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Thanks for the post. Indeed, life happens. But it sounds like you have a good perspective on it. In that, its life. Be kind to yourself. I am remembering what you wrote in an earlier post, dont be suprised when it happens. Yes, letting myself nap when I had the bad cold was a good step for me. I will still nap from time to time, keeping it short. Important to feel human and if a short naps helps, then how can that be bad? My access to this forum expires in a few days as well, although- there was an email from Martin which says you can regain access for $49 per month. So thats always an option. I have printed out alot of the materials from the course. We will see what happens. I wish you the best of luck too!
Thank you Chris for this note. I appreciate the way you put things- it makes sense to me. Indeed- obsessing about sleep is incredibly boring. I like your suggestion of putting that energy into things that are interesting to me, or a hobby. I work towards this each day- to greater or lesser degrees of success. But it is the direction I aim to move in each day. I’d like for all of this to be behind me, but I’m afraid I’m not quite there yet. And hoped I’d be further along. But- I remain dedicated to this approach of moving towards things that matter- regardless of how I’ve slept.
I’ve had a bad cold this week and have been letting myself take a short nap each day. I moved away from it being a forbidden thing to do and saw it more as an act of self care while I am getting through the nasty cold with all the sneezing, fever etc. I have been up more in the night but- it’s ok. My goal will be when the cold is gone to move away from the naps to increase sleep drive again. Anyways- I just wanted to say your post has been on my mind and I appreciate your helpful words.Hi Martin, I’ve been reflecting on your response and yes it does make sense. I appreciate your response. I suppose Im having a hard time doing these things (taking a nap or going back to bed for an hour or two) because I feel it’s going to pull me off track…that “every so often” would quickly become an every day thing… as that’s what I used to do before I developed insomnia. I would take plenty of naps and catch an hour or two whenever I wanted, no big deal… I’m sort of not sure how to do that every so often in this new time of having insomnia. The grey area seems like a weird new place…like why couldnt I just go back to doing what I did before? When none of it was a problem?
I also wanted to ask…I’ve gotten really good at knowing when I am tired. Like really tired, not just fatigued. And I head off to bed then can’t sleep…. I suppose the best thing to do then is practice the awake exercise a few times then get out of bed and start all over? Wait to become very sleepy then head back to bed again? I’m just so surprised that this is still happening….
Thanks for your reply Martin. I guess I am confused– indeed, forbidden is a strong word. But truthfully, doesnt the program discourage naps or going back to bed after the end of your sleep window? Thats why I feel it is “forbidden”. Again, a strong word. But it feels like making the choice to do those things (take a nap, get another 1-2 hours after getting my husband and son out the door in the morning) isnt encouraged in the program because it decreases sleep drive, which is important part to improving sleep quality…depsite how nice it would feel to do. And certainly something I would have done pre-insomnia days with no stress at all. So…if I were to be more ‘flexible’, and let myself do these things now…isnt that moving the wrong direction? I havent been interpreting my new efforts to maintain sleep drive or not nap as “strict related sleep rules”, like some other things could be…. but moreso as the things/behaviors you need to adopt in order to improve your relationship with sleep, and increase quality of sleep. I hope this makes sense.
Relapse here too! Indeed hard. Lots of fear and questioning everything. Am going back through the course. Am sorry you all are having relapses as well…but it does bring me comfort that I’m not the only on having completed the course struggling again.
Hi everyone- I’m experiencing a setback. Increase in obsessing over sleep, early awakenings- nighttime wakefulness stressing me out. So I’m leaning back into the strategies. I thought I’d ask- what are some people’s favorite things to do in the middle of the night when you can’t get back to sleep? I’ve been reading mainly. But then get bored. Wondered what other people like to do or any fun suggestions.
Thanks Chris for your note. I haven’t done away with my sleep window and sort of can’t imagine a day when I ever will… that would be amazing to not have the sleep window. But I feel I really need it as much as I don’t want to really need it! Thanks again for the response and kind words.
