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'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '30:
It does suck. I did all of my chores yesterday morning, went to lunch with my boyfriend and his father and then around 4 drifted off into a lovely peaceful sleep which was interrupted an hour later by my boyfriend and oldest daughter who were both very irritated to find me sleeping during the day, “again”.
My boyfriend whined that he had been sitting downstairs alone “ALL DAY”. He wanted me to go sit on the couch with him and watch mindless television instead of taking a nap. I tried to reason with him, asking why it made any difference whether I was sitting on the couch doing nothing or sleeping, because I really don't understand. He doesn't have an answer. It just irritates him when I sleep.
Hi Again, Michelle!
This argument, almost word for word, the way you wrote it, has played out in this house within the past three months:
My boyfriend whined that he had been sitting downstairs alone “ALL DAY”. He wanted me to go sit on the couch with him and watch mindless television instead of taking a nap. I tried to reason with him, asking why it made any difference whether I was sitting on the couch doing nothing or sleeping, because I really don't understand. He doesn't have an answer. It just irritates him when I sleep.
What is it about this that irritates them so much? I can either be sitting here for hours, on the computer, while he watches tv, or I can be taking a blissful nap. Either way, he ignores me while I'm on the computer, yet, when I shut my eyes, the battle is on! My care giver considered turning him in for abuse, because he got so nasty about it. I mean really nasty. He'd watch me from his position on the couch, from which he can see me sitting at the compuer. If my chin touched my chest, he was standing over me, screaming for me to wake up! This went on for about a month, after which, I had finally had enough and also, finally figured out exactly what I wanted to say to him. I think I came up with the rigt combination of words.
This is what I told him: (caregiver's name wsithheld)has seen and heard everything. She's reported it to her boss (the big lie), and if you don't quit, she is going to turn you into the state for abuse. Furthermore, if this goes on any longer, I am filing for a divorce. If you want to test me, keep on doing what you're doing and see if I'm bluffing about any of it. Since then, he hasn't bothered me. He knows from past experience,I don't make idle threats. He doesn't want me to get a divorce, because he doesn't want to be alone. He had a massive heart attack last April, and since then, he's scared to be alone. I don't blame him. When I found him, he was more dead than alive. So, if he wants me to stay, he is going to have to find a way to be a lot nicer to me. I've bent over backward for him. The almost six weeks he was in the hospital, I held down the fort, got his disability started, was his advocate when the patient advocate told me that we'd have to find a way to pay the bill, which totalled over a half million dollars with the doctor bills (he had five or six doctors). You'd think a quintuple bypass (not often heard of) would make one humble and willing to be a little nicer to those around you. It had the opposite affect on him. Of course, for about the last 20 years, or so, he's been a real pisser anyway! Not that he's incapable of being nice. On the contrary, he can be very nice…to anyone, and everyone, but me. I've seen it, and I've heard about it. When I told my landlady one time how he was, and why I seem so upset so much of the time, she was shocked! That's not the person she knows. So I've been completely shocked with his behavior in front of someone who's duty it is to report abusive behavior.
Sorry, went off on a ramble, again. Once I start down a path, I kind of have to explore and see where it's going. I think this one was just a journey to unload a bunch of crap! Thanks for letting me unload on you guys.
Becky 😎
Martin, apologies for the misspelling of your name. This keyboard has tendency to skip some letters and words an ignore others. It runs words together because sometimes, the spacebar doesn't work right. I need to look into getting a progrmmable keyboard, soon.
Also, I must have hit the enter key before I finished and it posted. I'll just leave it at that!
'Jane' wrote on '26:Michelle your bf really needs to be a bit nicer to you. Could your doctor maybe have a word with him about this insomnia affects you? I don't understand why he's being like this. Surely he must know you arn't doing it on purpose?
Did you have a look at that web site addy I gave you? Did you find it any good?
You really have my sympathy you poor love. You sound totally exhausted both physically and mentally. (((((((Michelle)))))))
Hi, Marin.
I have had the same problem with my husband that Michelle is having with her boyfriend. They Dont Get It. It's that simple. On the other hand, I've found that it comes fro a purely selfish place and they don't want to get it. What I mean is this: If you are asleep during the time that they are awake and functioning, you are taking time away from them. My husband actually said that. He also said, in a whiney tone that he might as well live alone, to which I responded that that could be arranged. He has put me under so much stress about this that I feel guilty about being awake or asleep. He has made it clear that I'm supposed to be available to pay attention to him when he's awake, even if h's ignoring me. He's just completely irrational about it.
