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Yes -I understand. I had a sudden bad one again last night after a better week though I managed to pull it back on track -just. Have you tried journalling when you can’t sleep? Just writing down all your thoughts, feelings & worries on it…I’ve also started doing the EFT Tapping thing? Really helps. It’s like I have to go and do something, clear something before I can go back to sleep. So glad it’s improving a bit, hang in there 🙂
Hi Pam -did send a post yesterday but don’t think it took. Hope things picked up ? They will…..I think it’s about mastering our state of mind. I’m so sorry and I completely understand, we all do….It’s hell I know. You will get through, you will cope and you will turn it around more and more until you are stronger than it and you are relaxed again -Lucy
I’m so sorry you lost your best friend. I have a dear friend and soul mate who helps me fantastically through my problems….He is now in his 70’s though and I worry -I cannot begin to imagine life without him. Is there something of a spiritual nature you could do to raise your feeling of connection with him and ease your stress and sleep? My Dad died recently and I keep a little table with his picture, candles, his watch, angel figurines etc. It really helps….just to sit there, say hello in passing etc. I also find journalling -about the sleep and all our feelings, experiences, worries and thoughts on it- extremely helpful -I really recommend this, helps to offload, express and feel more in charge. All best….
Hi Lisa. I too will be doing the CBTi -at local sleep clinic -my appointment is five months away though!!! They are ‘busier than ever’… I wonder how it’ll go, whether it’ll be another short term solution my personal demon or whatever the hell it is -will over-ride. It’s supposed to be the ‘gold standard’ in the sleep solution though and should give us long-term mind skills. I think the key thing is us gradually winning our personal battles over the fear of it -at least in my case. But sort of forced ‘living in the present’ is very hard, I think it has to be a very gradual built-in procedure that we really believe is ours. Good luck -all my empathy -let us know how it goes x
Thank you Hopeful. I am hopeful too, despite it all…. Have replied to your post too….
Dear Hopeful, first of all thanks for replying to my post -it means SO much that we are not alone doesn’t it….So I looked for your posts straight away and found you here.
This sounds horrific too. And I relate to so much. Ive also had it v bad recently, since the end of August infact. It got so bad I felt I was blacking out in town & had to get home fast -plus also twice at work I had to leave & compose myself -somehow. This triggered my anxiety so bad I feared I would lose the ability to do simple out-there things such as shop, work, take the bus -agoraphobia basically -wch I did have many yrs ago. The sleep dep was so bad it merged with the world of panic attack. Luckily I managed to do some quick exposure therapy with good friends so it didn’t spread to a problem beyond the bloody sleep thing. Yours came the other way round this time -the panic attack first -either way I think they are linked.
My sleep’s been up & down, mainly down. I used to go whole nights -nothing… in a row. Lately it’s been little bits, an hour or so of sleep but it’s creeping up…:)….It goes in different patterns doesn’t it? The main agony is the waking self up bit, at the start of sleep. It meant so much that you understand this, I usually feel so alone and absurd when I try & explain it.
I too have come to know only I can save me. I got clear for 3 yrs & made great progress in my life & confidence. Then it crept back…And I realised although they were good, I was relying on the antidepressants I’d finally gone on after yrs of anxiety & insomnia, and that the fear was bigger & only I could cure it. How? It’s getting that state of mind right in the first place -that state of centre and ease and trust. I’m starting to work with this -whatever it takes but it can be V V hard (the long set habit & the FEAR)
I also work in cleaning but not as boss! I’ve bn v stressed about packing one job in due to the sleep & workload. I love the ppl I work for & hate letting ppl down. Now I also do support work on mental health inpatient ward – I seriously feel it is v unlikely you would end up there….Though I completely understand. Plus the fear of stroke or death or something!!! I absolutely avoid reading anything where they talk about the ‘serious health risks’! Last thing I need.
I do have hope despite all this. And that we will come out pretty much fearless & at ease with ourselves and life (those of us where its psychological)….Yes have considered hypnosis, down for sleep clinic CBT -LONG wait list….Trying to heal self at moment……The habit of fear….You WILL NOT die & you WILL get in a better phase soon + when we get a good sleep phase again our bodies do alot of recovery x x x
-but also to say oh bloody yes!! those ones that have zero insight and sympathy -for me they can trigger the situation even worse… That feeling of pressure to ‘snap out of it’s to ‘not be so ridiculous’…..Sometimes key figures say this, like my father-in-law at Christmas time (wch in-law visit-wise is a huge social-phobia/insomnia trigger for me) has NO insight into the stress that can take down a mind -he’s an ex-sergent major & does not even have any sympathy even for combat PTSD!!!!! (He has a V loud voice & in a way terrifies me) I, from my own childhood traumas have long lived with social anxiety & insomnia…..And these sort of people with zero sensitivity push up my pressure gauge & yes I want to say fk-em …and HAVE become so much more bold -even when crazily sleep deprived – but then give me the night and the blind fear reigns…. unless I can bring on a different state of mind, an attitude BEFORE the insomnia kicks in -but this, unless already there, is V difficult to switch over to……But honestly -we are the empathetic ones bcos wev lived thru this….Luckily my job is all about empathy….Thank God xx
Hello Dear Friends, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. Chris with the six nights -I’ve been there (3×). It is a rollercoaster though -u will /by now -have had some again..?… And the ‘rest of the world’ – even the way they turn their heads -quickly without pain (I watch them from another dead bus journey to work..) the way they use their faces, their expressions & eye contact. All of that has ceased for me with heavy duty sleep dep – I minimise painfully every move -feeling alone, ashamed, freakish…And of course in a lot of pain.
But actually when I open up to some ppl about it -they do say – my God this has started happening to me -Im too tired to walk up the stairs….Who knows what the hell they’re going through. I mean this brave face world thing hides a multitude of anxieties and pain and more and more folk struggling to sleep. Such devastation though, insomnia. Makes everyday an endurance test from hell. And the fear it can bring – I do live in hope though!!
Martin thanks so for reply -will respond when less tired & some some clear time to explain it – bit of a complicated history on it :0
Hello dear Hols – I have the same but mine is definitely a brain/psychological interference -its like I’m monitoring myself falling asleep and my defense-system interrupts. I don’t know how similar this is but the jerking awake is horrendous and I strongly empathise x and yes, not much out there about this type of insomnia – I’d do anything for the other -I can fall asleep usually no problem, it’s the quick and brutal interruption that create such lasting pain and fear of more……
