Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hello @Janie
Thank you for your kind words. I may come across as irritating sometimes when I tell people the honest truth that their problem is almost always just an illusion. It is your mind playing tricks on you. Don’t waste any time figuring this out. Because it is just not worth it, as your body knows what it’s doing and it just cannot do it wrong. If your sleep was broken, there will be ZERO sleep ALL the time, not 2, 3, 4, 5 or whatever hours it is almost always getting. So the fact you are always getting some sleep and that doing srt or stimulus control involves nothing external, whatever you need to do to sleep is already internal inside you, you are not getting good amounts it because you have essentially been caught up in this self-inducing and self-perpetuating hoax perpetrated by your own mind.
There is almost nothing physical you can do about sleep except generating sufficient wakefulness by staying awake that induces sufficient sleepiness. That’s all there is to it. Since the problem is psychological, adopting a mental or philosophical approach is more appropriate in my opinion. Stop running away or fearing it. The world of insomnia is full of paradoxes. Examples include:
1. Doing less is more.
2. Having more insomnia to beat insomnia. Because more insomnia automatically = less time sleeping = more time awake = more wakefulness = more sleep drive = more likely to sleep. And the converse is true as well. It is cycle that repeats itself all over again and insomnia + good sleep are both stuck on opposite sides of the same coin. To achieve great sleep again, you need to have a bit of insomnia and so forth.So when you ask me, how do I achieve the calm wise step, I would say, when you know what psychophysiological insomnia is all about, that would be the most natural step to take. Because you can’t do anything physical about it and neither does worrying about it makes it any better either. In fact, it can make it worse. So just sit back, relax and let your body do its job.
A clear mind is everyone’s common origin. When we were young, we never thought about sleep. It just happened and we never worried about it. Unfortunately, where we’ve stumbled is because we are constantly bombarded by all that noise telling us what to do and what to expect and we constantly aspire to reach those expectations. In sleep, doing less is more. Doing nothing is the best.
Go back to basics. Go back to being the child you once were. Because ignorance is truly bliss. There’s no problem if you never thought there was one.
Hi Lemon! The words “will recover” still suggests an element of elusiveness. It infers there is much to do, it suggests something to achieve. To recover, you must think not of “will” but actually you are already there, you have actually already “recovered” because there never was a problem to fix in the first place! You just think that there is. If you can forget you have a problem, your insomnia will disappear. If you can forget about it, it’s no longer there. That’s the weirdest thing about insomnia.
Actually, your body doesn’t need to fix its sleep. It’s already always there. It’s you who need to fix your thoughts about it. Mindset is key. And effortless is the strategy. Best wishes zzz..
Hello lemon!
I can feel happy or sad without insomnia either way 😂. So it may have nothing to do with sleep at all. Human beings are full of emotions, and emotions are like a roller coaster. Maybe you are just bored? Tired of doing the same thing repetitively?
Understand that changes are relentless. You may be happy or sad today, but all that is always subject to change. Same like insomnia. You may sleep bad on some nights but because change is possible, you will do better on other nights. There’s always ups and downs, as in life.
Having a bad night is not a setback, it is actually a test. Of how well you respond to bad sleep. Your response determines the trajectory of your recovery. And that’s all there is to it, really. It applies both to sleep and to life, in general. Best wishes.
It is okay to think about sleep during the day. It is when you think it’s wrong or not okay to think about sleep that you become conflicted. Yes, I was like that during my recovery. Give yourself permission to think about it. Just know where your limit is. Don’t let those obsessions translate into unproductive action. Actions like sleeping longer, going to bed earlier, taking newer medications in an effort to change it, or other similar things, we call them sleep efforts.
Yes, think about sleep anytime but just stay put at what you are already doing. Continue doing basic sleep hygiene like regular bedtimes, winding down before bed and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment. Stay away from those things like “what if I do this new thing or that… What happens to my sleep, will it be better?” Don’t. Don’t give your brain a chance to “try” things. It’s these kinds of mind games that keep you stuck. Avoid the guessing because that is mentally stimulating enough to keep you from sleeping!