I woke up at 4:30 this afternoon, after a 17 hour nap. I didn't take anything to make me sleep. I was just exhausted after being up for two days. I informed Marty that I will, in all liklihood, be awake for a couple of days, and that I don't want to hear a word about it. But, knowing him as I do after 40 years, he will grumble and gripe and generally try to make me miserable while I try to go on with my life. He somehow thinks I'm doing it to avoid spending time with him. He's also blamed the internet for my problem. He forgets that I have been this way since 1999, forgetting that for the first six years of this little adventure, we didn't have a computer. I've tried to explain that going online is only a way to spend the time that I'm awake and that I would be otherwise occupied with a book, or knitting or some such thing if we didn't have a computer. Even I want to spend less time on the computer and get back to drawing, but I don't have anyplace to draw, without completely cleaning off my desk. I have no room to put a drawing table. So, until I figure that out, I will continue my online life. I've torn apart all his accusations, and still he comes at me from an angry, selfish place. I've given up trying to figure it all out. Life is too short to argue about something that I can't control. Since I can't figure it out, myself, I can't give him a logical explanation, which he seems to want. And thus it goes…around and around, ad nauseum.
'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '21:Wide awake and not able to lie in that bed any longer. I had an amazing 4 day stretch of 6+ hrs of unbroken sleep each night til today! I felt amazing! So normal and productive… Also worked wonders for my patience, tolerance and mood in general. I feel blessed to have experienced that. My daughter is having her 9th birthday slumber party extravaganza tomorrow (well, no, tonight I suppose) and my home will be invaded by ten (yes, TEN) energetic screaming 8 & 9 year old girls! I've noticed that the nights that I stress about getting a proper amount of sleep because I know I'll need the energy the next day seem to be the worst nights with my insomnia.
Does that ever happen to anyone?
Hi, Michelle.
It's ten til 4:00 am. I'm responding to your message. Guess that must mean I'm awake. I copped two whole hours in front of the computer several hours ago. The tv kept waking me up, so I just got up. I've just about lost track of how many nights AND days I've been awake this time. But I'm still making sense when I talk and no one is running away from the giant sleepless monster!
I've been online for the past three hours, amassing good New Mexican recipes. I'm hoping to finally (after living in New Mexico since 1956) compile a cookbook of my favorite New Mexican recipes. I hope to pass it down to my kids. I've found recipes for dishes I had forgotten about, because they were indigenous to the Albuquerque area, and I just don't see them down here in southern New Mexico.
If I still cant sleep, I'm going to start working on some research I had to drop last year, about a landmark in Albuquerque, that was torn down in favor of a warehouse! It's the old Alvarado Hotel. Movie stars and dignitaries from around the world stayed there on their journeys either to or through Albuquerque. It has a fascinating history and wonderful photographs from it's heyday. I can hardly wait to get stared. But I'd really like to sleep first! Maybe if I lie there and focus on being a guest in that hotel, I can get some sleep. Whatta ya think?
Good luck with the slumber party. Maybe amid all the squealing and giggling girls, you can hide and catch a few winks. I'm sure they will never miss you. And they are old enough to know to stay out of trouble.
Becky 😎
'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '15:Hey guys,
Gonna try to keep this one simple and brief.
This past week, I've developed a brand new issue that is wreaking havoc with my life. The way it's been going, is I'll take my nightly handfull of OTC, Rx, and holistic sleep meds around 11/1130 pm. I generally drift off to sleep between midnight and 1am. Without fail, I wake up at 2 or 230am and struggle for many hours to try to return to sleep. If I'm still awake at 5am, I get in the shower and begin my caffeination process so I can try to begin my day. These days, though I'm nearly useless and close to brain dead all morning with an IQ equal to a goldfish, are actually the better of the OTHER scenario. My new problem…
Ok, so scenario number two… Some time between 4/430 am I fall back asleep into a super deep coma. I've been sleeping straight through the 5 different alarms I have set, ten minutes apart, on three devices placed at varying distances in my bedroom so I'm REQUIRED to get out of bed to shut them up. when it is a school day, my youngest daughter sometimes (luckily) comes upstairs before 8 and I scramble groggily with one eye shut to get dressed, fumble for my keys, and race her to school on time. She's not quite 9, and it should not be her responsibility to wake her mother up so she's not late for school. Worse is when she doesn't realize the time, and wakes me at 830 sometimes 9, sometimes later which makes her very tardy. I worry tremendously that her teacher or the administration at the school will report this to DSS and I'll be investigated for neglect.
On weekends, I don't usually set an alarm, since the latest I used to have the ability to sleep until used to be no later than 9am… Oh how I miss those days. If I'm not awakened by a member of the household I'll sometimes sleep until noon or later, missing half my day and leaving the kids unsupervised downstairs to trash the house, raid the kitchen, fight with each other and God knows what else. Luckily, my live in boyfriend is usually (but not always) home during these times but I still have this overwhelming sense of guilt and worthlessness because of my sleeping.
