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I guess what really isn’t improving is your mindset about sleep. Your true sleep ability never changed. It’s your thoughts toward sleep that has. And it’s really hard to see the objective truth when you are being told one thing or another by an “expert” and you had no way of verifying them so you just went go along with whatever. What is the objective truth about sleep? Did anyone ever tell you that insomniacs and good sleepers don’t really sleep that much differently? Actual polysomnographic studies done on wide variety of test subjects, on both insomiacs and good sleepers, showed that the amount of time slept by these subjects varied only by, like just 5 mins on average (423 mins vs 418 mins)?? And another surprising fact, it was the insomniac group that collectively scored that extra 5 mins! Source: Youtube (ChatGPT has the answer: Heard online #39) by The Sleep Coach School.
These findings quite reflect reality in my opinion. If you think of sleep as another one of your core biological functions such as eating or breathing, then believing you are a “bad” eater or breather cannot possibly detract from the fact that your body still possess those abilities innately. Being convinced somehow that you are a bad eater will never negate the ability of that function in your body. So unfortunately, the fact here is that you are simply being confused about your own beliefs and the actual reality, leading you to reach the wrong conclusion that something about you is wrong when there really isn’t! Good luck to you and I hope you come to the same realization eventually.
When you are sleeping better, your sleep will get slightly worse going forward, what’s really so surprising about that?? What would be surprising if you kept on sleeping more and more despite the increased sleep duration! It’s like expecting to get hungrier and hungrier as you fill your stomach. Does that make any sense?
Be logical and rational with your expectations. Nothing is going to help you if you have unrealistic expectations right from the start. Expecting to sleep longer after an improvement is not realistic. So is expecting sleep through the night and not waking up at all. You will start waking up more the more you sleep, typically when your body is cycling between the stages of sleep. And the thing is you have absolutely no control over that.
Imminent death?? What kind of danger or death are you talking about when you have lived for over 40 years with it?
When you’re first starting out, it’s pretty hard, everyone is the same. The key to recovery isn’t about not caring. Because everyone cares, that’s why we go to bed to sleep and and not in the kitchen or toilet. The real key to recovery is actually a 180° change in mindset. Important questions that need addressing are like: Why do you think your sleep is broken? Is it possible to sleep well for decades and then suddenly out of nowhere, completely forget how to do it? What is it really about sleep that I am worried about? Is the health consequences, not feeling refreshed, looking like crap, mental fog, etc? Then you need to establish the basis for these assumptions. Are they rooted in logic and fact or are they actually just hear-says? Be perfectly honest and open with yourself.
I found using metaphors worked for me. I equate sleep to eating. Is it possible to forget how to eat? No, that would be silly because you just put food in your mouth and you naturally just chew and swallow. So is it possible to forget when to eat also? NO as well. Everyone will eat when they get hungry enough. And how to get hungry enough? Simple. Just don’t eat for long enough. Would it be possible to refuse a feast of delicious food in front of you when you have been starving for a few days? Again NO. So when applied to sleep, will your body refuse to sleep if you have been so tired and deprived of it once you lay down on a comfy bed? NO! Your body will get what it wants, one way or another. There is just no way it can do it wrong. You came into this world with this innate ability and it will stick with you for the rest of your life regardless of how worried you get or what you do or believe. It wasn’t a skill that needed to be learnt or acquired in the first place so how can it be lost?? So it’s futile and even silly getting worried sick about it.
The real key to recovery is how you view your insomnia. Is it really a problem after all or just a conjured up hoax because you have been indoctrinated that somehow lack of sleep has devastating consequences? If insomnia was deadly, wouldn’t the morgues now be filled with corpses of people who somehow forgot how to sleep? On average, roughly 30% of the world’s population suffer from some kind of insomnia. So 30% of the 8 billion people is what? 2.4 billion?? So are there billions of corpses in the morgues now that died from lack of sleep or somehow lost that ability? NO, I hardly ever heard about ONE case let alone billions! So then the underlying notion must be false! The facts just don’t check out.
I know no amount of words is going to convince you overnight that your insomnia isn’t a problem. Please go through this journey with an open eye and heart and truly see what it’s all about. You might find you will laugh at yourself for acting like this, for believing and doing crazy stuff for sleep for what is essentially a very harmless and very normal situation. Good luck.
For short term insomnia, the answer is yes! Absolutely. It also happens in people who don’t have insomnia either.
Hello!
Insomnia is a very peculiar affliction. It just stops bothering people when they no longer want to get rid of it. Strange but true! And waking up during the night is 100% common. The issue is how do you react to it. If people are indifferent and couldn’t be bothered by it, they will usually fall back asleep pretty quickly.
Hello @bjorn!