Eventually, once you allow yourself to think about sleep, your mind will just give up on its own. It will go, “Hey there’s nothing going on here, I’m moving on”. On the contrary, the more you restrict your brain, the more it wants to go there! And because you are not allowing it, it becomes a daily mental struggle.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
Hello Amanda!
The final step is going cold turkey. Everything you learn about sleep goes out the window. Return to basics. Going to bed when sleepy. But that automatically means sleeping less which actually builds and strengthens sleep drive, and that makes sleeping much more likely to happen not less.
Think of it like this. Do you obsess over your own breathing? Or your heart pumping? Why won’t you start worrying if your body has somehow forgotten how to do the basics? This is exactly what you are doing about your sleep. You doubt your own body can’t do it automatically, or your organs have suddenly all forgotten how to do their jobs and now need all these pills to “refresh” its “memory”. How absurd is that.
Take the leap of faith. Stop doing anything for sleep. Stop being overprotective of it, what you are doing is actually reinforcing your insomnia. Going to bed at regular times is all you need, nothing else.
If your body wants to sleep, it will sleep. For example, if you starve for days, will your body suddenly refuse to eat when a table of scrumptious dishes is laid before it? Of course not. Similarly, your body won’t refuse to sleep on a comfortable bed if it is really starved of it! It is as simple as that. Stop making it complicated. Confront your fears head on and stop running away from it. Sleep is actually that simple and EFFORTLESS. Good luck.
Hello @neleh72!
Thank you for your question. I do recommend you to go to you-tube and look up this video “Talking Insomnia #39” about an interview between Daniel and Sasha Stephens, a 15 year and now recovered insomniac.
I do not wish to speak at length because I think I have spoken quite enough from my interactions with @etty. But I will repeat that most insomnia has an mental origin and therefore require mental response. My key advice would be:
1. Try to do NOTHING about it except keeping to a regular bedtime schedule. Because there is nothing to fix.
2. Be very patient and expect ups and downs. Give it all the time you need for everything to settle down.You are your own worst enemy when it comes to your insomnia. You are getting in the way of peaceful sleep, by doing all kinds things for sleep or at the very least, plainly becoming afraid. But that fear is conditioned and you can slowly learn to “unfear” it. I wish you the best.
Hey yeah, so I went through your post history.
Your story does ring a bell because it is so similar to mine and practically everyone else’s who have been through this journey.
Waking up earlier than you desire is an extremely common symptom of, well, sleeping well and recovery. Like I said, it happened to me also. So I started letting go, and my go to bed time got dragged out to later as well. Because I was sleeping so well, my body was needing less and less of it! So naturally, I went to bed later once I stopped doing the srt thing and I wasn’t feeling sleepy anytime before midnight. Because I was sleeping later, my wakeup time got dragged out to later as well. So now I have a super relaxed sleep schedule, I go to bed anytime between midnight and 1am, and get out anytime between 7-8am. Just lose the tracking and the whole thing will settle down by itself.
The final step of the way is truly and totally letting go. Maybe you don’t need to do anything at all. Your body just doesn’t need to sleep until 7-8 am or whatever time you have set it. For me, I always woke up at 4-5 am early in my recovery journey, now, I can barely get out at 8 or 9! That problem totally solved itself once I ignored it.
Hi @buddy370
Welcome to the club! If you would allow me to share my input, I would say recovery is really only a matter of perspective. Once you stop defining what is “good” or “bad” sleep based on whatever definitions you have come to set yourself, that sleep is just sleep, there’s just no good or bad, then technically you have recovered literally overnight.
Unfortunately, it is not that straightforward for many people. There will be emotional hurdles and setbacks. Your conditioned mind will keep plaguing you with all kinds of things. You will need to learn how respond to them, to make light of them, reframing unhelpful and unhealthy thoughts, and eventually totally ignore them altogether, which require a bit of time. Good luck.