I also take long naps on the days that I'm up all night. The condition of my house is horrible and stresses me out terribly. I used to clean at least two hours per day and do projects on weekends. That has all changed with the insomnia and all of the napping and lack of energy/motivation. I've also gained 23 lbs from becoming so sedentary.
If I can't find a way to sleep all night straight through and stop this cycle, I'm going to need to figure out a way to stay awake and be productive during the day. This is really doing a number on my relationships with my boyfriend and my children. My friends and family are affected too. I hear them all make remarks about my laziness. I can't stand being looked at that way. I have huge control issues, anxiety, and a perfectionist complex. It's killing me mentally and I'm always a nervous wreck.
I'd give anything to feel good again. I saw a medication available by prescription only that is given to people with narcolepsy. Starts with a P and the brand name starts with “Nu”. Does anyone know what I'm talking about and have any experience with taking it?
So much for keeping it short. Lol 😉
Hi, Michelle.
I don't know if you realize it, but I think you pinpointed your problem yourself…the problem is, fixing it. I don't really think you need to ask for medication meant for narcoleptics. It sounds like something a person I met while livingt in a mobile home/RV community was taking FOR narcolepsy. She was telling me that the worst thing was that she always felt too wide awake. She had a local doctor, so she was able to get the dose reduced to a point that it still worked, but she didn't have that 15 cup of espresso feeling. My neurologist was convinced that treating my diabetic neuropathy with Neurontin, and treating my restless legs with with Mirapex would hold me for a few years, and miraculously, it has, so far so good. I wish I had paid attention to what the doses are. I know that my body felt it immediately. He started me off at the highest dosage level of Neurontin he could, which was, I believe, 1,000mg. So, that worked well. I've been on it almost ten years. I like to get the mildest winnowed being played in a deep sleep. View your blog.
'jrrocco' wrote on '15:Hi Becky,
No problem whatsoever. We all have our anxiety over this thing. I can totally relate to sleep deprivation and misreading things. I think it was my salutation that threw you off “best to you all” that was the first thing I thought of.
In any event, Congrats on your marathon sleep session the other day! That' must have felt so awesome.
I hope you have many more coming your way. Sounds like you have to say everything is ok to yourself before nodding off.. Even if you have to trick yourself.. That's where the “selfishness” comes in 😉
As for me, I'm still trying. Yesterday I was ready to give up and start napping even with the realization I might not ever get back on track. I was so exhausted after a really bad night. After fighting through it one more time I had a decent night last night. Woke up after 4 hours – as usual- but was able to go back down for 3 semi deep hours after an hour break in between. Even though it wasn't ideal I feel “ok” – So I live to fight another day. Going to the gym and will continue on what I hope is the right path.
Going to see that brain wave therapist in Los Angeles on Tuesday
http://www.drorlipeter.com/brainmusictherapy.html
Maybe they'll fit me with a tin foil hat to match the headgear 🙂
Will Keep you posted.
Thanks again for taking the time to be concerned.. I hope you are feeling better too!
Best,
Matt
Matt,
I'm sorry to hear that you had just about the same luck I did. The last sleep I had lying down was Friday. I've been awake pretty much since then. I dozed off and on last night in my chair, finally getting about two straight hours. I play a game that usually slows my brain down to the point I get tired enough to sleep. I got a very late start on it last night. I've been stuck on the same level for days and it's getting frustrating. If I get frustrated with it, I become more determined to beat it. When that happens, I might as well forget sleep. But last night, I made myself switch to another game when I felt that happening. I could probably lay down after supper if I'd go play it now.
Hang in there. And maybe we'll find a way to beat this thing soon.
Becky
'Martin' wrote on '13:Becky
Congratulations! It sounds as though yesterday was a milestone for both of you – not just your husband. Now you know you are capable of sleep, hopefully you'll get more of it!
Thank you, both, Martin and Jane. I have been getting a bit more sleep lately, even if part of it is in my wheelchair. Sometimes, the best sleep I get is in my chair! The only problem with that is the swelling in my legs…I have cellulitis…and the pain in my hip and back. But, I can remedy those. It's just good to sleep. I also hope I get more of it.
Thanks again,
Becky
'Martin' wrote on '01:Just a bit of fun that will also help us get to know each other better. Using just two words, sum yourself up. I'll start:
Friendly
Persistent
Concerned, Opinionated!
'jrrocco' wrote on '13:Hey Becky,
Trust me I'll spread it all around when i break through this..
I didn't say anything about leaving, my whole post was about my continuing struggle.
I am making progress though – I think. Last night I got 5+1. Slightly Better then the 4+2.
