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Hello Dani!
Welcome to this forum. I recommend you read Cindy’s success story and how she overcame her postpartum insomnia, very similar to your situation. Her story is very insightful and full of wonderful advice on how to tackle sleep issues for new mums:Please don’t make how you sleep the main focus and determinant of how you feel or perform the next day. Because sleep really doesn’t define that. The suffering you go through because you feel you don’t sleep well is unfortunately, self-imposed. The key to sleeping well is actually being okay and no longer afraid of not sleeping well. It’s really a paradox. Focus more on other things like being a better mum, indulging in your hobbies and making a wonderful experience out of life. Accept that life isn’t always a bed of roses, and you won’t always get what you want but that’s okay, and there’s no reason to beat yourself up over it. Good luck to you and congratulations on being a parent.
You won’t die from unintentional lack of sleep in the same way you won’t die from unintentional food starvation or lack of oxygen
Hello!
You seem to confuse “should” with “must”. There is no strict requirement to leave the bed if conditions for sleep are right, ie, not overly stressed, no unpleasant wakefulness and you feel comfortable in bed. If still confused, always go back to your past habits before you had insomnia, you must have had occasions when you can’t sleep. What did you do then? Then go back to doing that. In overcoming insomnia, regaining your personality plays a big part.
If you didn’t have to restrict your time to falling asleep in just 15mins, would you be more relaxed in your approach to cbti? Don’t beat yourself up because you are not doing it perfectly. Because having done it myself and sleeping well now, I can tell you it doesn’t make much difference. Or at all. Now I pretty much break almost all of the rules of cbti, like napping, not getting out of bed when not asleep, fidgeting with my phone in bed and I still sleep pretty well! I guess it’s because I’m super relaxed about my bedtime routine. There is no pressure to sleep and that’s why I sleep. When you finish your cbti, this is what everyone should be doing. When there are no rigid rules or pressure, sleep comes easier. Don’t chase sleep, let it chase you. Good luck!
Isn’t it a bit weird to define total recovery that way? Because isn’t sleeping the main objective here? So why wouldn’t it be normal for people to think about the very act that they are going to be engaging in?
If suppose you allow yourself to think about sleep before bed, how that journey had been for you, with its ups and downs, and not try to penalize, judge or blame yourself for doing something that’s completely normal for someone who’s been through a traumatic experience, wouldn’t that be more liberating? Good luck!
Hello! What does 100% full recovery mean to you? And how many % recovered do you think you are now? What would do you differently in your daily life if you are fully recovered? Will there be much difference from your present life, if at all?
If the difference is miniscule, is achieving total recovery really that important now? Have a deep thought about this. Good luck!
Hello! How long did you try this? Don’t expect results immediately or in days, in fact some people won’t even see results in weeks and a majority of people would have some sort of relapse along the way.
If you approach cbti as a sleep “generator tool” to sleep more and wake up less, you will have limited success and get somewhere 4-5 hours on average. But after doing cbti “resets” your clock and you begin trusting your own body again and no longer fret over having poor sleep on ANY night, you will do quite well indeed! You won’t be talking or thinking your poor night at all because you just know whatever sleep you are lacking now you will get it all back in due course.
Hello!
I’m by no means an expert on this. The only other possibility when you can’t sleep when you aren’t overly anxious is because you just aren’t sleepy. Your body doesn’t need to sleep at that time. Aka you’re adequately rested. It’s that simple. Don’t spend too much time overthinking sleep. As a recovered person, I’m telling you upfront it’s just not worth it and a complete waste of time and effort. Your body knows how to sleep, those 6-8 nights of sleep (or 3-4 at your worst) are a testament to this. What more does your body need to do to prove to you that your sleep isn’t broken? Have a cry over it one last time and then resolve to no longer shed a tear or waste one more minute on it. Regular bed-timing and not setting any expectation of sleep is all you’ll ever need. The rest is up to your body.Plenty of people have got over this. Most have recovered when they did and worried less, but doing nothing and learning to desensitize yourself is the best remedy. I am no longer losing sleep over sleep, I’m sure most recovered people are just like me. It just doesn’t bother us anymore no matter how bad our sleep gets.