I also might want to add that when I was doing srt with martin, it was at the height of the covid pandemic! So it was much worse for me and others in the same plight cos not only we had to contend with our own deeply seated fears, we also had to deal with a massive public health crisis where fear of contagion and deaths were happening everywhere. There was a public curfew in place and hospital visits to see healthcare professionals were severely curtailed. But that didn’t stop me from recovering, did it? Nope. It’s not fair that you are accusing me of pointless rambling. When I’m trying to tell you what you need to know to beat this thing! Cos I’ve been there, and done it all and I know what it’s all about.
No, there you made a mistake. I signed up for Martin’s course back in 2020. I did the full 8 week sleep restriction thing. I still kept my sleep journals but since thrown them away, cos they don’t really matter when I’ve moved on way beyond. Look under my handle chee2308, it says client. Yours doesn’t so I’m not sure what kind of sleep restriction are you doing or whether it’s supervised by any qualified therapist. But like I said, these are not important in the long run.
Following a plan like sleep restriction to the tee does not and will not guarantee results. I still had bad nights when I was doing it, still did even after I graduated and even now, I still have them very occasionally, although I can’t really remember when was my last. But as I said, I don’t care how I sleep anymore and that’s why I keep sleeping so well! I regularly do 7-9 hours night, I even nap occasionally. So I know what I’m talking about and if you read those testimonials of people who have succeeded in overcoming their insomnia, adoption of a nonchallant and indifferent trait is very often a crucial factor for success. It will be for you too if you want to overcome this. You will need to get out of your comfort zone, reexamine everything, experiment what seems uncomfortable or unnatural to you at first. Only then will you begin to chip away years and decades of die-hard, erroneous sleep beliefs that are not only unhelpful but are extremely destructive behaviors that actually reinforce your insomnia. I wish you the best.
If you truly understand that sleep is uncontrollable, in fact, you won’t be asking any questions at all, because what is there to ask? Your sleep has a life of its own, independent of what you do, think or ask.
The fact you are asking only mean two things. You are still afraid (of poor sleep), so yes, you will most likely continue to suffer from sporadic bouts of insomnia as long as there’s fear. And yes, you want that 15mins. So go ahead, take the 15mins and be done with it. Forget about any repercussions or consequences, because as you already understood, you CAN’T control sleep. Be brave. Take it and see what happens. If you manage to get more sleep, good. If you don’t, you can always roll it back, no big deal.
Hello @etty
It is always the obsession over the smallest detail that causes the greatest misery. If your sleep efficiency was 84.999% should you take that extra 15mins or not? Your mind will continue to plague you with these types of “dilemmas”. And once one is resolved, another one crops up and another and another and so on to infinitum. It’s a never ending struggle and if you continue to play these kinds of mental games with your own brain, you will continue to suffer needlessly.
The best sleep is that which have ZERO restrictions. No longer obsessing over quantity, quality, duration, sleep restriction, sleep efficiency or whatever kind of jargon you or the so called sleep experts come up with. Go back to your original self. When you did not have insomnia, were you overly obsessed with these things? It may have been a long time ago, but always try to repeat what you did pre-insomnia. Did you do sleep restriction? Did you keep a sleep diary and take a tally? Did you have a strict sleep bedtime schedule? Did you do all kinds of sleep rituals? Did you take meds? Etc etc etc. In probably ALL these cases, NO. By introducing unnecessary hurdles like these, you only set yourself up for unnecessary disappointments when you fail to achieve any or all of them, which is completely natural because they are too restrictive!
Like I said, forget all the RULES. That’s the end goal of sleep restriction. The real victory is not sleeping well forever, it is in banishing the fear of poor sleep, that’s when people truly sleep really well. It is when you completely flip the problem on itself that you truly get over your insomnia. Good luck.