Best,
Matt
Matt, I hope you do stay around. You are one of the members that I always read. I have a kinda bass ackward sense of humor, which I often use to jump-start a discussion. If something I say pinches, it's actually a good thing most of the time. I missed the mark this time. My bad. I will contnue to read what you write because I think you are in need of someone with whom you can share your story. I think I read more into what you said than what was really there. So whatta ya say we give it one more try?
All of us are here for a reason. And I think, as hard as we try to be pleasant with one another, losing sleep makes one cranky. I wrote that note while I was “recovering” from four days of no sleep, followed by fifteen hours of nearly blissful sleep. It's not an excuse for my behavior. But when I sleep that soundly, I become really disoriente an feel like I've had a stroke!! So, I think in the future, I should stay away from the computer until I am certain that I am ok to think and write. Incidentally, I just woke up after 9 hours of blissful sleep. The first thing I did was come here to read your response. I'm glad I did. In an effort to remain friendly, I just erased a whole paragraph of psycobabble and parables. I have to realize that I'm not the site's resident psychiatrist and hall monitor!
Take care, Matt. I'll continue to read your posts and I'll try not to analyzze you. Here's wishing you good sleep and sweet dreams. And I'm glad your sleep patterns are getting better. Keep it up.
Becky
'jrrocco' wrote on '12:Hi Guys,
Just wanted to give you an update.. the sweating has stopped.. I dont' think it was serious so no need to be concerned.. The doc told me to let him know if it keeps happening..
I have been training though and so far I'm not getting to far. But I'm going to stick with it.. I had a good night two nights ago, was able to fall back to sleep after only an hour of waking.. still got 6 hours.
I took an hour nap yesterday before i hit the gym again (probably not a good idea) 2 hours cardio, an hour lifting. I was so tired at 11am.. i pushed myself to midnight and actually wasn't as tired when i hit the pillow and it was a terrible experience.. I felt like i was awake the whole night.. very light sleep every hour would wake up and then drift back into some weird hybrid twilight sleep..
Today is going to be hell since I don't want to nap
When i'm on the treadmill I keep visualizing a big jug of serotonin pouring into my brain.. maybe I need a bigger Jug 🙂
In all fairness I have to be realistic.. this problem has been going on for 8 months or so. I think I just have to stay vigilant in my efforts to turn it around.
Thanks again for all your concerns and best to you all
Matt
Let's back the trolley up a minute. Are you saying that you're leaving the group because you had one good night and think you've figured it out!? Hmm, you really do need to stay in this group. If you hold the key to the Magic Kingdom, you need to make copies and spread them around to the rest of us. I sure don't have it figured out and I've been here longer than you! Stick around for the celelbration when someone does have a breakthrough.
Seriously, don't hang it up so fast. You never know when someone is going to pop up with the perfect solution to your prticulr brand of insomnia.
Regards,
Becky
'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '12:Oh, I wasn't trying to imply that we were completely alike… And not sure if I may have offended you… I just thought our similarities with being on many types of medication (I didn't list them ALL by the way) and how both of us obviously had chronic pain issues (again, I didn't go into detail about my neck or my other issues) and the lack of support/anxiety inducing actions from our partners, well I just wanted to let you know there was another soul suffering. I guess I thought it would help both of us feel better and saner in a way.
I don't want you or anyone else to think Im the type of person to get in a pissing contest when it comes to the unpleasant battles in my life… I'm definitely not one to try to “one up” a person or try to prove that my life is shittier somehow. Lol. I'm quite young to have the issues that I do and worry about the long road I have ahead. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I'm 40 or 50. You sound like you have been through hell and back. Whether or not our situations are alike, I still would like to offer you my listening ear and my sympathy should you ever like to take advantage of it.
Hope you get some rest. I'm thinking about just staying up at this point. Lol
Take care.
Michelle
You, too?! I need to grab a couple of hours of sleep, but I think I'm just going to grab another cup of coffee and try to stay awake. I have an appointment at noon that I cant miss, and if I lay down now, I won't get up.
I was afraid I was going to offend you. You sound like a great person. I just wanted to point out that there are countless reasons for not sleeping. I just haven't quite figured out what mine is. The point of listing some of te drugs I take was to agree with you that we both take a mountain of them daily. Although I'm trying to see if I can wean myself off Paxil, and I don't think I'll make it. I already don't like myself very much. So, I'll probably get back on them and stay on them. I know there have been many fights between my husband and I and I am not liking it. He doesn't know I'm off of them and probably thinks I'm just losing my mind! And he may be right.
