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Hey all,
Wow, Teds, thank you for that beautiful post. I hope I didn't wake you up at night via thought transmission, haha 😆
I love the saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or life. Gorgeous. Truly wonderful.
That makes it so much easier, doesn't it. To work out who (probably) belongs in which category – cos else you get yourself all muddled and upset.
I did quite well last night, insomnia-wise. I realised that I needed to find ways to “shift down” my gears, one at a time – and I think having the adrenaline from a spat in your bloodstream must be a pretty high gear! So I made myself some herbal tea, had some bread with yummy honey on it and watched some silly TV.
I ended up falling asleep later than I would have preferred, but other than that it was all fine.
Ach, I hate fighting with friends too. It seems so childish. But I guess sometimes emotions run hot and then you gotta squabble.
About 5 years ago, I started “sorting out” old friendships… Some major, deep changes had taken place in my life and it made me review the people I was keeping in touch with – friends that were really more acquaintances, because they didn't really share deeply in my life.
Anyway, so I “phased out” all friendships that no longer had anything to do with deep/ honest/ vibrant connection. You know all those people who call you up and say “Oh, we must have a coffee together!” and then just talk about chit chat.
I know there's nothing per se wrong with friends and acquaintances like that, but for me it had started to grate badly for some years now, but I'd never had the guts to just draw a line and call it quits.
Well, after those big changes in my life, I just ended up not giving most people my new address/ phone number and so those friendships started petering out.
At the time I felt very guilty and under a lot of pressure. Some acquaintances managed to get in touch anyway (via email etc) and I had to steadfastly ignore their mails for 6 – 12 months, to “shake them off”…
But, since then, it's grown into one of the best decisions I've ever made. It has been so rewarding, to have the people who are “right” for me in my life, and to have all the rest not be part of my daily world. It's made immense changes for the better.
So now, I don't have any “nice” people tagging along in my life, wanting to have coffees.
I have interesting, challenging, vivid, intense friendships. Which is great.
However – these are also much more prone to disputes, challenges, ups and downs, turbulence.
Suddenly I feel like all them “nice boring people” I used to know are so NORMAL and my new set of friends are loopy nutcases with some serious issues…. 😮
Which I guess, in a way, most of us are… Life doesn't treat many of us particularly gently and so we're all left with scars a plenty…
And if we open up to people, they inevitably see us at our worst (on our bad days) and think: “Holy §%&#, do I wanna know this?!”
So while I'm in theory happy with the choice I've made, events like yesterday's spat (this time induced by her being a nutcase – but obviously it could just as easily happen to me, that I start a fight in an unfortunate way…) make me think longingly back to all my boring zombie friends who were busy “fitting in” and “being normal”.
Where's all the normal people in my life gone, ey?!?!?!?!? 😕
Well, we will see where this goes. I will keep you posted, Teddy.
The good thing is that this friend (whom I admire) and I are both strong, bitchy gals with a huge attitude who fight for their loves and interests in life and are feminists and have opinions and aren't afraid to open their mouths and are deep, artistic, crazy young-ish ladies with a lust for life – so us fighting is a good match and there's gonna be sparks flying…. haha…. So that's so much better, really, than some prissy fight with a boring friend about nothing of significance…
Ach, does life have to be so complicated?!
XXX Groggy…
P.S. Where's everyone gone again? We need to invite some newcomers again, I think…
Monkey, how you sleeping, gal??
Ooh, *$&#-ing Facebook…
Just got a really dumb/ annoying message from a friend, to which I replied annoyed… which means we've just had a spat a close to midnight…And now
it's already half past midnight and I'm at home, adrenaline and cortisol coursing through my veins.
That's no good for sleep hygiene, now is it? I think I will watch some TV to try and calm myself down…
Ugh, honestly!!
I mean, I know I must behave in a way that strikes others as dumb and/ or annoying too, often enough.Bzut
But I guess cos you think you're doing your best, it never feels that way, really.
Ah, anyway, don't think I'm making much sense here…
I just wanted to say that it's quite hard to sleep at night, when people start up late-night fights…
😮
Hi all,
How's your sleeping going?
I'm not much good at sticking to sleep hygiene at the moment… but I'm doing quite well at night using that stuff I learned in Neuro-Feedback re shifting down gears one by one until you get drowsy enough to go to sleep, so I've not been struggling so much to get to sleep and not struggling so much to get up in the mornings either.
It's an unusual feeling for me, to not have sleep (or the lack of it) be one of the top 3 issues in my life… Right now, sleep is pretty much “just sleep”!
Still can't believe that Martin's 14 day email course and the massive support from Tired Teddy have had such an impact on my insomnia! It sounds too good to be true, really! But there you have it…
Monkey – are you finding those emails as helpful as we have? I love that you have found a new job and hence can kiss your previous job goodbye. If it has been contributing to your insomnia then well done for having the determination to find better work!!
Well, I am having a short break from work… I did so much work the past weeks, so much overtime and working through on weekends… So I've accrued a lot of “weekend” days and hours off and now I am having them all in one go… That's the cool bit about working freelance – often being able to time your breaks as needed…
So I am busy getting all the housework done (which is surprisingly soothing at the moment – I'm usually someone who hates housework, but maybe getting enough sleep at the moment helps in that regard too??) and getting lots of rest and catching up on lots of stuff generally.
So yeah, things are quite peaceful here at the moment – long may that continue!!
Anyway I hope y'all are well and sleeping just as you'd wish to.