Think of it like this: When there’s a heavy thunderstorm outside, do you go out, shout at the top of your lungs, shake your fists and try to punch every rain drop? Or do you just stay inside and wait it out? All storms will pass. It’s pointless to fight and change something beyond your control. Good luck!
Hello and welcome to this forum!
Pls read this thread, there’s a lot of tips and wonderful advice from Cindy:
Sleep isn’t the cure! The key is being okay with everything, including not being okay because you are getting really uncomfortable now. It is accepting whatever difficult situation you find yourself in and truly mean it, not pretending because somebody said so.
Like cindy says, the key to getting out of insomnia isn’t more sleep, it’s actually having more insomnia paradoxically! Because each difficult episode gives you the perfect opportunity to practice desensitization. With the correct mindset, those episodes lay the groundwork and gives you the fortitude to deal with future episodes with greater indifference. This won’t go away overnight, in a week, a month or whatever. There’s technically no time frame when your sensitivity to insomnia ends. It frequently just happens without your realizing it because your concept of sleep or how bad you are at it truly doesn’t matter anymore.
Good luck! Have the mental strength and courage to keep learning. Having insomnia is a great learning experience, you will learn much more about your life from it than just sleep alone.
Hello and welcome to this forum!
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through and I am no expert. You are taking simple nothings and mundane things way too seriously! And this is often the cause of suffering. People are taking what’s going on in their lives too seriously. Essentially what is suffering in life? It is simply because you want things done your way, you get obsessive and you want to be in control of everything, all the time. When things deviate or you don’t get what you want, which invariably happen, you take it too personally and get too upset over them. Even things you have no control over. Like sleep, your dog licking its feet or being in an accident in which you weren’t driving, years ago!
I can’t speak about other things. But sleep is something nobody has any control over. Ever. Even when it seems like you do. Sleep is a core biological process that happens or accumulates after being awake long enough. It’s like being hungry after being starved for a long time. It’s as simple as that! There’s nothing complex about it. So it’s futile to attempt to conquer it, via meds or other things. All those things you do never really affect sleep, your body is in total control all the time, and it decides when you fall asleep or how much you actually get. It was your own body that made you sleep this whole time, not those meds! When you do something to sleep, the results are often mixed because there is really no connection whatsoever and whatever outcome you get is just by random chance.
The kind of personality you are is often a factor. Try to practice letting go bit by bit everyday. The world and the people around you will still go on despite you not doing the things the way you want them. So it’s really not a big deal! Don’t judge everything especially your sleep. Be okay with whatever you get. Just get in and out of bed at regular times. You may want to discuss with your doctor how to taper off those meds. If you watch Martin’s YT videos, there was a lady who had insomnia for over 60 years, took sleeping meds almost all her life only to discover her natural sleeping ability is always there the whole time, via CBT-i. Whatever connection you make between your sleep and taking meds exist only inside your head, these connections aren’t real or reflect reality. Good luck!
Hello!
Oh yes we’ve all been there, done that. So what I would like to say is the real recovery isn’t all about sleeping ‘perfectly’ every night. It is about accepting situations in life that compels you to explore outside of your ‘comfort zone’ and truly see what it’s all about.
It is also about completely giving up control. Truly recovered people hardly ever try to control their sleeping environment anymore, thereby accepting that some kind of sleep disruption is likely to happen and being okay with that. It is not running away from the problem anymore, but braving yourself to face your biggest fear then ultimately realizing that these events are completely neutral and have neither material nor long-lasting impact on your ability to sleep.
What I would like to encourage you to do is to openly see this as challenge and learning opportunity. Be completely honest and open-minded about it instead of doomsaying your situation. It may not turn out quite as you expected. You can always remind yourself that you could still go back to your ‘perfect sleeping environment’ once everything is over, so it’s not a big deal after all! Good luck!
