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How nice it would be if we could control every aspect of our life, isn’t it?
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. You cannot control when your body decides to wake up in the same way you can’t control how your stomach digests the food you’ve eaten!
Perception is key to everything. Anyone can stay miserable all day simply because they can’t control everything to perfection. Or you can adapt to an everchanging world, taking refuge that there’s actually perfection in an imperfect world because the constant changes make learning and striving for betterment possible. Variety is indeed the spice of what would otherwise be a monotonous, and boring life.
Keep on striving until the end.
Hey Robb
Stop obsessing over sleep.
Stop protecting it.Try not to talk about sleep all the time. Try to live mindfully. Most of the fears about lack of sleep haven’t really happened. Take for example, this chap talked about forgetting his kids’ names. So has he really forgotten them?? I have yet to meet anyone thinking xyz are going to happen if they don’t get a set amount of sleep and xyz happened. Crashing a car, dropping dead, or whatever. Those “what ifs” almost never happen. They invariably are always about the future. Well, you don’t live in the future yet. There’s only the now and you can’t change the past either. So try not to dwell on the past, focus on the present, acknowledge the future but keep bearing in mind, you can’t always control future outcomes either. You can’t really control anything, really, to be honest. Take it one step at a time. You are only human, so you cannot control each and everything.
Did you take benzos as a kid? What about sleeping pills? In fact did you worry about sleep as a baby, at all?? How come all of a sudden, they’re all needed now either? Has your body “forgotten” how to sleep? Challenge that notion. Because in a similar sense, can you really forget how to breathe? Or eat? Walk? Run? Pee? Why do your body or its organs need all this “reminding” now about how to sleep? And it needs pills to “jolt” its memory every single night? How absurd is that.
If I was back to the worst days of my insomnia here’s what I would do:
1. Set regular times for bed. Spend at least 6 hours in bed but not more than 8.
2. Then spend an hour or two after waking up to feel whatever. Fear, joy, anxiety, dread, guilt, regret or whatever. Acknowledge anything, nothing’s off limits. You can write them down if you want. When the time’s up, get on with your day. No more obsessing or talking about sleep. Focus on your chores or errands. Whenever you feel fear or dread, remind yourself that the time for sleep related thoughts has passed, so you need to wait until the next morning. Then refocus back on your tasks.Rinse and repeat every single day, aka mindful living. Because there is a time for everything and everything is given a chance to express itself. Don’t push your negative notions about insomnia away either. Give them some space to express themselves until such time you are convinced that they’re no longer important or relevant in your life.
If you find yourself unable to doze off during your bedtime, just do what you did before your insomnia. Did you get up or just lay in bed? Then do exactly that. Always try to revert to your old self as much as possible as this is a good baseline to work on. You always want to get back to that state where the occasional insomnia isn’t given much thought or attention. Good luck.
Hi Colibri,
I was a graduate of Martin. Check under my handle, chee2308, because it says client.
I know exactly what I went through to know what exactly you are going through now. So I know what you are talking about in your long posts.
But anyways, my sleep problems have long gone and honestly, these problems aren’t mine anymore, so to speak, therefore I don’t really to need to respond at all and I have resisted doing this because I was waiting to see what others would say and also, to see what Martin’s reply is but I am not seeing anyone saying anything that’s truly helpful at all and I felt like I had to step in and tell you what you are doing incorrectly because I am trying to tell you what you need to do to get out of it.
Unfortunately, I can’t help anyone who refuse to accept honest advice. So I will stop responding if you can’t find my advice helpful. Good luck to you and I wish you well.
Hi guys,
May I quip in for a bit? I am a recovered insomniac since 2020 and I sleep absolutely wonderfully and peacefully now.
