[Toneman]

It’s great to hear people say things along the line of ‘If I sleep, that’s great.. if I don’t, then I’ll catch up the next day/night’. I feel like words are easy to say, putting in practice a lot more difficult.
I tried last night. I fell asleep almost immediately, and it lasted no longer than 10 – 30 minutes, before I was wide awake again. I felt almost refreshed compared to when I went to bed tired just a short time earlier. 3 hours later of trying to accept …and if I’ve been asleep, then it is only Stage 1 of sleep, as it just doesn’t feel like I’ve been there.
My mind is now setting a trap for me – medication will get me to sleep, and it does. But leaves me tired and hungover the next day.. or it’s the lack of sleep that leaves me that way.
I don’t have the luxury of a boss who understands my lack of output through lack of sleep. After numerous nights now of interrupted sleep, I’m scared to go to bed. Scared of another bad night of sleep. But mostly, I’m scared to invest in expensive programs, in the belief that it won’t fix me, I’m broken, and nothing can fix my sleep.

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