We've been married 40 years. I've reached the ripe old age of 59, and I've let him live to 61, although he tried to check out early, when he had the heart attack that seems to have caused a fundamental change in him that he doesn't see or hear. I discovered this long before I got off the Paxil. And I think I now know why I felt it was important to try to get off of them. When I'm sufficiently up to my gills in Paxil, he can be snyde and hateful all day and I refuse to fight. If I engage at all, it's a benign response to his hateful ways. I thought that if he wanted a fght, I'd give him one. I even asked him for a divorce two weeks ago. He thinks I'm kidding. At least he doesn't want to believe I'm serious, which I am, if he can't change his ways. I know that a massive heart attack, followed by a quintuple bypass isn't aything to take lightly. However, it isn't a reason to sit and mope and blame others, either. He tends to forget that I have been disabled, officially since '98. Unofficially, I became disabled in about 96. But I had to keep putting one foot in front of another. I didn't have time to quit. When he quit school, I was more angry than you can imagine. That meant I now had to do everything, whether I had time to or not, or if I was just too tired to do it. I was taking out student loans to help keep our heads above water just a little longer. Like many things in life, that, too came to an end. When I finally quit school and applied for disability, I was $13,000 dollars in debt, and those were mostly unsubsidized loans, so much interest accrued, until I had to sigm away my right to work or go back to school, in order to have the debt forgiven. I'm not sure I like that, because it means that if I ever find myself able to go back to work, I'll have to pay all that off. It would probably follow me to my grave! And it would take a fairy godmother and an act of Congress to get me to the point of returning to the workforce. Most days I'm ok with the not going back to school thing. Other days it bothers me to know that I wasted government money on and education that I can't put to use in any other way than to write short fiction and fact online. I do have a short story in the works, it lacks some meat on it's bones and about three more chapters to be a quality piece of fiction. And I can't accept a dime for it. Well, come to think of it, if the price is right, yes I could because it would pay off the loan! Thanks! If not for this diatribe, I would have never though of that. I think I'll stop and see if I can get some breakfast in me. It just hit me that I'm hungry!
I'll talk to you soon.
Becky
'lowercasebecky1952' wrote on '12:Hi, Michelle, and Welcome to Insomnialand. I'd like to start by saying that, while our situations are similar, they aren't quite exactly alike. Mine began several years ago, more than 15, when osteoarthritis took over almost every joint in my body, suddenly, after a bout of fyths or fiths disease, which was going around the school my kids attended. In children, it causes a rash and irratability. I adults, after the rash disappears, about two weeks later, a flu-like illness ensues, whith fever and chills and really bad joint pain. After that, many adults develop arthritic symptoms. In my case, I began having pain in my hip, while watching my daughter in a school performance. By the time we left the school, the pain had crept up my back to the tip of my shoulder blade. When we got home, I took a couple of aspirin and hoped to just get into bed and give the aspirin a chance to work. I got my pajamas on with great difficulty, and in that short period of time, I got to the point that I couldn't get myself into bed. My husband had to help me. As I lay there, the pain got wsorse rather than better. I got up and took more aspirin. Two hours later, needing to use the bathroom, I found that it was really difficult to get out of the recliner I was in and walk down the hall to the bathroom. Difficulty and pain there, too, getting down and then back up. But I eventually did, finding it even harder to to walk back down the hall. In the molrning, I was taken by ambulance to the hospitla with the pain and locked joints, a rash from the aspirin I'd taken too much of, and an inability to speek well, because the pain and stiffness had settled in my jaws as well. I was put on 800 mg motrin and given a steroid injection for the rash. I was sent home two days later, improved, but not well. I stayed on the Motrin until they started selling it over the counter more cheaply than what I had to pay for it. It wasn't cheap! Then about eleven years later, I began college, at the ripe old age of 39! I was gung-ho! For the two years it took to get my associate's degree, I did ok. I graduated and was o top of the world!
Then, I decided to go back and work on my AA degree to transfer to a four year university. A week after the semester began, my dad killed himself, which is another story. I only mention it because it was a turning point in my life. We dropped everything, as we should have, and went to Albuquerque for his funeral. When we got back to Missouri, and I started back to school, I found I was too far behind in a couple of classes to get caught up, so I dropped them. If I repeted them, I would have had to do it on my own dime, which I couldn't afford. But I finished my other classes while I decided what I could do. During that time, my psych professor had developed a new program in human services, which didn't require math and science. I realized that with my As Degree and that degree, I'd make a good victim advocate for any police department. Toward the end of that semester, I had developed arthritis in that same hip. But I just couldn't quit while I had a plan and a goal. By the time I had finished three semesters of the human services degree, It had become impossible for me to walk. So I had to drop out and apply for disability.
As soon as I got my award letter from Social Security, I went and got my medicaid started, and went to the doctor and explained what was happening. He explained that stress had caused an acute flare-up of the arthritis, which I had earlier. After some tests, it was determined that I had significant osteoarthritis in most of my joints, especially my knees and lumbar spine. I was unable to move most days. He put me on a low dose of hydrocodone, because it's about the only pain medication I can take, other than morphine and dilaudid. I didn't want to be unonscious, so I took the hydrocodone and ent on swith my life. And because I had been taking about 20mg of ibuprofen a day, sometimes 25mg, he took me off that and put me on Ketoprophen, which worked better, and was safer than the motrin. At the same time I was diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. I was put on pills for that.