Have you tried doing nothing for a change? Except getting into and out of bed at regular times. That’s it. The absolute bare minimum. Everything else is just noise. What you are really dealing with is just noise inside your head and it keeps prompting you to do this and that, take benzos, take pills, do relaxation exercises, drink “sleepy” teas and the list goes on and on and on. All that will not help if you don’t address the big elephant in the room: the fear of poor sleep. Living in fear all the time simply because you think you can’t sleep well. It is essentially losing sleep over sleep itself. To get out of this mess, you will need to stop fearing it. Yes, you will sleep bad on some nights but so what’s the big deal?? Make yourself confront the scenario.
You will need to start making light of your insomnia. Be creative. Doing this will decrease the impact your own thoughts have on you. Because all this is essentially self fear-mongering. You are literally frightening yourself awake. If you choose to keep engaging in endless mind battles, you will always get stuck in it. Go the other way. Stop engaging and stop bothering about it. Do it slowly and everything will settle down.
Make fun of insomnia. Be satirical about it. That will lessen the grip it has over you. When I can’t sleep, I make poems about it too:
Night’s dark canvas, stars up high
My mind’s a mess, can’t deny
The thoughts they swirl, like a restless sea
As I lie here, wide-eyed and freeHello and welcome to the forum!
Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong answer to your query. It all depends on you.
With that said, insomnia is strictly not a medical problem, it is more of a perception issue and more closely mimics a phobia problem. You simply just have an aversion of poor sleep. Phobias are not cured by taking anything external, it is an internal issue, because it’s all mental. Whatever you need to treat yourself, you already have it all inside you.
You also said it yourself, you want to sleep naturally, so you already believe the issue is internal not external. Would you continue to take medicine for a condition you never believed you have? If you don’t have flu, would you take anti-flu medication? Or if you don’t believe you have cancer, why would you start doing chemo and take all kinds of anti-cancer drugs, believing they all “work” in keeping cancer away?? The scenario doesn’t make any sense. If you never needed any medicine to sleep when you were born, why would you suddenly need them all now either? What actually made you sleep all these years including when you were a baby? All those drugs or your body itself?
Whatever you do to try to sleep automatically reinforces your insomnia. Because they keep you living in fear of poor sleep. That kind of stress is mentally stimulating enough to keep you awake. You must overcome these fears if you want to beat insomnia. Good luck and best wishes.
In my experience, the trick is tricking the brain into thinking insomnia is not a problem. Not sleeping well temporarily isn’t a problem. Everyone has insomnia. You too must have had insomnia countless times when you were young as a child. But you never thought there was a problem then. So how come has your mind suddenly thought there’s a problem now? So what changed? And what didn’t change? You have to find out the answers yourself. This is battle often fought alone. We can only provide some advice and guidance here but ultimately, it will be up to you how you approach the issue.
Trying to fix insomnia will never fix it, you only get stuck in a endless battle ending with perpetual dissatisfaction over it. You have to not fix it because trying to fix the problem actually becomes the problem itself. Leave insomnia alone until it leaves you alone. Essentially, what insomnia actually is losing some sleep over sleep. So how to stop this? Well, don’t worry about sleep. That’s when everything starts calming down and things start getting better.
Good luck.
Hello and welcome.
So what are you worried about? Isn’t falling asleep what you want?So why does an adrenaline rush happen when you’re trying to make that happen anyways? Does that make any sense?
I think you really need to engage more deeply with yourself on the matter. Find out what you are truly afraid of. What’s the worst that can happen if you can’t fall asleep anyways? Entertain that outcome. Don’t push it away or try to avoid it. Avoiding doesn’t help you overcome your fears. It just makes them worse.
Once the fear of not sleeping well and/or its consequences are taken care of, then perhaps sleep will happen more easily. Sleep is only more likely to happen in a calm and relaxed state of mind and body. Worry and fear won’t help in any way, but they only make it worse so it’s neither productive nor reasonable to live in a constant state of panic and fear all the time without addressing them proactively and adequately.
Best wishes to you and I hope you find your calm and peace soon.
Philosophically, what is the difference between an unfixable problem and not a problem? Take for example, everyone’s impending mortality. Yes, everyone doesn’t like it but what can they really do about it other getting on with their lives at the end of the day? Or should they become perpetually sad and miserable over something they have very little control over? It becomes a matter of perspective.
