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One of the things I have learned through my own experience with insomnia is that you really shouldn’t put a fixed number on the amount of sleep you want. If you are consistently waking up after 4-6 hours, you might need less than 7 hours anyway! Maybe you can try reducing the amount of time you allot for sleep (sleep restriction–it’s a big part of Martin’s program on this site) and see how you feel.
If you’re not sleepy yet, no matter how many relaxation exercises you try, you’re still not going to sleep! I tried all those things and then stopped them completely, and it really had no effect on how well I sleep. The things that helped me were sleep restriction, and learning to stop trying to force sleep to happen. There’s more information about both in the free sleep training you can get on this site. I highly recommend it! Good luck!
I think it might be a mistake to “not do anything” with regards to your sleep.
You don’t want to obsess about sleep, but you are allowed (and encouraged) to do things that increase the likelihood of sleeping well. One of those things is keeping active during the day.
So even if you’re not in the mood, try to keep going. I find easy physical activities that aren’t too mentally challenging help perk me up during the day. Sometimes I motivate myself with a treat (eat something yummy, or watch a fun movie, or whatever you love) to help make the bad days feel less bad.
The important thing is to find something to be happy about and not dwell on the insomnia!
Hey y’all – quick update! In the past few nights, I’ve found a couple of things helpful:
1) I took Martin’s advice up there (thanks for weighing in!), and thought hard about what I was really so anxious about. The worst-case scenario that I can imagine is highly unlikely (and still survivable), and the most likely scenario (which in my case is getting a couple of hours of sleep) is not so bad that I really need to panic about it. I try to keep telling myself that.
2) When I get into bed, I don’t immediately lie down or try to sleep. I just sit up vertically with the lights off and take the time to think whatever I feel like thinking until I start to nod off again. Then I give myself permission to lie down. Or maybe just slouch a little and get a tiny bit closer to lying down. Baby steps! When I finally do lie down, the anxiety does still come back, but it is less intense.
3) I recently heard some advice about anxiety in general. Anxiety feels a lot like excitement. So when you start to feel your heart race or whatever, instead of worrying, just say “I am excited!” I use this technique when I’m starting to stress about sleep. I tell myself I’m excited about sleeping (I mean, really, don’t you just love sleep more than pretty much anything else in the world? I am so overjoyed every time I sleep at night). This helps me reframe my feelings as something positive.
I’ve only been at it two nights, but in those two nights, I was able to fall asleep without having to get out of bed once!
That happens to me too. I’m trying the exact same things you are, and getting the same result! It’s currently my biggest frustration with sleeping. I know I have to learn to not care so much whether I sleep or not, but boy, is that easier said than done! You’re not alone! We can do it!
I have mostly accepted that most nights I won’t get *much* sleep, but I still live in fear that some night I won’t get *any* sleep, and I think that contributes to my continued insomnia—because I haven’t fully let go of the fear. It’s really hard to internalize that a night of no sleep won’t be the end of the world…even though I’ve actually survived some sleepless nights (fueled by stimulants) without much adverse effect! Thanks for sharing your story and reminding us that attitude is everything.
Hi there! Another way of thinking about it is: 3 hours of sleep is better than no sleep. I woke up too early and got only 3.5 hours of sleep two nights ago and still felt pretty good all day. You’ll be surprised at what you can do if you stop stressing about how much sleep you didn’t get, and start focusing on what you did well last night, and what you can still enjoy about today!
Have you signed up for the 2-week sleep training on this site? I did it, and it helped me make a huge improvement in both my quality of sleep and how much I worry about sleep. You couldn’t ask for better information for free! Best wishes!I actually use a similar technique to help myself sleep! I usually think of a topic and then think of a word for that topic starting with every letter of the alphabet (like the game Scattergories!). Yours sounds like a good one to try if I get bored with my version.
Only problem is that I can’t concentrate on words when I’m too panicked or too exhausted, so sometimes it fails.