When we moved back to NM, the first doctor I saw pointed out that I was a mess from the head down. Then a week later, he informed me that he thought I was faking to get disability to pay my way. What an ass. That was the last time I saws him. But he gave me a referral to a neurologist who was the best thing that evr happened to me. Through actual tests and mri's he determined that I not only had severe osteoarthritis, I also had a good case of neuropathy in my feet and partway up my legs. (now I have it in both legs and hands) It's a mess. So he put me on the highest dose of Neurontin possible, just so the neropathic pain wouldn't make it hard for me to sleep. That was the year my insomnia began.
I take a lot of pills just to be able to function at even an almost level. A fall off my front porch put me in a wheelchair within five or six years of the fall. I've been through many changes over the past 13 years. I've also gone through three years oif renal failure and someties just insufficiency. I've been in three comas one of which was induced after I died in the ER three times in one night. I do not enjoy waking up in ICU.
Right now, I take a laundry list of meds which include hydrocodone..a much large dose than when I started. Neurontin, methocarbomal, Paxil, Mirapex, diphenhydramine, and I have ativan, but can't take it because it causes me to fall a lot.
In general, I ignore any negative comment about what I take, from my husband or anyone else. They don't live in my skin. What he was mad about was that he thought I had done it on purpose. He thinks I'm having trouble coming to terms with his heart attack last spring. He would be wrong. I do get angry when he comes in and finds me up on the computer and throws a fit, thinking it is the computer keeping me awake. He couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm up on the computer, because I can't sleep and I am not going to sit here bored out of my mind with nothing to do!
I do appreciate your message, and I hope you arent't too offended by the way I started my reply. I just happen to think that we can relate to people without having to all be alike. There are so many reasons for insomnia it's mind-boggling. What I'd like to know is why it's ok to take pain medication if you're in pain, but if you can't sleep, there is a stigma about taking sleep aids. And there is, although, after several years of studying insomnia, doctors aren't as reluctant to prescribe medication to help you sleep, these days. I think we'll get along ok, you and I. But you really need to accept that people who can't sleep can't sleep for their own reasons, which may be similar to yours without being a carbon copy of yours. And I'm glad you read my story. What happened to me can happen to anyone who is that tired. Even scarier is the thought that people are getting into vehicles and driving half asleep to get to jobs and their childrens schools for pick-up, and truck drivers are probably the worst of the lot. They will admit that they do it because staying awake for hours on end is how they make their livings. They are paid to stay awake and get that load in on time, regardless of the danger to themselves or others. To me, that says a lot about this disorder.
Wow! This got a little long! Sorry about that. I just had a lot to say, and I'm wide awake again!
Becky
PS: I found a glaring mistake! Doj't know how it got mast me. That was supposed to be 2,000mg and 2,500mg of motrin! Temporary mental vapor lock!
'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '11:Becky!
I'm brand new to this site and this very post of yours is the first I have opened. I'm amazed at how similar our situations are and I just wanted to let you know that I can TOTALLY relate and empathize with your situation 100%!
What happened to you is frightening and can be difficult to understand for people who are not in our situation. I too, am on prescribed daily narcotics and muscle relaxers for a plethora of painful issues with my cervical spine. I also suffer from OCD, PTSD, and major anxiety. As a result, I also take an SSRI and a benzodiazepine daily.
As if all of this medication wasn't overwhelming by itself, I've recently developed horrendous insomnia (which I attribute partly to sometimes taking my percocets too close to bedtime, if that makes any sense, partly to anxiety, and partly to my OCD). Now, most of my friends have suggested that I see a doctor and ask to be prescribed Ambien or something similar so I can sleep. That would seem like an easy fix, but then of course comes the fear of something occurring like what happened to you, or worse. I definitely worry about accidentally overdosing or taking a combination of prescriptions that may potentially harm or even kill me!
Just like you, my significant other completely disapproves of the types and amounts of medication I take. When he sees me with my normal nightly handful of some combination of diphenhydramine, Ativan, unisom, chlorzoxazone, oxycodone, and whatever the new trial holistic sleep-aid-of-the-week is, he just about bursts a blood vessel in his forehead while nagging, arguing, begging, pleading and belittling me in an attempt to make me “JUST STOP TAKING ALL THOSE PILLS BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF!!!”
