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Borgesbi – More and more I am trying to live my life as if I don’t have the insomnia (even though I know it’s still there) but I am not at that point yet where I can totally not think about how much sleep I got the previous night. How I feel the next day always lets me know approximately how much sleep I got.
I think the biggest unwelcome thought I get at night is frustration. In the early evening, I am mostly calm and relaxed but as bedtime gets nearer, I do start to get stressed about how much sleep I will get that night as well as the thought of sleep expectation. However, these thoughts and anxiety usually go away by the time I actually get into bed. But after falling asleep, I more often than not wake up about an hour after I got into bed and that’s when frustration first hits. I usually go to the bathroom and come back and fall asleep relatively quickly again but then I am up at 2:30 or 3:30 and that’s when the real frustration hits. I welcome it but there is no question that the feelings of frustration is the hardest unwelcome thought for me. I am pretty accepting the next day as to how much sleep I ended up getting but that “Not Again!” feeling upon the early awakening is very difficult for me during the night.
Featherly – That is so true. A couple good nights of sleep and I am in such a good mood. After a couple of bad nights it is really hard to keep the unwanted thoughts away. I pray for all of us to keep on progressing in a positive direction.
Deb – Glad you are on track again. Yes, CBT-i was very rough for me. The first couple weeks seemed to go okay but then it went downhill after that and I was getting very little sleep. ACT has been going much better. I wouldn’t call me an inspiration though as my sleep is still up and down, although hopefully headed in the right direction. I think you and Borgesbi are the true inspirations. I hope to someday sleep as well as you two.
gsdmom – Yes, you have to make sure you don’t overthink ACT. Just keep using the tools though and your good sleep will return like it did last week for you. And remember to keep coming back here for support.
Borgesbi – Yes, definitely not scared of insomnia anymore. I know when I wake up early now that if that’s all the sleep I will get until morning it will still be okay the next day. I can still relax and rest in bed. Last night was another good night. I slept again between 7 and 8 hours with only two wake-ups. But the best part is that the alarm woke me up. That’s the first time in a very long time that I woke up because of the alarm. This is my second really good sleep in a week as I had a very good sleep last Tuesday as well. I had two semi-poor sleeps prior to last night so it might have been because my sleep drive was high but I have had poor sleeps before which weren’t followed by a very good night so I am hoping I am turning the corner. Going to bed tonight again with no sleep expectations. Just going to let my mind drift to get to sleep and hopefully it will know that it’s safe during the night and stay asleep.
Thanks for the support Deb and Pam. I did get a little more than 5 hours of sleep last night, Not as good as the 6 to 7 I’ve been getting but much better than the 3 or less.
Sorry to hear that you have that many awakenings Pam. I have 3 to 4 but after that 3rd or 4th one, I am up for good. From that point on, it’s just relaxation time as I can’t get back to sleep. You are right though…better nights will come so just keep practicing.
Hi Padron. The CPAP is working out well and I’ve been on it for about two weeks now. I had one really good night with it of between 7 and 8 hours sleep but mostly, if you discount these last two nights, I am between 6 and 7 hours of sleep (probably closer to 6). That is more sleep than I have been getting, although I do need more than that. I am using the nasal mask. What type of mask are you using? I know Featherly uses the Pillow type mask. If by AutoPAP you mean the machine delivers different amounts of pressure based on what it is sensing you need, then yes, that’s what I have.
Going to be a rough day today. I normally have been getting 6 to 7 hours of sleep lately, probably more towards 6, but last night I only got about 3 hours. I take the blame for that as yesterday I tried to act like a “normal” sleeper. I laid down on the couch and just rested my eyes for about an hour and a half. I didn’t sleep any but that rest period destroyed a lot of my sleep drive I think. The end result is it took me two hours to fall asleep and after that, I only slept for about 3 hours. I accepted the sleep I got so acceptance isn’t the problem anymore. When I woke, I stayed in that sleepy state and even welcomed some unwelcome thoughts. I didn’t try to wake myself up and stay awake to get to know my insomnia. I know it pretty well by now. I’d rather just stay in that sleepy state in case I do fall asleep again but that didn’t happen last night. I think I might be trying too hard to fall back asleep while I am in that state though. I’ll have to be careful of that. I just need to let my mind drift of its own accord. I have to realize I am not a “normal” sleeper yet and shouldn’t try to act like one. Hopefully, I’ll get back on track tonight. How did everybody else do over the weekend?
Deb – Has your rough period ended? I really hope so as you did so well. We’re all rooting for you here to get back on track.
Padron – Are you having better luck with ACT now after the advice you received?
Featherly – I forget a lot of times to practice the tools as well. I do the exercises when I remember but as I said in an earlier post, sometimes the bad thoughts are so overwhelming, I really forget about using the tools. That’s why yesterday I laid down for that hour and a half as I just wanted to daydream and think for awhile.