Thanks for the reply Martin. Well, if I were to go back to sleep after I successfully got my husband and son out the door, I feel that would be counter to the program which emphasizes the importance of building sleep drive. To wake and then go back to sleep after getting them out the door, as appealing as that is on a certain level, seems like it would be working against building sleep drive, and establishing good routine with my circadian rhythm and everything. Now-in the old days, pre insomnia person, I would have happily gone back to bed for an hour or so no big deal, no stress. But now– it’s like a totally different world. Going back to bed feels unthinkable, unheard of. On one level I yearn to go back to those days. But I feel it is forbidden now to do something like that. Also since having a sleep window be part of my world over the last 4-5 months or however long it’s been, I’m sort of used to just getting on with my day no matter how crappy I feel, which doesn’t always feel great at all- but feels like the right habit to continue following in my life, despite how very different it is from how I used to do things. I hope this makes sense. Thanks again.
The only other thing I wanted to mention is a have chronic headaches since a head injury last year…and sometimes what feels best is just to close my eyes a little during the day, which could result in me falling asleep. And not being able to do that with the no nap rule is, tricky some days when the headaches are strong. So- I’m just wondering is there flexibility on the dozing or napping during the day at all? Or is this something that must be avoided to maintain sleep drive, even with persistent night wakenings? Thanks very much.
Thanks Martin. I am working on these thoughts. Letting them come and go more freely. They trigger my fear and anxiety, which are deep. But Im working on it…little by little. Its hard stuff. Re: going to the guest room to read…sometimes I do it and its very chill. Like “no big deal, Im here reading, just enjoying my book.” Other times it feels more like, “Get out of bed now, go to the other room, you cant be awake in bed…” So, its fluctuates all of this. It seems like my brain likes to do a little something while Im awake so it knows Im ok…then it will be more willing to go back to sleep after. Its interesting. What a journey all of this is. Definitely tempting to try for the medication again…but that stuff really doesnt work consistently anyways. So Im trusting that this more holistic approach has more long term benefits and that Im building skills that will serve me for a lifetime. Just hard right now. What a shame that doctors dont really recommend things like this so much.
While I have your attention, I picked up the DARE book. It was mentioned in someone elses post here on the forum. Wow, what a powerful book. It reminds me of your approach so much. Hard and difficult work like yours is, but the same kind of idea. This idea of moving towards the discomfort. Im sort of doing these two approaches at the same time, his and yours, and I have to say they complement each other very well. You guys should do a collaboration:-)
I wanted to say thank you to Martin for this post as it has been helping me. I printed the response out actually and have been reading it everyday. I am still in a stretch of rough nights. I wonder how you are doing Elkie and GenieB?
It is so hard to get this idea of “I shouldn’t be laying here resting in bed” out of my mind. I fall asleep around 10:30 because I literally cannot hold my eyes open anymore. Then every night wake at 3 or so. I don’t look at the clock but I’m getting pretty good at estimating the time. I will practice AWAKE, several times, while lying in bed. After two or three times of going through this exercise- I get out of bed to go to the guest room where I’ll read or just stare at the wall or something. Then after about an hour of this, I figure I should go back to bed, wouldn’t that be nice. So I do- it’s maybe 4 or 4:30 at this point. My alarm is set for 5:30, and I will JUST start to fall back asleep when the damn alarm goes off. It’s very aggravating as my body wants to sleep, finally, after being awake for 2.5 hours and I’m supposed to get up because of the sleep window. I feel so confused. But I guess I need to just get up because it will increase my sleep drive to get up and just start the day, so that tonight- I can try again….
Thanks for your post. I am in the battle right now. I completed the 6 week course and found many parts of it really helpful and insightful, I am still seriously struggling with this though. I took way longer than 6 weeks to finish the course too… so, I just feel all over the place and while I am implementing the strategies, my thinking is is muddled from not sleeping that its hard to consistently practice them, or do so with a calm frame of mind. I was given a book by a sleep specialist which has contradictory information in it which is confusing me as well… like that you have to leave the bed when not sleeping, where as this approach says its ok to stay in bed. But neither approach is working well for me. So… I am at a loss. I feel it might behoove me to actually do the 6 week course again from the begininng. I wonder if anyone else had to do the course more than once before they started seeing results? Thanks again for the post. Your story brings me hope.