If you need to get up at 4am regularly then just start going to bed at 10pm so your sw is still 6 hours. Keep doing that and your body will start adjusting to the new timetable in a few weeks.
If your 4am wake up time is just a one-off, then just stick to your regular sw and you don’t need to change anything. It will mean you will sleep less on that particular night but us recovered insomniacs don’t obsess over numbers anymore. I will catch a nap if I have the chance (eg on a train or flight) and then just get on with the day. Normal people do that anyway and recovered people won’t be thinking much differently. In fact, physiologically, you and any normal sleeper are no different. Any difference exists only in mindsets and therefore this becomes a mental problem and not a physical one. Good luck.
Hello!
So what horrible thing has happened in that 4 months? Except that you experienced of some kind of sleep disruption. What made you think if nothing significant happened in the last 4 months that something was suddenly going to happen now anyway?? Think carefully. How old are you? Maybe 20s or 30s? How on earth did you sleep quite okay for the past 2 or 3 decades but you suddenly start having “problems” now?? Again, think carefully. What is really the problem here? Or is there even any problem at all?? What is this all about except an irrational fear of wakefulness and basically being afraid of your own thoughts and nothing else?
Just one word to describe your incredible story. WOW! Thank you for sharing it. Wakefulness isn’t the enemy or dangerous, a powerful message right there. Don’t struggle, let the body take over naturally. I suppose insomnia itself needs a whole new definition too, it really isn’t about the inability to sleep, because at its core is the misguided struggle with wakefulness.
Hi @Fifi
Great question! Everyone who has or had insomnia must have asked themselves that. There’s no easy way to answer it unfortunately. My advice to you now is to go through this unwilling and unsolicited journey with open eyes and heart. Try to learn as much as you can from it instead of shutting it out and not wanting to learn anything. If you don’t want learn anything, you cannot and will not develop the courage to deal with it.
Try not to let how you sleep for one night determine your success or failure. There will be plenty of nights down the road so you can always keep trying and there is no reason to despair now because you “failed” to sleep on one single night. The key is consistency.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. The desire to be free of insomnia also starts with the desire. With the right knowledge and mindset, you too can overcome this. The key is not to struggle too much with it. Do not be petty and vengeful with sleep just because it doesn’t seem to serve you now. Which is why finding things to occupy your time that you enjoy and gives you meaning and purpose is helpful. It helps you get sleep off your mind even for a while. It may be a bit hard at first but most people find it gets easier as time moves on. When you no longer think about sleep or can’t be bothered anymore, when the obsession stops, when you no longer find any wakefulness annoying, the insomnia always and without fail, tends to resolve itself without any external intervention. Good luck to you.
Yes!… Feeling sleepy is a surefire sign that your sleep system is working perfectly. Try to reframe your thoughts about sleep and how you feel during the day. Sleep isn’t an on-off switch, it’s more like a dimmer whose input is dependent on so many things like your energy levels, your feelings, whether you are bored, when and what you eat and a myriad of other factors! It’s impossible to pinpoint why you feel exhausted. Ironically it always seems to happen around the same time for most people. Hence, the afternoon siesta!
Thank you for sharing your husband’s story. When you no longer fear sleeplessness, then it has no power over you. Congratulations!
Yes, it’s a condition called somniphobia. Which is an irrational fear of sleeping. So why do you fear going to bed? Have you evaluated the reasons behind this irrationality? Sleep is something you expect to do everyday for the rest of your life, so does it make any sense to keep fearing it going forward? What’s the fear really all about? Deeply self-reflect on these questions and find the solutions yourself, in your own way. It often helps when you stop placing so much pressure on yourself and just allow things to take its own natural course. After all, nobody taught how to eat or breathe at the moment of birth either! Sleep is like that too. It happens without pressure or effort and everybody can sleep regardless of how badly they think they are at it. Your own body is fail-safe and there’s just no way it can do it wrong regardless of how hard you try to break it.
As @allen said, your insomnia story is a very typical one. It often starts with something unpleasant which then develops into an unhealthy obsession with sleep with a good amount of accompanying fear-mongering going on. The fact is nothing about your sleep ability changed. It’s your thoughts toward sleep that have. No one sleeps fine for decades then all of a sudden finds themselves requiring sleeping pills over just a matter of days or weeks! From my experience, trying to seek comfort and safety in numbers is often counter-productive. That reinforces the idea that there is something very wrong (when there’s none) and that it must be stopped or overcome at all costs. Wrong approach, imo. A better response would be to deeply self-reflect within yourself and enquire why you must sleep soundly when you are experiencing a difficult situation. Because sleep disruptions are very common and normal! It happens to everyone every once in a while. The good news is that this is probably only temporary and transitory. A poor night sleep or a stretch of it will not mean it will continue forever unless you unknowingly allow it by doing and thinking the wrong things. Good luck to you.