Yeah Padron, I know where you’re coming from. That was me doing SC as well. I’m much better on ACT. I am getting between 6 and 7 hours of sleep now mostly and while I still need more, I’m getting way more than I did when I was doing SR/SC. Last week, I got over 7 one night and kind of felt refreshed when I got up. It didn’t last long since I have had insomnia for about 11 months now and so need a couple of those days I guess, but it felt good. Hope everyone here is starting to sleep well again. I know some of us have had a rough past week or two.
Deb – Yes, figured out the CPAP and last night I was back to getting around 6+ hours of sleep. I still get 2 or 3 wake-ups in there but I am slowly progressing in the right direction again. And yes, you are right in that I don’t want to sabotage myself by thinking I can’t get several good nights of sleep in a row. Self defeating talk like that won’t help me and i got to eliminate that from my thinking.
Hope you had a good sleep as well last night and got back on track.
Featherly,
I do try to practice mindfulness but sometimes it’s hard to remember and other times the unwelcome thoughts are so overpowering I forget to use the mindfulness. i talked to my counselor about this and asked her if daydreaming was okay as long as the daydream thoughts are good ones, like me riding my motorcycle. She thought it was okay as she said the whole purpose of mindfulness was to get away and separate from the unwelcome thoughts. A daydream of pleasant thoughts can do that. It can push the unwelcome thoughts right out of our mind for awhile and that’s what I need. Sometimes, for me at least, it’s not good enough to just separate ourselves from the unwelcome thoughts. I need to push them from my mind completely so I don’t keep thinking of them and dwell on them.
Well, last night was a real problem after that one really good sleep I had Tuesday night. I woke up within a half hour of going to sleep and then I started having problems with the CPAP machine. And that’s probably what woke me up to begin with. It wasn’t keeping my airway open like it did this past week and so I kept gasping for air. The only way I could lie comfortable and still was to lie on my left side but that resulted in muscle pain lying like that all night. So, I maybe got 2 to 3 hours of sleep in. I feel lousy today but I can function. I have an appointment to have the CPAP machine looked at and I hope they can either find a problem with it or increase the pressure. If they can’t do either, I’m going to have a problem. The end result is that I think most of the problem was the CPAP machine but I also think I just am not ready for two good sleep nights in a row. I still have some anxiety and I letting the mind wander is tough.
Deb – I really hope you can get back on track. Yes, skip the alcohol. You didn’t need it before so don’t start that now. Just go back to what you were doing before. Are you still on your anti-anxiety meds? You might want to stay on them for awhile.
Delv – Sorry you had a rough night. We just need to keep on accepting the results of whatever sleep we get.
Deb – I stopped thinking that my insomnia was going to end soon. I just went to bed without any expectations and let my mind go it’s own way. When I came back to bed after a bathroom break, I again just let my mind wander until I fell asleep.
That was my question though. I know you started sleeping continuously but about how many nights of continuous good sleep did it take you to feel normal and really refreshed again? I was thinking it couldn’t have been one or two nights as your body had to recover. But then again, maybe you were quick to recover, too. I was just curious as after that one good night, I still am having some of the day after effects of insomnia. Then again, maybe I didn’t have as much deep sleep as I thought I did. But I’m trying not to overthink this. lol.
I don’t want to jinx myself but I got a very good sleep last night. Probably the best I had since I came down with insomnia almost a year ago. I know it was over 7 hours and the result is that I can concentrate and focus better although I am not “100% back to normal”. And I don’t expect to be after only one good night. The big key was being able to get back to sleep after I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and staying asleep until about 10 minutes before my alarm rang. I am not getting too excited because I know I can relapse but I also know that I can sleep for over 7 hours. Haven’t done that in over a year. The big thing for me though is that I didn’t go to bed overly tired but rather like I normally feel. Only had 3 wake-ups and the last one was 10 minutes before my alarm rang. The other two wake-ups were to use the bathroom and I fell asleep soon after I came back to bed. So all in all, a good sleep.
Deb – I have a question for you. I l know everyone is different but how many successive nights of good sleep did it take you to feel “normal” again? I ask because I still am a little tired and still have a little dizzyness. In other aspects though like brain fog and ability to concentrate, I am doing really well.
Thanks Deb. That too makes sense. But I still look forward to going to bed. It’s kind of like my refuge away from the storm. And I can rest in it even if I don’t get to sleep in it.
Thanks Featherly. I do understand what you are saying and you make some valid points. Just so tired of being tired, you know? But you are correct in that I have to live in the here and now and forget about what might happen in the future. I’m pretty sure Dr. Meadows pointed that out in the book. It does pay to go back and re-read it.
