I developed my insomnia when my 5th baby was born, the pandemic hit, and I was greatly overwhelmed at all my responsibilities. My baby was a poor sleeper so I was already anxious about getting sleep and he woke up so much it almost felt like “what’s the point of falling asleep if he is going to wake me up right away” but then I started to panic when I wouldn’t fall asleep at all between his nursings.
Even when my husband would take him, I simply couldn’t fall asleep even though I was so, so exhausted. I developed a neurosis about my sleep and at night my thoughts would race nonstop, even songs would perpetually play in my head, and it was a hell I had never known could exist before.
I tried sleeping on the couch, I tried sleeping pills, I tried CBD, meditation, working out like crazy, EVERYTHING, and nothing could help me fall asleep. Even when I would fall into a light sleep I was always cognizant and it was just unbearable never getting a reprieve from my racing thoughts.
The experience was debilitating. It absolutely consumed my every thought and action. My life revolved completely around my sleep. The physical suffering was unbearable as well. Constant headaches, nausea, and shaking. I was scared to drive, I was constantly on the verge of tears, I had so much guilt because I was such a mess and knew I was barely getting by keeping my kids fed and I knew I was not meeting their emotional needs because I could barely keep myself alive. I was a burden on my husband. Every day felt impossible and then the night would come and I would be filled with dread and it would be so much worse than the day! It is difficult to describe the despondency that I felt trying to navigate everyday life without being able to sleep.
What I liked most about the course was the accountability. I did think the course was expensive but then I realized that only when I was willing to prioritize my health, emotionally and financially, would I be successful in taking the steps (which felt impossible at times) to manage my insomnia. The feedback, concrete plan, and being able to reach out whenever I was panicky and getting a response from Martin almost immediately was so valuable.
I think the fact the course was such a financial commitment I could NOT give up and that piece was necessary for me to stick to it. The constant contact with Martin and personalized feedback was really helpful. It is a very structured and slow process. Severe insomnia makes you feel insane and so lonely so being able to reach out to someone who understands was so important as well.
When I realized my sleep was improving I was hesitant to believe it and it took a while definitely before I stopped obsessing over my sleep constantly and I started to not dread my life again. Realizing that I could go an entire day without thinking about sleep was shocking.
Now I have graduated from the course I just don’t obsess over sleep anymore! I still have bad nights but I don’t have this overwhelming dread that there is something deeply wrong with me. I am actually LIVING my life and insomnia consumed me for almost 2 years.
This was the ONLY thing that helped me improve my insomnia. I tried literally everything and was so despondent. I felt severely mentally ill. But this really helped me. It takes time but it WILL work.