Stop being petty. Especially when it comes to sleep. You only get disappointed and perpetually dissatisfied in the end.
Hello and welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling. If you think you have ptsd, perhaps you should consult a qualified professional for a more professional evaluation. Because nothing here constitute medical advice.
Unfortunately, the sleeping part is a normal biological and physiological process that your body usually takes care of by itself. The only advice to sleep better is actually very simple. Go to bed at regular hours. Keep your bedroom comfortable and conducive for sleeping. Learn to destress and try doing enjoyable and relaxing activities before bed. Then leave the rest to your body. Of course, keeping a positive and optimistic attitude helps. Good luck and I wish you well.
There is resistance because you still see there’s a problem. The problem exists because your mind defines it. Simply saying you are accepting it isn’t enough. Because being convinced that there’s actually no problem is another entirely different matter.
“I still wake up at x or y o’clock” – you automatically define it’s a problem waking at x or y, and you will continue to struggle indefinitely because you will keep waking up at whatever time, as this is a normal physiological component of sleeping.
If you can forget there’s a problem, your insomnia will disappear. That’s the weirdest thing about insomnia. When you don’t define or identify with it, it’s no longer there.
Hello and welcome to the forum.
Learning to let go is very important. Keep the focus, not on sleep, but on life. Sleep isn’t everything because it doesn’t define who you are or what you are truly capable of.
Good luck and best wishes to you.
I think for many, acceptance feels hard because of the trying. Or the focusing. That’s telling because you still want to avoid the discomfort of being “forced” to be up as your body just isn’t giving you the desired result, which is sleeping.
It should feel effortless. The focus should not be about trying to sleep but that activity that you are doing, which you said was reading. For example, sometimes when I’m finding it a bit harder to doze off, I would reach out to my phone, which I always keep by my bedside, and go on the internet to browse, shop, watch youtube, check my trading account, or whatever while in bed. Then when I’m done, which can be anywhere between 15 mins or hours later, I would put my phone back down and go back to sleep with a smile.
There is no rush to get back to sleep or try to escape the discomfort of not sleeping, but I am up because I am truly enjoying the activities. I don’t make enemies with insomnia, so I think therein lies the difference. Mindset is the key the everything and it will take time to develop but your inherent personality will play a significant role as well. I wish you the best.
In due course, the answers to any questions you have now will be defunct because the questions themselves have become irrelevant and obsolete.
I encourage you to experience insomnia as a complete set. Embrace the good and the bad. Reserve any questions and judgments until later. Because when reading your post, what I am sensing is this rush to find fast answers and a frenzy to find a quick cure and exit. Don’t do this. Be patient. Good luck and best wishes.
I don’t feel nervous now. In the past, a bit, yes. But since then that I’ve grown out of those fears. It’s like a child has outgrown his fear of monsters in the closet.
Maybe the following scenarios help explain myself better:
Scenario 1. People who sleep well because they have not experienced any problem and therefore they don’t think anything is wrong.
Scenario 2. People who sleep well now but have had problems in the past and are now aware of potential “problems” but they also know these are not real problems and therefore they do nothing and don’t worry about it.
Well, before 2020, I belong to 1. After my recovery, I am now 2. But the sleep is still exactly the same.
Hey,
Saying you are in acceptance is not the same as being convinced. I wish words alone can convince you but that’s not how it works. You only become convinced from more experience and not just reading stuff on forums like this. This usually means:
1. Having more insomnia to beat insomnia. Each episode only increases your resilience.
2. More insomnia = less sleep = more sleep drive = more sleep = less sleep drive = more insomnia and so on. The cycle repeats until you truly see the really picture. The experiences gained will come in handy to handle sleeplessness as it happens. Insomnia will only start getting less frequent and milder the less you fear it or try to make a huge fuss out of it everytime.Best wishes.
