[Evie]

Hi. I’ve dealt with insomnia on and off for almost my whole life.
I’ve been listening to some of the podcasts here and I can so relate to the description of the problem.
But what I can’t relate to is the following: Most of the people interviewed come to the realization that it’s not so bad when they don’t get sleep.
The problem is I hate the way I feel during the day when I don’t get sleep and this is a big driver of my insomnia. Even if I manage to get through the day doing all the things I would normally do, I feel horrible and when I look back at those days, it almost seems like a trauma.
My level of tolerance to everything is very low. My clothes feel tight, my skin feels dry, I have digestion problems, I can’t tolerate being around people etc etc.
The funny thing is that I don’t even have bad nights so often compared to a lot of the other people here. But when I do, the next day I become convinced that I will never a good night again (and then I usually do until the next time).
I pretty much dread every important event in my life because I’m convinced I won’t sleep the night before and I won’t be able to function. Funny thing is it usually doesn’t happen.
So the main question is, how can I convince myself it will be ok if I don’t sleep when experience proves me otherwise?

[sleep]

I cant relate to having insomnia my whole life, 2 years was definitely rough enough. I know it is a terrible feeling the next day when you cant sleep. I was so upset thinking something bad will happen if I dont sleep and then I would not sleep, one time for 3 days.

When i listened to the videos Martin Reed puts out he says I will sleep again and finding out so many had this problem. Now I know I will sleep eventually. If I have a bad night which I have not had in a long time I know I will sleep. The sleep drives builds up and I sleep. I went on with my life sleep or no sleep even if I felt bad and it just straightened itself out. I do feel fortunate after the 2 weeks of emails I started sleeping and living my life. I had to let go and what will be will be. I certainly could not control it. If I am not sleeping I lay there and relax and drift off and sleep. I do know not sleeping sucks and makes you feel like a zombie the next day. I go to bed at 12 and sleep til 6 or 7 am, I am so glad I found this website and Martin Reed. It just clicked so fast with me. I guess just knowing I will sleep eventually, doing nothing and my sleep comes back. It does seem weird but not fighting it is what worked.

[Maxine]

I’m exactly the same as you,the fatigue the next day is awful..I can’t be bothered to talk, socialise and feel really down some days but i just somehow get through them and hold onto the thought that this will get better..you’re not alone but I feel so alone sometimes, everyone us going about their normal life, laughing, joking, refreshed and I feel like my life is on hold. We just have to hang in there till it gets better

[Martin Reed]

Hello Evie and welcome to the forum!

It’s OK to not like certain thoughts and feelings and it’s OK to want them gone. That desire is totally valid, understandable, and human!

So, there’s no need to try to convince yourself of anything you don’t believe. As you shared, thoughts and feelings can be accurate and helpful. And sometimes they can be inaccurate and unhelpful.

What many people describe on the podcast is that the weight — the power, influence, and difficulty — of all those thoughts and feelings can become a bit lighter when they move away from trying to fight or avoid them. When they gain skill in making space for them to come and go (even if they’d rather not experience them at all).

As your experience tells you, you cannot control what thoughts and feelings show up (or how long they stick around for). You can control how you respond to them. And your response might determine the amount of power and influence they have over your life.

With that being said, these are just my thoughts — you are the expert on you. I hope there’s something useful here.

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Evie]

