is really consolidating but after week three of sleep restriction, I don’t find it getting longer yet. I was getting more sleep before I started SR but that is still normal at this point and to be expected. My problem is that I am getting so little sleep, only averaging 3.9 hours right now, that I am extremely tired the next day at work. Still, I am sticking with this. Week four is still very early in the program.
We all do that every now and then Slarus. The key is not to beat yourself up over it. Just move on to the next night.
I know what you mean Deb. If I don’t fall asleep within 15 minutes of hitting the pillow, I know it’s going to be a rough night. Right now, I know I am making progress. But after my 3rd week of SR, my first full week with Martin, I am only getting 3.9 hours of sleep per night average. That’s not enough sleep for me at all and I am feeling the effects. I am getting more migraines and vertigo spells. Also feeling more disoriented. I had CAT scans and other tests before and they all came back negative so the doctors and myself are assuming it’s the insomnia causing it all. I mean it must be because it’s hard to function on 3.9 hours of sleep. Before SR, I was getting 4.7, not too much better but enough to keep the migraines and vertigo at bay. And a lot of that 4.7 was actually nights of between 5 and 6. Unfortunately, it was very fragmented and I got it over 7 to 9 hours of being in bed at night so you can see I was tossing and turning a lot. My sleep is now consolidated into one block so hopefully, I will start to increase the time I am actually asleep.
I don’t know Mac. Before I started SR, I was getting 4.5 to 6 hours of sleep but it was fragmented over an 8 to 9 hour period. After SR, in particular this week, I got 3.9 hours of sleep average but it was mostly consolidated. Don’t know if there is much of a difference. Also, I always feel exhausted but okay when I get up in the morning. But when I make it to work, I feel less than ok. It’s hard to make it though a work day on 4 hours of sleep. It’s odd how some nights I get the same amount of sleep but it must be a different type of sleep as I am more tired the next day. The two nights I did get over 5 hours of sleep I felt great the nest day. Not perfect, but really good. My problem now is that the lack of sleep is really starting to affect my health. My dry eye syndrome is really starting to bother me and I am getting more migraines. I have been told this is all due to the lack of sleep. I am so exhausted in the morning but still can’t sleep more at night. Crazy. At least I know that I can sleep on my own without pills and I am getting the confidence when I go to bed at night to know that I will sleep. I am still anxious sometimes but I don’t start thinking about what type of sleep I will have, how much or what will happen if I don’t get a good night’s sleep. I am waiting for Martin to look over the first week of my sleep diary.
Deb – You said you signed up with Martin again. Did you pay that reduced rate the second time?
So, the last 7 nights my SE was as follows. 95%, 18%, 76% 63%, 86%, 90% and 86%. Only one of those nights I slept longer than 5 hours. The other nights I ended up getting out of bed early because I couldn’t sleep and it was too close to my alarm so I got up. Only one of those nights was a really bad night with 1 hour of sleep. With that one bad night, my average sleep was 3.9 hours. Without the bad night, my average sleep was 4.4. And another plus is that most of my sleep is now consolidated and coming in one block. I start on week 4 of SR tonight.
Sorry to hear that Mac but at least now you know. So tell me, when you do go to bed at 11:30 and get up at 6:00, do you feel refreshed? Do you feel like you used to before you got insomnia? Maybe you can get a good night’s sleep tonight and get back to your regular time frame. Hope so. Rooting for you.
Hi Pam. Sorry to hear about how rough you have been having but know that we all went through the same thing. And it does work. You just have to stick with it. Actually, we are all “broken”, or at least our sleep mechanism is. But the CBT-i with it’s SR and SC will help fix it. It just takes time. Remember what I like to say. If CBT-i was easy, there wouldn’t be any insomniacs in the world. Keep us posted as to how your doing.
Hi Slarus. Yes, you might want to decrease your SW. The normal approach is to take your average sleep time and add 30 minutes. So yours would be 6 hours.
I have had my insomnia since October of last year after some triggers which caused a lot of anxiety. My triggers have since gone but as with you, the insomnia remains.