XXX
Groggy
Hey there,
I'm slowly nearing consciousness again. Have been sleeping for most of the weekend. Not much sleep hygiene going on this week.
The week was totally ridiculous, workload-wise and I was so happy that my period wasn't going to kick in til after the week was done, but now that I'm in pre-menstrual sluggish/ feeling down mode, I'm feeling a bit hard done by, that the “reward” for a work of stupidly hard work is a pre-menstrual weekend… d'oh!
I've not been sticking to my sleep hygiene plan of getting up at 6am – the last few days sleep was so precious that I took whatever I could get, whenever.
I hope to start the 6am routine again as of tomorrow tho. It seemed to help quite well.
Keep doing the good insomnia work that you guys are doing!
XXX
Groggy
Hi all
I've been off-line for the week, doing stupidly huge amounts of work… At least insomnia hasn't been bothering me, which is great – I've been so exhausted that I've either slept from exhaustion, or if I couldn't sleep, I just kept working (I work freelance, so that's an option) until I fell asleep…
Spent yesterday (my first day off in 8 days) pretty much sleeping/ eating/ walking about the appartment like a zombie…
Feeling a bit more “normal” again today and must do the most urgent of the week's not-done cleaning today…
Still not feeling brain-awake enough for communicating yet, so I will keep this short and make a better attempt later in the day.
But just wanted to say hi to you and let you know that I've not absconded and am not being rude and neglectful, just working crazy hours…
XXX
Groggy
Hey Bobby,
I was just talking to a friend about the topic of “sleeping in separate beds” the other day and you would not BELIEVE how many couples do that these days!! I think 50% of the couples I know do this either on a regular basis, or “as needed”.
And it has nothing to do with not loving each other, or not having affection for each other, as you say 😉
I know in the past it was the kind of thing you couldn't admit socially, cos everyone would be like “Gosh, how awful, are you guys getting a divorce?!”
But thankfully that ridiculous notion is a thing of the past for many many people these days.
Nowadays people are just like “I want a good nights sleep. Whatever gets me and my partner that is totally FINE”
I think that's a brilliant development!
Are your separate beds in separate rooms? Or would it be an option to do the “twin share” like in some hotel rooms?
I sleep separately from my boyfriend most nights.
We are always on the look out for the “nice” nights tho, where we are both relaxed and fall asleep entwined…
XXX
Groggy
Hi Bobby,
I think many of us have experience with partners doing something that makes it hard for us to sleep – snoring being the classic example.
Have you considered sleeping in separate beds?
Maybe even just having 2 single beds with a 20 cm gap in between would help, cos you would not be feeling your husband moving around?
If you want to, feel free to join us in the “Insomnia 2013” thread.
The forum is a little quiet at the moment, so we're sort of gathered there and discussing everyone's sleep issues in one big muddle 🙂
Welcome to the forum!
Hope you will find it very helpful!
Groggy
Hey Monkey,
what a cute pic you have uploaded!!
Sorry I've not replied earlier – I had way too much work to do and then have also had to spend today at the vet's with a pet, so it's been a bit hectic.
How has this night and the last gone?
Are you feeling a little calmer about the sleep issue?
Are you finding you are able to rest, if you can't sleep?
Have you come up with any projects to do if you can't sleep?
Look forward to hearing all your news!
XXX
Groggy
Hey Teddy,
I just had some exciting news and actually kind of have a favour to ask you 🙄
I will write you a personal message thingee about it…
Am very excited :wub:
Groggy
Aw, that's a gorgeous thing to say!
Bit embarassing tho, to think that anyone is reading the insomniac ravings me and Tired Ted post here, tho! 😆
Ah well, it's all in the name of a good night's sleep :wub:
XXX
Groggy
Hey Monkey,
How did your night end up going? Did you get any rest?
(Oh, that's something I forgot to say yesterday – if you find that you can't get SLEEP – then try and give your brain and body as much REST that night as you can… you will feel the benefit of at least having had deep rest compared with a night spent tossing and turning and in anxiety about insomnia…)
How did your morning go?
Very curious to hear your thoughts and observations re your sleep or lack of it and on waking up.
Hope you have an easy day and you cope well despite having gotten less sleep than you would have wanted…
XXX
Groggy
Hey Teddy,
Yup, wise insomnia advice as ever!! You're absolutely right.
I'm probably still more scared than you are about slipping back into old, bad insomnia habits, cos insomnia has controlled much of my life for so very long. (Or it has tried to and it's been a struggle to fight it.)
I'm about to head off to sleep and I think I'm tired enough to get some too! ^_^
I just wrote a long post in the 2013 journal, which is for you to read too, obviously. There's a nice cheerleader metaphor in there, that I think you'll enjoy 🙂
I will sign off here for today and get my ZZZs
Thanks for explaining re the Sky thing… I don't think my TV does that… or the cable connection I have… I will just continue accosting everyone who tells me they record their shows and make them explain to me how they do it… haha
Sweet dreams Teddy and have some lovely wakey hours if you do wake up…
Sorry we're not up at the same time anymore, in the middle of the night! :huh: But I guess that's the way it's meant to be… 😎
XXX
Groggy
Oops, insomnia mistakes creeping in yet again… 😮
The sentence in the above post should have read:
The info I was reading was saying that most of us switch only between 1st gear (asleep) to 4th gear (alarm rings, hectic and stressful day starts) and then try shifting straight back to 1st gear at the end of the day.