Hi, it’s me, the one who started this thread.
I feel like I am stuck and don’t know where to go from here.
I’ve read up so much on insomnia and watched so many podcasts, I feel like I have the knowledge. At this point, consuming more insomnia content and watching more success stories falls into the category of “reassurance seeking”, to use OCD lingo (I definitely have obsessive tendencies).
As I was saying, I have the knowledge, I just cannot get past this one sticking point.
To summarize my issue, I have a fear of not sleeping whenever there is something the next day that I want to enjoy, or just simply that there is a lot expected of me the next day (and I have a lot on my plate so this comes up frequently). I mentioned in my first post that often the fear does not materialize, but since then, I’ve had many times when it did materialize, and I had a sleepless night before a big day.
I usually do what I am supposed to do and do not cancel any plans and go about my day normally. I don’t think anyone can even tell anything is wrong. But I simply cannot tolerate the way I feel. And it’s not all in my head, the physical symptoms are real. I just count the minutes until the day is over, not so I can go to sleep, but so I can finish with my responsibilities and get to the point in my day when nothing is expected of me.
I suspect I need some kind of “exposure therapy” to help me with this fear, but every time I have a day after a sleepless night, that should be the exposure therapy, but it only confirms and reinforces my fears.
How do I get over the hump and view these days as unpleasant but tolerable as opposed to intolerable?
Do I accept that I will never enjoy anything again?
I avoid making plans, and insomnia causes me to seek the most boring life possible so I don’t have trouble sleeping.
Any advice where to go from here?

[sleep]

I get so anxious sometimes and this affects my sleep. I will be glad to hear what others say. I know if I awaken in the middle of the night, my husband says something to me or anything that wakes me, phone call late or thunder/lightning, I wake up and cant get back to sleep. Like you, this happens rarely but the next day I feel awful. I know I cant control this but I can control my response. I just say I will do the best I can, it will pass.

I dont know why I am so sensitive now with my sleep, I use to never be. I am way better than I use to be 2 years ago when I had bad insomnia after a medication. I am grateful but these nights when I get anxious I cant do a thing about it but just do best I can. I try to just lay there and relax the best I can. I get so wired up at times and it takes a while to calm down. Now I know I am not alone, there are so many that are like this.

[svanade]

Hi Evie,
I can relate to your feelings of intolerability after a night of sleeplessness. I recently went through a phase where I had had a ton of responsibilities that I had to achieve for several months while having cyclical bouts of insomnia (every 2 days=no sleep followed by 1 night of sleep). On those days that felt intolerable after 2 days of no sleep, I did often having feelings of misery. There were moments that felt torturous, absolutely dreadful, painful, and I thought I wouldn’t make it or I would count the seconds on the clock until I could get home and be done with my responsibilities. There were also moments of lightness, laughter, and productivity; they were brief, but they did happen. Some of those days I marveled at how much I accomplished despite feeling like $%*#. After a while of this happening, I just started to surrender to the intolerableness on those days. I started to tell myself “this is not what I want right now, but here it is and I will get through it just as I have many times, and perhaps there might even be a moment of hilarity, laughter, joy, or something positive today, even though I feel terrible.” I would say that to myself often, and I would also speak lovingly and kindly to myself if I could or try to joke around with myself to create some lightness. It didn’t help me feel less terrible or take the physical pain away, or make things easier at all, but it was a subtle shift in how I was responding to the “intolerableness” of the situation. I hope that’s helpful.

I’ve been taking the course for 3 weeks now– the sleep window has helped a lot, as well as using the AWAKE approach at night when thoughts such as “What if I can’t sleep tonight?” or “How will I get through the day tomorrow feelings horrible with all that I have on my plate” come up. I recently took a vacation and slept so well due to this course combined with very little stress but now I’m about to start up all of my responsibilities again and I have a feeling I’ll be needing to do the AWAKE exercise and NOW exercises a lot. I know what you mean about dreading the next day after a night of sleeplessness because it truly feels miserable for me (physically, mentally, socially), but I’m hoping I can lean on the memories of those days that I found subtle moments of goodness even amidst the torturous feelings, and found ways to talk to myself with more kindness, patience, and grace despite feeling awful.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and keep reaching out. We are all here for each other!

[Evie]

Thank you, Svanade. I really feel you can relate.
This sticking point is one thing that makes me hesitant to invest in taking any course. Since I feel like I’ve read and listened to so much, I have the knowledge, but I don’t really see how a program would get me over this specific hump.
On the plus side today is a “big” day and I actually slept. I was so sure I wouldn’t.

[Author]

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