Of course, I'd friggin LOVE to stop taking all those pills. I'm sure you would too. We ALL would rather be medication-free, but the fact is, most of us would never get a wink of sleep without SOME kind of crutch, drug, or holistic remedy. Since our husbands or boyfriends, wives, girlfriends, lovers, what have you… If they're anything like mine, can fall asleep 30 seconds after crawling into bed and sleep peacefully through the night and jump out of bed at 6am joyfully exclaiming, “It's morning!!! Hooray!!!”, they probably will never understand our desperation and willingness to do or swallow almost anything to get just enough sleep so that we can maintain some semblance of a normal productive life.
I know for a fact that if I fell into the situation that you experienced, my boyfriend would absolutely react just as your husband did. He'd be furious. There would be no sympathy for me, only anger. I can imagine that the way he handled your accidental overdose has hurt you and probably stressed you to the point that maybe you're now afraid ALL THE TIME to take your medication, for fear that he'll disapprove or become angry or disappointed. I know I would be. It sucks when the person you love the most, your partner, who you have chosen to spend your whole life and allof your dreams with, through all of life's crap does not offer his empathy or support when you're dealing with something so difficult. It is NOT YOUR FAULT that you have insomnia, and it's not your fault that you ended up in the ICU.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there's someone out there just like you, going through the same issues without the help of and despite the resistance from your husband. I hope I have made you feel a little better. Oh! Before I forget, a simple trick I have learned to remember whether or not I've taken my meds is, after I take my pills, I flip the bottle upside down and leave it that way in the cabinet. I used to screw up ALL the time.
Feel free to message me anytime, even if you just need to vent. Hope maybe this helps a little. 🙂
Michelle
Hi, Michelle, and Welcome to Insomnialand. I'd like to start by saying that, while our situations are similar, they aren't quite exactly alike. Mine began several years ago, more than 15, when osteoarthritis took over almost every joint in my body, suddenly, after a bout of fyths or fiths disease, which was going around the school my kids attended. In children, it causes a rash and irratability. I adults, after the rash disappears, about two weeks later, a flu-like illness ensues, whith fever and chills and really bad joint pain. After that, many adults develop arthritic symptoms. In my case, I began having pain in my hip, while watching my daughter in a school performance. By the time we left the school, the pain had crept up my back to the tip of my shoulder blade. When we got home, I took a couple of aspirin and hoped to just get into bed and give the aspirin a chance to work. I got my pajamas on with great difficulty, and in that short period of time, I got to the point that I couldn't get myself into bed. My husband had to help me. As I lay there, the pain got wsorse rather than better. I got up and took more aspirin. Two hours later, needing to use the bathroom, I found that it was really difficult to get out of the recliner I was in and walk down the hall to the bathroom. Difficulty and pain there, too, getting down and then back up. But I eventually did, finding it even harder to to walk back down the hall. In the molrning, I was taken by ambulance to the hospitla with the pain and locked joints, a rash from the aspirin I'd taken too much of, and an inability to speek well, because the pain and stiffness had settled in my jaws as well. I was put on 800 mg motrin and given a steroid injection for the rash. I was sent home two days later, improved, but not well. I stayed on the Motrin until they started selling it over the counter more cheaply than what I had to pay for it. It wasn't cheap! Then about eleven years later, I began college, at the ripe old age of 39! I was gung-ho! For the two years it took to get my associate's degree, I did ok. I graduated and was o top of the world!
Then, I decided to go back and work on my AA degree to transfer to a four year university. A week after the semester began, my dad killed himself, which is another story. I only mention it because it was a turning point in my life. We dropped everything, as we should have, and went to Albuquerque for his funeral. When we got back to Missouri, and I started back to school, I found I was too far behind in a couple of classes to get caught up, so I dropped them. If I repeted them, I would have had to do it on my own dime, which I couldn't afford. But I finished my other classes while I decided what I could do. During that time, my psych professor had developed a new program in human services, which didn't require math and science. I realized that with my As Degree and that degree, I'd make a good victim advocate for any police department. Toward the end of that semester, I had developed arthritis in that same hip. But I just couldn't quit while I had a plan and a goal. By the time I had finished three semesters of the human services degree, It had become impossible for me to walk. So I had to drop out and apply for disability.
As soon as I got my award letter from Social Security, I went and got my medicaid started, and went to the doctor and explained what was happening. He explained that stress had caused an acute flare-up of the arthritis, which I had earlier. After some tests, it was determined that I had significant osteoarthritis in most of my joints, especially my knees and lumbar spine. I was unable to move most days. He put me on a low dose of hydrocodone, because it's about the only pain medication I can take, other than morphine and dilaudid. I didn't want to be unonscious, so I took the hydrocodone and ent on swith my life. And because I had been taking about 20mg of ibuprofen a day, sometimes 25mg, he took me off that and put me on Ketoprophen, which worked better, and was safer than the motrin. At the same time I was diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. I was put on pills for that.