LOL. No, you are completely mistaken because your sleep system is way more robust than you think. If the thalamus or whatever you think is controlling sleep was so easily damaged, we’d encounter many more cases of severe insomnia, severe sleep deprivation and way more deaths than we actually see. Think about this for a moment. At any time about 30% of people claim to suffer from some sort of sleep deprivation or insomnia of varying degrees. If the consequences were so severe and untreatable, surely billions of people would be dead by now! All the morgues would be full of corpses of people who just couldn’t sleep. 30% of a 7 billion world population is approximately 2.1 billion. Yet how many deaths do we see are attributed to insomnia, sleep deprivation, “sleep damaged” or anything even remotely related to sleep? Practically none! If the real life figures don’t add up, then the underlying notion can’t be true! Your mind is playing tricks with you and making you believe nonsense with absolutely no evidence to back it up. Rigorously question all your unhelpful thoughts and challenge the rationale behind it. Put them to the test from different angles and see if the real life results are what you expect to see. Most of the time, they don’t! Don’t be so gullible to believe every ‘lie’ your brain is telling you. Make it a habit to be naturally skeptical and most people do get better at spotting the falsehoods over time.
You are trying too hard to sleep and using cbti as a sleep generator instead of as just a temporary crutch. Nobody is saying once you are seemingly ‘cured’ after having a stretch of consistently good nights, that your insomnia never returns and you can always expect to get 6,7 or whatever hours of sleep every single night regardless of circumstances. Well sleep doesn’t work that way. The real recovery is being okay with ANY kind of sleep. It is doing absolutely nothing (including cbti) and having no expectations. It means foregoing all the goal setting and troubleshooting. It is leaving sleep entirely up to your body.
Hello @tiredmom
I believe you must have derived a lot of lessons and learning points from Cindy’s inspirational posts. Well, if you have to ask, then technically you are still resisting. It truly doesn’t matter what other people did about their dilemma or how they stopped resisting. It is more about finding your own way to do this in line with your own circumstances and your own values. When you are no longer resisting, you have nothing more to ask or the answers that you seek just aren’t important anymore. Because they change nothing! You just accept whatever nights you get and whatever consequences from a perceived lack of sleep. As Cindy has said herself, she still sometimes feels tired from 8 hours of sleep but could feel energized from just 5. Numbers aren’t important. The quality of sleep may influence how you feel but this is technically out of your control. Nobody gets to dictate how and what kind of sleep they must get. Why would you anyway? Sleep truly doesn’t define who you are, what you can do during the day or the kind of mum you aspire to be. Good luck and best wishes to you.
I can fully understand what you are going through as I’ve been through it myself. Perhaps a mindset reset is what you need. Avoidance isn’t going to get you very far, tolerance will. Be willing to tolerate some poor sleep and setbacks. Be okay with wakefulness of any sort and at anytime. It may also mean tolerating the consequences of any perceived poor sleep. It is being okay with ANY KIND of sleep. Sleep truly doesn’t define who you are or what you are capable of.
Being on this forum for ages, I can kinda tell how people will fare from their literature. People who eventually recover are often the ones who disappear away quietly. They stop asking questions, complaining and talking about their issues. On the contrary, those who keep coming back are the ones with the most issues. They keep sweating the small stuff, keep getting caught up in technicalities, keep asking what to do or how to do the perfect cbti, and just seem to can’t let it go. The real recovery is really the correct mindset and also to some extent, your personality. Good luck!
Hi Whitney
If you are going on a vacation, then do exactly that! That means enjoying yourself first and leaving everything that is stressful to you behind. Isn’t that what vacations are supposed to be for? Try to approach the issue from as much of a normal human being as you can when you find yourself questioning what to do. Try to recall what you did under similar circumstances before you had insomnia. Then do exactly that! Because that is always your real personality before all this happened. You can always return to doing cbti after the trip. But right now, get your priorities in order and enjoy the vacation first. Don’t worry about setbacks, they will sort themselves out eventually.
As a recovered insomniac, I am telling obsessing with doing cbti to the T is not helpful. Cutting yourself some slacks here and there is okay, your progress will not be hampered by very much. Don’t treat cbti like a chore that must be diligently and religiously followed in order to sleep well. Because it’s not! Sleeping well comes from doing nothing and expecting nothing. Constant striving for perfection is what tires most people out and leaves them frustrated. Don’t fall into this trap! The real recovery is the realization that there’s nothing you can actually do for sleep, so you stop chasing the issue any further because it becomes pointless and meaningless. Sleep happens all on its own without any active intervention required from you. Good luck and I hope you have a great time!
