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Thanks for letting me vent here, y’all. I know you’re all going through stuff too and it’s not much easier for you. I hope everything continues to look up.
I know I can’t control my insomnia, only influence my chances of sleep each night. This is mostly what I focus on in the hopes that I’ll start sleeping better and my fear will dwindle, but it hasn’t yet. I’ve made some improvements, but don’t know if I’m actually making progress because mentally I feel stuck. I started SRT to perceive concrete, measurable changes, but I don’t know if that will convince me of anything.
What’s frustrating is when I think “what would post-insomnia Jamie do,” I know she would not worry about a bad night because it means a good night is coming and that there isn’t anything to worry about. The worst threat is the existential one.
Deb, I do get what you mean about SRT and ACT not being 100% compatible. I guess a more accurate description for me is that I now use components of ACT to supplement SRT, without fully committing to the intended purpose of either therapy. I agree with that. It would be nice if CBT-I incorporated more ACT tools in its approach, particularly the welcoming and acceptance tools for thoughts and feelings (though I do think that accepting sleeplessness is inherent in CBT-I too). The components can mesh while the overall approaches don’t.
I still find myself in the “can’t let go” stage, even though it’s really the only answer. I really hope I phase out of it in due course. ACT by itself helped me a lot a lot first and I probably wouldn’t have gotten past sleep aids so quickly if it wasn’t for ACT. I’m really good at pressing that “acceptance button” in the short term if I give myself an excuse to have a bad night (which often turns into a good night), but after a while I just end up grasping for an alternate reality without insomnia and just can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m on night 11 myself and have been sleeping about 4-5 hours a night with a 6 hour window. Falling asleep is usually easy, but I can’t seem to sleep through my window yet. I’m so tired and I hope I get to 5.5 or 6 soon!
I find that walking a mile 3 hours before bedtime is refreshing and helps me stay awake. I definitely recommend some form of movement in order to stay up.
Deb and GSD, thanks. I practice mindfulness regularly during the day in the face of all this. It helps, but it doesn’t eradicate my anxiety. Just makes me respond to it differently. It’s just something I need to continue working on long term. While I’m not doing 100% ACT, it has helped me immensely in this process.
Good luck, Mac. Maybe take it super slow this time. Maybe give yourself two weeks of good sleep efficiency instead of one before increasing by 15 minutes. SRT seems to work for you; you just may need to be more gradual with it.
On week two of SRT now. Hardest thing is maintaining an overall positive mindset and approaching each night with a beginner’s mind. Don’t want to get wound up overanalyzing my progress.
So I’ve improved my onset times pretty well but am having quite a few awakenings during the night that end up stressing me out, which probably leads to more mid-night and early awakenings. Is it normal for this to happen early in the SRT process?
Well, I screwed up and slept past my window. Phone with my alarm was in my jacket pocket all night. Guess I’ll be pushing my bedtime out an hour…
Going to tack on here so as not to monopolize the ACT thread with SRT rants. Also would be good if there are any new folks starting SRT.
So I did just SC for my first three weeks, which didn’t seem to work well for me as I stressed about getting out of bed every 20 minutes and ended up interrupting light sleep because of it. Not saying it wouldn’t have eventually been effective; it was just counterintuitive. When I read the Sleep Book, I appreciated Meadows’ philosophy about SC and not leaving bed in the middle of the night. So I experimented with that and it seemed to get me far. When I started slumping, I decided it was time to try SRT to see how well it works for me. When I told my sleep therapist all this, he advised me that I need to pick something and stick with it (fair enough, but he’s also not the most attentive guy). So I’m sticking with SRT and ACT tools for now. I appreciate the insight. I’m just freaking out slightly because sleep drive doesn’t seem to be overriding anxiety, at least not at this point. I still need the ACT to help with acceptance when I don’t sleep. I’m just in a rut right now.
But you have to be able to accept frustration too, yeah? And all the negative arrivals? I can accept the possibility of a sleepless night until I’m blue in the face. That doesn’t make me okay with it, and I feel like part of acceptance must be sitting with that extreme discomfort. I just haven’t gotten past the point where arrivals stop appearing. No where close.
Dazzio, I am having the exact same problem. I want desperately to solve this, but I haven’t yet been able to accept the fact that I can’t control sleep. Only influence it and hope for the best.
Sounds like a lot of us are having a rough go of it. I had another no-sleep night. Like Steve, I used the ACT tools and got past my anxiety, but couldn’t get over that hump and just felt broken-hearted and despondent knowing sleep wasn’t coming. I haven’t felt rested in a week and a half. This sucks. All I want to do is take a Remeron and sleep for two days straight.
Thanks, all. I appreciate the support. ACT philosophy is hard. I work to get myself to a place of acceptance, but it still feels like I am lying to myself. Perhaps I just need more practice.
SRT seems to be stabilizing things a bit, but it is only day 5. I guess I’ll see how it goes.
I slept okay last night but my depression is hitting me extra hard today. I had a session with my sleep therapist yesterday and he said he’s never had an insomnia client as determined as me, which I took as “you are trying way too hard to fix the problem and digging yourself into a bigger hole.” He literally used the hole metaphor. Today I just feel helpless.
