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Thank you, Svanade. I really feel you can relate.
This sticking point is one thing that makes me hesitant to invest in taking any course. Since I feel like I’ve read and listened to so much, I have the knowledge, but I don’t really see how a program would get me over this specific hump.
On the plus side today is a “big” day and I actually slept. I was so sure I wouldn’t.Hi, it’s me, the one who started this thread.
I feel like I am stuck and don’t know where to go from here.
I’ve read up so much on insomnia and watched so many podcasts, I feel like I have the knowledge. At this point, consuming more insomnia content and watching more success stories falls into the category of “reassurance seeking”, to use OCD lingo (I definitely have obsessive tendencies).
As I was saying, I have the knowledge, I just cannot get past this one sticking point.
To summarize my issue, I have a fear of not sleeping whenever there is something the next day that I want to enjoy, or just simply that there is a lot expected of me the next day (and I have a lot on my plate so this comes up frequently). I mentioned in my first post that often the fear does not materialize, but since then, I’ve had many times when it did materialize, and I had a sleepless night before a big day.
I usually do what I am supposed to do and do not cancel any plans and go about my day normally. I don’t think anyone can even tell anything is wrong. But I simply cannot tolerate the way I feel. And it’s not all in my head, the physical symptoms are real. I just count the minutes until the day is over, not so I can go to sleep, but so I can finish with my responsibilities and get to the point in my day when nothing is expected of me.
I suspect I need some kind of “exposure therapy” to help me with this fear, but every time I have a day after a sleepless night, that should be the exposure therapy, but it only confirms and reinforces my fears.
How do I get over the hump and view these days as unpleasant but tolerable as opposed to intolerable?
Do I accept that I will never enjoy anything again?
I avoid making plans, and insomnia causes me to seek the most boring life possible so I don’t have trouble sleeping.
Any advice where to go from here?