When we moved back to NM, the first doctor I saw pointed out that I was a mess from the head down. Then a week later, he informed me that he thought I was faking to get disability to pay my way. What an ass. That was the last time I saws him. But he gave me a referral to a neurologist who was the best thing that evr happened to me. Through actual tests and mri's he determined that I not only had severe osteoarthritis, I also had a good case of neuropathy in my feet and partway up my legs. (now I have it in both legs and hands) It's a mess. So he put me on the highest dose of Neurontin possible, just so the neropathic pain wouldn't make it hard for me to sleep. That was the year my insomnia began.
I take a lot of pills just to be able to function at even an almost level. A fall off my front porch put me in a wheelchair within five or six years of the fall. I've been through many changes over the past 13 years. I've also gone through three years oif renal failure and someties just insufficiency. I've been in three comas one of which was induced after I died in the ER three times in one night. I do not enjoy waking up in ICU.
Right now, I take a laundry list of meds which include hydrocodone..a much large dose than when I started. Neurontin, methocarbomal, Paxil, Mirapex, diphenhydramine, and I have ativan, but can't take it because it causes me to fall a lot.
In general, I ignore any negative comment about what I take, from my husband or anyone else. They don't live in my skin. What he was mad about was that he thought I had done it on purpose. He thinks I'm having trouble coming to terms with his heart attack last spring. He would be wrong. I do get angry when he comes in and finds me up on the computer and throws a fit, thinking it is the computer keeping me awake. He couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm up on the computer, because I can't sleep and I am not going to sit here bored out of my mind with nothing to do!
I do appreciate your message, and I hope you arent't too offended by the way I started my reply. I just happen to think that we can relate to people without having to all be alike. There are so many reasons for insomnia it's mind-boggling. What I'd like to know is why it's ok to take pain medication if you're in pain, but if you can't sleep, there is a stigma about taking sleep aids. And there is, although, after several years of studying insomnia, doctors aren't as reluctant to prescribe medication to help you sleep, these days. I think we'll get along ok, you and I. But you really need to accept that people who can't sleep can't sleep for their own reasons, which may be similar to yours without being a carbon copy of yours. And I'm glad you read my story. What happened to me can happen to anyone who is that tired. Even scarier is the thought that people are getting into vehicles and driving half asleep to get to jobs and their childrens schools for pick-up, and truck drivers are probably the worst of the lot. They will admit that they do it because staying awake for hours on end is how they make their livings. They are paid to stay awake and get that load in on time, regardless of the danger to themselves or others. To me, that says a lot about this disorder.
Wow! This got a little long! Sorry about that. I just had a lot to say, and I'm wide awake again!
Becky
'Martin' wrote on '09:Becky
Is there any kind of 'life monitor' device your husband would be willing to use in the case of a future emergency so that you can at least feel a little less pressure to always remain alert in case he needs help again? I was thinking specifically about those buttons you wear or have nearby that can be pressed in the case of an emergency that will immediately contact a monitoring company or the emergency services.
Your experience with the sleep study sounds rather common when comparing it to those of other Insomnia Land members. Please keep us updated with your progress. Since your experience is fact, and not a work of fiction, would you mind if I moved this thread to the Sleep Deprivation forum? I think more people would see it there and it would be valuable for other members to have this thread more accessible and visible.
Martin,
It's odd you mention the life-alert type monitor. He suggested one for me! A prerequisite is a home phone, which we now have. We've actually reached a time in our lives in which getting emergency help is not just a covenience it's a necesity. We now have a phone,which we will now be able to keep, as or finances have changed dramatically sice Marty's heart attack. We've always thought in terms of me needing one, because of my falls and because I can become deathly ill in just a matter of acouple of hours. I've been plagued with renal failure since I became a severe diabetic. I even died in the ER three times in one night! I think we have just become accustomed to thinking in terms of “we can't afford”. Well,now we can. When I go to the doctor, I think I'm going to see if I cant get a script for each of us to have one! Thank you for your suggestion!
You may place my story wherever you deem it would be most helpful to others. Anytime I can help others through my writing, I'd be happy to share. Over the past six years, I've had enough expeience to help in several arenas. I will make an effort to present what I have to offer in less negative tones. I do tend to become negative the longer I go witout sleep. I'm about to climb into bed for the first time since 9 am Saturday. If I can't get to sleep quickly, I'll be back up, no doubt. I'll check back in when I get up.
Thank you,
Becky
Hi and welcome. It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate. I hope you find the support you need here. If noting else, we at least all know what you are going through. Thankfully, if I'm having a bad night or five, I know that I can always come here and read and even write if I feel compelled. It's a nice place to be. I haven't talked to anyone, yet that isn't very nice and willing to share their experience so that others can benefit, or just feel at home.
Becky
